Thursday, December 21, 2006

So... Where Am I?

After a year or so of having people try to find out who I am, I'm now faced with the dilemma of telling you where I am. It can't really hurt, or expose, me. There are so many others just like me in the area, it would still make it hard to put a finger on me.

I have joined the ranks of the underemployed, which is a funny way to put it: I am working two jobs.

Ever wonder why the unemployment numbers haved remained so low while so few jobs have been created under the Bush Administration? I don't anymore, since my own polling in the workplace(s) tells me that about 40% of all the people I work with directly at my two full-time jobs sit on either side of the oarlocks of the boat we're in together.

Mercifully, I am home (sort of) for the holidays. I say sort of because only the body is here today. Spirits are low.

I have taken more than a month off of the blog only because I'm so busy, and because (even though I knew in my heart it would happen), America has Fired The Coach.

There will be more from me. Likely, I'll send 50MO into a new direction this year. Fewer posts (more than likely) and a renewed focus on what goes on here politically 50 Miles Out of the Loop.

For some who wanted to believe that my tail is between my supple but muscular legs because of other reasons, you can keep peddling that nonsense in the comments. I won't disabuse any fool of their pursuits.

And yes, I promise some juicy cock pictures tomorrow.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

True Believer Dead At 94.

Milton Friedman, the truest believer in unbridled capitalism, has died.

I believe it's been said that Friedman had the ear of three presidents. They would be Nixon, Reagan, and Bush. Not exactly a great track record for economic security.

As much as I have long respected his intellectual genius, I could never understand how any economist could openly endorse (or even suggest) that consumers should be thrown to the dogs of industry.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hastert Defeated. We Fired The Coach.

In the final analysis, I am a fucking genius. Again.

That's right, sports fans, because what I had been saying all along has finally come to pass: and now Dennis "J. Dennis" Hastert has been defeated outside his district.

Right again, kiddos. Outside the motherfuckin' district.

Some of the beef-headed morons of the Jim Birch Society (and other various sundry dolts) snottily sneered a few months ago that I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about when I said that. Today they probably think John Laesch's "Revive the American Dream" theme is what turned the House back over to Democratic hands.

"The American Dream" theme, by the way, is a southern slang akin to "hang all the niggers." True. I got a good snicker from those silly purple signs the kid kept buying, though, every time they sprang up by the dozen at corners. Oh, yeah, kid: corners don't vote. You'd want to have those signs in yards to make your popularity look real. Nice try, though.

But what in the world was I talking about? Oh, yes. How fucking smart I am.

So "The Coach," the oafish dolt, the Accidental Congressman who rose to become Accidental Speaker of the House and performed wonders as a kindly fat old man who would never lie or play demagogue (but did at every fucking turn, because he's not kindly at all) has been fired. Outside the district. The only way it could happen.

Check out the vote totals by county and tell me I'm wrong, Progressive Patriots. You blew through money like a crack whore and you've got nothing to show for it. Zip!

As for my next pronouncement: Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert won't serve out his full term of office. He can't stand losing. Never could. And now he has plenty of good excuses to waddle off to the big old farm in Wisconsin and hang out with Sensenbrenner.

The Abysmal Failure of Democrats.

Nationally, and in some places locally, there is great reason for those of us who call ourselves Democrats to be jubilant.

Linda Chapa LaVia, who garnered 70% of the vote to win a third term in the state legislature is certainly the shiniest of stars from last night. And the other Linda, Linda Holmes, won a narrow victory in another traditionally Republican district to go on to the state Senate.

Throughout Kendall County, however, the results of the takeover by the Jim Birch Society was evidenced by numbers that clearly show they are out of their league.

John Laesch spent well over $600,000 -- many times what his primary opponent, Ruben Zamora, spent in 2004 -- and had nothing to show for it. Sure, it was 40% overall by the end of the night, but the voters the Lashies attracted to the polls yesterday were not the kind that like his kind.

Nosir, you can see it in the numbers.

Gov. Blagojevich received only 38% countywide, after the Birch party all but ignored his incumbency like some sort of pox. Rich Whitney's 13% showing in the county underscores my point.

And where there were once signs that other great local candidates, like Frank Craig, had a chance to post gains in the county, there was nothing but Republican ridicule at the end of the night.

The drinks must have been flowing for the GOP's county board winners, for instance, at the Yorkville Legion Hall, as they once again took all the seats on the board. Another good candidate who friends recently told me had many Republicans actually shitting in their britches, John Crawford was, like Craig, completely ignored by the local party.

Craig's and Crawford's literature I received. Some of it, twice. For the first time in memory, I got nothing of any kind from any of the other candidates. I consider that a pretty good measure of the "hard work" these morons pledged last spring.

So what the fuck were these people doing?

Apparently, they were all assembled at a supper club in Batavia, spending the last of Laesch'$ campaign money on a victory party for Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert.

Nice job, boys and girls.

Nice job.

Correction: Laesch had raised about $230K by the last reporting statement (still 10x what Zamora had) and had $83k on hand a week before the election. Nice dinner. My bad. Guess I was still thinking about what John Pavich had raised by, oh, about six months prior to the election.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Yeah. Right.

Looks like somebody's changing his tune.

Oh Yeah??

Well, Fuck Chris Lauzen, too.

I've been following the radio forums here for years. Last night's WSPY forum started off with Frank Craig (who, along with the Crawford guy, sounded great last week). Frankly, I like Craig a lot, but can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with the party around here. He should have support coming out of his ears!

No offense to Frank if you're reading, but I'm pretty sure I'd vote for a plunger rather than Chris Lauzen, who closed last night by firing a "message to Sen. John Kerry..." and some others about "insulting our men and women in uniform."

Excuse me... what?

As usual, Lauzen is over the top with a red herring. And he's way out of his league.

Please vote for Frank Craig.


Thursday, November 02, 2006


34% approval rating today; 69% say he sodomized us on Iraq.

That means "he fucked us" to you plumbers out there.

Hi Denny. You, buddy, fucked yourself.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Dumb As A Rock.

I fucking hate Laura Bush. But I had no idea that stupid bitch had a penis until she stepped on it today.

I hope this bites her polyester-skinned ass off.


Sen. John Kerry calls President Bush stupid; Bush thinks he meant someone else.

Anybody else not get that?

Monday, October 16, 2006


Jesus. Why can't we find these guys in the 14th CD?

Why, oh why...

Young, sharp, energetic, family man, professional. ATTORNEY. Not petulent, grown-up, turning his opponent's life upside-down while he raises more than $500K. ON ISSUES. ACTUAL FORMER CIA OFFICER...

Wonder who the locals are going to endorse in our district... Anybody have any ideas?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Bonjean's Brilliance.

Ohhhhhhhh... Can't even think straight, this is so funny!

Read Wonkette's take on the press conference.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Half of Country to Hastert:

Fuck You, Asshole.

While half the district says the same to John Laesch, according to a small article in today's Tribune.

And you all thought I was an enigma.

I'm so fucking mainstream, I could vomit.

Sunday, October 08, 2006


If this asshole can raise $945,000 there, all I can say is that not only are the people around Grand Rapids a flock of sheep, they're the dumbest fucking cocksuckers on earth.

From 2004:

If we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again -- that we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States...

And then we'll fall back into the pre-9/11 mindset, if you will, that in fact these terrorist attacks are just criminal acts and that we're not really at war. I think that would be a terrible mistake for us.

Dick B. "Dick" Cheney, September 7, 2004, on the campaign trail speaking to a group of stupid fucking cocksuckers in Des Moines, IA.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Meat Head.

This is the face of a man who would stoop to accusing the boogeyman (or Bill Clinton or maybe even George Soros -- whoever's name is within reach of his overreaching imagination at the moment) of creating all the problems of the world.

This, my friends, is my Friday Night Cock Picture.

For pictured above is the Biggest Prick I've seen in a long time.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

What An Asshole.

The Preznent is on live television at this moment shilling, once again, his most famous unfunded mandate, Every Public School System Left Behind.

The very thought that an avowed lifetime "C" student has crafted a plan to rate and punish the public school system designed and stewarded by Democrats for generations is laughable.

Further, that his lazyspeak (ie "we gotta..." "allahs us tuh get tuh thuh root uh thuh problum..." and so on) points to "those of us in Washintun not soffnin" on the measure as the primary responsibility of government should tell you everything you need to know about this Major League Asshole In Chief who heads a party overrun with unmitigated, cretinous misanthropes.

The primary goal of our Democracy, in case any of you have forgotten, is to ensure that every person in this country has the same opportunities as the next person. Meaning fund the public school system, you fucking asshole.

That Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, one-half of a pensioned, retired teacher household that will retire comfortably on two teacher pensions, continues to subscribe to this nonsense is another untouched, unprobed measure of John Laesch's failed campaign.

Hint to the Lashies: you pussies can use the issue if you so choose. Oh, yes... tell us what you would do for a fucking change, too.

Laesch Scores Big On Hastert Scandal.

Well, not really.

I'm home this morning cleaning the chunky vomit stains out of my livingroom rugs after spewing my dinner during last night's Hardball appearance by the boy who would be Denny.

Besides being a terrible interview, I was not in vomitas over the sight of the pisher king. No, it was the boy trying to compete with Tweety for wordspace; it was the petulant pursed lips who thought he was there to compete with the man who is known for cutting off his guests after a word or two; it was the untrained non-answers that any decent candidate would have had dripping without tripping at this point on the campaign trail.

I'll give you my take on both sides of this issue. Number one, I'm with The Chicagoist on this one. Hastert's holding a press conference momentarily, and the netgoons are spinning that it's over for the fat man. But this is a guy who has taken the point position for the GOP Mouthpieces blaming Clinton, George Soros, and any other boogeyman in the tired, pathetic GOP trick bag. I don't see a resignation on the horizon. And I don't see anything less than a 60/40 win for Hastert on November 7.

As for Laesch, if I am wrong he will prove to be the luckiest man on earth. I will pay an investigator to search for the 666 on his scalp. This candidate has done nothing positive, has not offered a single cogent solution to anything going on anywhere under the sun.

John Laesch is a unibrowed two-faced liar who made it a practice to get riproaring drunk and beat up strippers in his salad days. And those days are over. His first order of business as a candidate was to sever the head of any decent Democrat who stood in his way, while abandoning any notion that he may need those same people somewhere down the road.

I'm reminded of a someone's passage just the other day while writing about Mark Foley's sins: "in vino veritas." In wine, there is truth.

There you go. Buy this kid a drink or two and watch the truth come out. Voters in IL CD14 don't have much of a choice right now. Thanks, kid.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Because He's Not A Pedophile.

The frantic state of the Republican party is fast becoming the culmination of their own clusterfuck of policies and lies.

Yesterday's announcement by Mark Foley's attorney that the disgraced former congressman is an alcoholic who was accosted by a member of the clergy at a young age, and is not a pedophile is not only the latest example of the shameful practices of Republicans. It's laughable.

Remember: Mark Foley didn't ask 16 year-old boys to measure their penises, and engage in "internet sex" before voting on laws on the House floor because he's a pedophile.

He's just a homosexual alcoholic and we should feel sorry for him.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Hastert: Foley Outing Suspicious.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert tells Slanthead the timing of Mark Foley's outing as an alleged child smells like a dirty trick.

Interesting to not that Hannity now has "tiny stars" ad flashing on the bottom of his home page.

Oh, yes. And that he runs an internet dating service from his website for "like-minded conservatives."

Hmmm. Looks fishy to me.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Ooo, Baby, It's A Wild World.

While disgraced former congressman Mark Foley was hoping today that someone -- anyone -- would buy the alcoholic excuse for asking 16 year-old boys to measure their penises, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert was stepping on his.

Hastert's letter to the FBI asking for an investigation into Foley's alleged predatory practices focuses on a specific request to investigate those outside his leadership circle, in particular members of the press.


Will Lashy Boy capitalize on this? Hard telling. Laesch appeared on the Big Ed Schultz Show today, but still sounded like a pisher.

Of course, Hastert's inner circle went with the FBI investigation so they could claim during the final weeks of the mid-term election that they can't comment on a matter under investigation.

So tripped up is Hastert that he has told numerous (nearly unintelligible) stories at this point.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Here's How You Do It, Stupid.

Three cheers to the Laesch campaign for:
a) planning a Saturday press conference to "take on" Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert on the Republican Hypocritical Cocksucker issue du jour.
b) having your girlfriend/campaign manager send out a late-night email asking attendees to wear their purple Laesch t-shirts, but only if they're going to attend (people with questions were told to not wear their campaign garb, thus making them look like maybe they likely attended over the furor).
c) not scoring a single fucking hit in the Sunday press. Because you're barely intelligent enough to remember to draw breath.

Here's how it goes, for those of you who have taken in $100,000 in campaign contributions and still don't have a clue how the world works.

Saturday press conferences are a waste of time. Would you walk your precinct during college football? Have a Sunday press conference ahead of the Bears game, hoping to make it into Monday's paper?

Nope. Unless you're a unibrow moron who thinks God told you to run for office, and you feel invincible every morning when you wake up in a delusional fog from the floor of your campaign office.

Lay low, stupids. Wait for the Sunday papers to hit, then trap them in their ongoing series of lies and obfuscation. Today's New York Times, for instance, contains plenty of information that Denny knew about this a year ago. Now he says he doesn't recall, but isn't willing to state for the record that the Republican member of Congress who personally informed The Speaker did or didn't bring it up, no matter what the matter seemed to be at the time.

Don't overtly or covertly participate in press conference packing that sends a signal that your support is not genuine.

And don't be surprised that in the voluminous weekend coverage of the scandal that your name is not mentioned. Not even once. Because you have no fucking idea how the world works, you stupid pishers.

I dunno about you, but I'm going to the Bears game and hoping this idiot goes away again.

Jesus H. Christ at a tailgater.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday Night Cock... Sucker.

Good Riddance to Mark Foley.

Who, by the way, did not know (let alone suspect) that Foley was in flames?

This, ABC now says, is only the tip of the iceberg.

God-Damned Liars and Weirdos.

Family Values? Jesus H. Christ in a Steam Room!

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's boy on teenage predator control.


Sunday, September 24, 2006

Hope Fades.

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the weasel.

A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle.
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! goes the weasel.

Up and down the City Road,
In and out of the Eagle,
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! goes the weasel.

Half a pound of tuppenney rice,
Half a pound of treacle,
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! goes the weasel.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Return of the Unremitting Asshole.

I concluded long ago that Tony Snow is an asshole, but never did I actually believe that he was as fucking bananas as the rest of the Right Wing nutzoids out there.

To have George W. Bush stand up in front of a crowd of reporters now, more than at any other time (especially with Bush's recent admission of secret CIA global torture operations, and his insistence on creation of new law to allow him to legally move forward with ambiguity), presents a simple mathematical equation:
Bush > Stupid.

The president's treatment of the press is usually capricious, and at the least, harsh and dismissive. Today, however, it is clear that George W. Bush is nothing more than an uremitting asshole; a doltish and cavalier prick; a lazyspeak ne'er do well who is so unhappy with himself that he must constantly lash out at others until his energy is gone.

He talks in circles. His lazyspeak "ta" when he means "to" is indicative of the kind phoney, rich Connecticut-prep-school-boy-turned-Texan that he is. His treatment of the press, in general, and of NBC's David Gregory in particular, is so far removed from what a President of the United States should be... words now fail me.

Here's a tip to Tony Snow: the next time you want to put the president in front of a camera, just call each member of the press in your little rolodex and simply tell them to sit the fuck down, go the Hell home and fuck off. You don't need them. And you don't need the public seeing this dry drunk pretending to be a leader any longer.

There's no room for more questions about why this dolt's public ratings are sinking like a kamikaze over an aircraft carrier.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

A New Hope.

Catching up on the events of the past few weeks, I came across an interesting video at Video Dog.

As I say quite a lot, if you don't currently hold an online subscription at, get one. It's good stuff dished up regularly throughout the day and night.

I used to say that the day Matt Lauer turned into a fucking journalist, I'd probably start watching the Today Show again.

Well, when TV hosts like Matt Lauer start asking the president hard questions, actually pressing for answers -- to the point where the petulent object of his questioning starts jabbing his fingers at him -- I may just start giving NBC's morning show some of my time from now on.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Here's To A Great Lady.

Former Texas Governor, Ann Richards, is dead at 73.

You were so great, so loved. You will be missed beyond a simple expression of words.

Friday, September 08, 2006

What a Tool.

Incredible, gentle readers. I have finally come up with the appropriate combination of Friday Cock Pictures and a news item (of sorts) in a single post.

Yes, it's true. The Kendall County Democratic "organization" that the young pisher king is so proud of is full of tools. In fact, Powertools, as it were. Kind of like this one, I think.

By the way, I have no idea if the website where I found this is for real or not. I can't imagine the amount of Astroglide you'd have to have onhand to sooth the nether-regions... Oh, well. Different strokes, I guess (it's just that some are handjobs and some are high-speed reciprocating tools).

So the other day, I opened my email to a delicious item about the last meeting of Democrats, where somewhere around an even dozen people showed up (from what I'm told). What's so delicious is that I found the sender's name on the party's website; someone who has also posted comments here on this blog.

Such intrigue!

In the message, four incredible things came up (among other things less startling):

• The current chairman has halted the party's fundraising until after the election.
• The chairman does not support voter registration before the cut-off date because it will only register "the wrong kinds of voters."
• In the course of a two-hour meeting where the emailer said nothing of note was accomplished, more than 40 minutes was spent dealing with complaints from an old man about anonymous postings on the internet. And nothing... Was. Accomplished.

Jesus Christ on the Saturday morning cartoons!

Sorry, kids. That's about all I can muster on those three gems. After all, WHAT?! is so cliché.

More good stuff:

• The Pisherometer hasn't budged in a couple of months. It's pretty sad when Dallas Ingemunson (no lightweight, he) can raise twice as much money for his kid in a few months than the Pisher King can in a whole fucking year.

• I've been so funked out lately, I didn't even notice that 50MO is about to crash through the 21,000 mark.

Thanks to you, it's working. One day at a time.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Have Returned.

Once again, I've enjoyed the comments and a number of emails. Thanks to the many fine readers who asked "where the fuck" I was. I do appreciate the hell out of it.

Just returned from LA last night, after which I just drove around all night listening to Jerry Jeff Walker's LA Freeway. Cried my eyes dry. I've been there, off and on for the past three weeks. And I have hair on my arms. There. Now the Laeschians can go bananas again trying to figure out who the fuck I am.

Truthfully, I've made my whereabouts unkown for strictly personal reasons, as a major meltdown has occurred locally which has had me in a funk for some time. And I do have hair on my arms. There, again, is more proof that I am a man (with great tits) named Mark Blackman.

And I tried to keep up with 50MO, but blogging while trying to keep myself on the by-and-by on a fucking four-and-a-half hour flight to LA, while trying to hide from a shiftless God-Damnable psycho and stay somewhat coherent got to be a full-fucking-time job.

I'm just wondering when John Laesch is going to be honest and say who HRC really is. Laesch doesn't have tits, but he certainly is a world-class pussy, having fucked a decent man by "outing" him and then not apologizing publicly for being an oafish dolt. And a pussy who's blown a hundred grand of your money being a jackass every day since last Christmas. Maybe it started before that.

That's right. I'm John Laesch. And I do this to get attention and respect. Two things I desperately crave.

OK. Enough. I should've slept on the flight.

There is some fun in the old mailbag, gentle readers... I'll share after a little nap. Gotta skate out of here again before 5.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thank God George W. Bush Is Our President.

Garrisson Keillor is superlative, as usual, in today's Salon. It's nice to see him take a piece out of "America's Mayor's" ass, too.

Anyobody thinking about voting for that turncoat cocksucker Rudy Guiliani should read Keillor closely from this point on. He's got Rudy's number.

And remember his signature quote from the 2004 GOP Scare-Mongering Whore Festival in NYC: "Thank God George W. Bush Is Our President."

Monday, August 21, 2006

Hastert Getting Dis'ed By Conservatives.

At the end of this whackjob Conservative Voice piece about Jan Schakowsky, there is a clear Conservative voice dissing Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert for his role in derailing the other whackjobs in Congress on illegal immigration.


So why is it that the Democratic candidate can't even muster more than 33% (his own poll numbers) among registered Democrats? Of course, the poll was taken back in July, before Laesch had a chance to make an even bigger jackass of himself (which, as usual, made him the laughingstock among voters of all stripes).

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Something New in Republican Circles.

Gosh. Honesty.

I know Hagel's been pissed off at Bush for our country's latest Viet Nam adventure, but I didn't really pick him to be so full of candor this close to the mid-term elections, in which Republicans face an increasingly hostile electorate.

Just the same, by bet is that this "McCain II" will sooner or later backtrack and talk about Conservative values and how much the country can trust the Republicans to make the United States better and stronger than ever.

The Secret Weapon.

First Lady Lightweight is upping her travel plans. Look out!

Like that's gonna fucking do anything for these monsters?

The very fact that this moron's coffee-brewing, enabling, Lahbarryan spouse is able to show her face in public is an example of the difference between mainstream Democrats and Republicans. Say the name "Hillary" and it reinforces my point.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Friday Night Cock Pictures.

Just one tonight. I've been in a surly mood lately.

Enjoy the ride, girls. And boys: no silly comments.

Rodney King's Words, Not Mine.

Not that I wouldn't like to emulate the inimitable Mr. King... actually scratch that. But wasn't Rodney King the one who implored everyone with the line, "Can't we all just get along?"?

Comments on this blog are free and easy, but those that suggest the slightest whiff of a threat of any kind to a government leader (like him or not) will not be tolerated.

I've been quite amused the increase in traffic (especially since I have been out of the beltway for some time), but the increased number of comments are also a kick!

Just the same, mentioning the, er, "pussy" of a candidate's girlfriend (or wife, sister, mother, etc.) is also too much for my own senses.

I don't relish the thought of deleting someone's comments, but those which go beyond the basic groundrules (which are pretty fucking broad over here) have been eliminated.

Let's take it easy on the innocent, as well making something that might be construed as a threat of harm to a public official.

And let's all be careful out there... it's Friday night.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

If I Knew You & You Knew Me.

If I knew you and you knew me,
If both of us could clearly see,
And with an inner sight divine,
The meaning of your heart and mine,
I'm sure that we would differ less,
And clasp our hands in friendliness;
Our thoughts would pleasantly agree,
If I knew you and you knew me

~Nixon Waterman

One of the greatest poems ever written.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

And Now! Will The Real... HRC... Please... Stand UP!

Ah, the sweet voice of the loveable Johnny Olson of the original "To Tell The Truth" game show of the '50s and '60s.

You know things are bad for John Laesch when he's getting whacked over the head by Rich Miller, a respected journalist and author of The Capitol Fax Blog, with a headline like "John Laesh Is A Jerk."

Time for the boy to pack up his bags and go back to the dairy business in Bloomington. OOPS! Can't do that. Jim Oberweis's dairy operation owns it now. And no one in Mclean County wants to have anything to do with him, either.

Factoid, Jetsons. Factoid.

The words "Monolithic Stupidity" keep swirling around in my head as I laugh my ass off.

Mr. Laesch: Loose the Cannons of the Decks of the SS Accountability! Huzzah!!

Maybe some of his female friends at the Kappa Kabana outside El Paso, Illinois will take him in. If there are any friends left.

Ironically, you know, Kappa is south of El Paso. Not the sort of place you'd expect Young Laesch to want to associate with. South of El Paso. Get it?

Maybe the noted Mr. Miller or my good old friend Bill Dennis, a Peoria area journalist of many years, would like to sort of scope out the situation at the Kabana and ask some questions about a grey-eyed, beautiful Latino girl who worked there a few years back.

Oh! And don't forget about Big Al's in Peoria. Or check up with local police reports and with club bouncers on a series of incidents at clubs in Creve Coeur and East Peoria.

No slander here. Just raw, honest doses of reality. For a smart-mouth kid who needs to get some help.

Ahhhhh. Goodness! I'm sleepy.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I Doubt He's a 38C.

This morning, I awoke from a long funk to an interesting email with a soapblox chicago link in it. The message (from another blogger) was was my first tip that I am a man named Mark Blackman.

This, at least according to a delusional misfit who's running for Congress who has a long record of not playing well with others, is a fact.

Well, it's not.


Feel free to do your own research on this blog as to when I began referring to John Laesch as a fucking fruitcake. I think it was around the time he started a serial lying campaign to cover up the fact that he was directly involved in the petition challenge against his primary opponent, based almost exclusively on challenges of "Spanish-sounding" or Latino names.

Maybe it was the obvious delusions of grandeur.

How in the world John Laesch, who came to his political life by claiming his "Naval Intelligence background," can ever show his face again in public is beyond me. As you reread his loopy post (please do read it a couple of times for comprehension) on soapblox, which I personally gave up on weeks ago, you must be as afraid for those around this young person as I am.

I think the doctors use the term "danger to one's self or others" when they commit someone to the boobyhatch. That seems to fit this one.

For the record: I am not Mark Blackman (I don't know who that is). And I doubt this Blackman fellow is a 38C.

Anyone know how civil commitment works in Illinois?

Monday, July 24, 2006

Get Out Of The Way.

You've undoubtedly heard the old adage that if you "can't lead, learn to follow or get the hell out of the way."

How sweet the sound of late as we hear Newt Gingrich ramping up the volume on his "World War III" nonsense, Secretary of State Ferragamo yakking about not wanting a ceasefire in the Mideast crisis between Israel and Hezbollah, and King George's shallow, idiotic comment that once that Syrians tell Hezbollah to "stop this shit... it's all over."

Well, for some actual irony, let's look at who's "leading" our country. In case you need more than the hour-to-hour reminder you get from briefly scanning the headlines, it's a do-nothing moron who's never amounted to anything in life on his own; a man who has made a political career of siding with people who intentionally fuck up government to reinforce the underlying theme of their political commentary that government cannot solve problems because it is the problem.

Once you recognize that, and take it at face value -- and you must at this point -- you can clearly see that our government, which is formed from a group of wholly incompetent, malevolent nincompoops, is meeting all of its stated objectives.

By now, you can tick off an easy list of utter failures, all of which are the direct result of the GOP and the entire Rogue's Gallery of players they've assembled:
Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert
Election Fraud 2000
Energy Fraud in California
Intifada II
Repeated Economic Failures
Tax Breaks for Energy Waste
Explosive Growth of Government
Phoney Unemployment Numbers
Slow, Unabated Collapse of US Manufacturing
Slow, Excruciating & Protracted Death of US Automakers
FEMA Fraud to Buy Votes in 2004 FL Hurricanes
Election Fraud 2004
Monumental Breakdown of the WTO

At one time, I thought it was all part of a grand scheme. Now, however, I strongly believe every one of those failures was simply the result of rampant, unchecked, ham-fisted stupidity and negligence.

At some point, it's going to be clearly spelled out so it becomes obvious to even the moron contingent that these people are quite simply incapable of governing at any level. And if you have to justify that belief with some kind of proof, it will be the resounding proof demonstrated in every case I've listed, that these "leaders" justified their acts by blaming government for not being a solution.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

And This Started When?

It's like going to the doctor, who upon hearing your symptoms, is puzzled at your delay making the appointment.

Israel has been bombing the shit out of Lebanon for five days now, and the government of the U.S. is now mobilizing... to send a cruise ship to pick up some of the 25,000 Americans still stranded there.

I'm not up on the math, but I'm pretty sure one cruise ship is not going to make much of a dent in those numbers.

Fewer than 100 Americans have been evacuated from Beirut up to this point. Perhaps their last name was Bin Laden, and they received favorable treatment.

One must wonder how long this goes on before this wholly inept government of ours has a brush with another Katrina Clusterfuck.

I think that would officially be Clusterfuck 77.

Friday, July 14, 2006

AP Hastert Story Not the Whole Story.

While this may seem to set aside rumors that the condition is not as serious as it could be, think back to the number of times the media has mentioned Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's diabetes.

OK. Done thinking? You're just now finding out?

The story does not mention that he is considered an "insulin diabetic" by those close to him, and that he is known to give himself a shot before binges on sweets. This is fact.

Not a guy you want two heartbeats away from the nuclear codes?

Come on!

Thursday, July 13, 2006


I've already been notified that the link to the "Red Buttons With A Blonde Babe" photo is now working.

Exactly. See what I mean?

He's either having coffee with Ken Lay in the basement of the White House, or he's been killed.

God Damn it.

Fuck The Poseidon Adventure, Part II.

Yeah, that's right. I said it.

I'm bitter that Red Buttons, the immortal redhead Renaissance man of Vaudeville, born in 1840, is dead.

Now I'll never know what happens to Gene Hackman in the sequel.

God Damn it.

Anybody who looks at the photo link here will see an important clue into his death, too, btw.

The link is dead. Just like Red Buttons.

God Damn it. Where does the madness stop?

Comedian Red Buttons Dead at 87.

Another reason to drink.

I thought this guy was going to live forever.

The world is about to end.

Hastert Hospitalized.

For a grossly overweight diabetic who is known to give himself the odd insulin shot to ward off the after-effects of overeating and sweets binges, I'm not surprised at this.

One other thing to consider: He would not be entitled to such care had he not entered "government service" as a Congressman.

Oh, yes. And there's that other thing of Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert holding a position against regular people like you and me getting this type of "whatever-it-takes" care.

You know, you and I would probably have a limb amputated before it got this serious.

But not Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert.

Diesel Smoke & Mirrors.

When I read the posts from a campaigner recently that they had been test-driving this great new Jeep Liberty Diesel model that gets such great mileage, it was the first I'd heard of it.

Like many, I've been yearning for Diesel engines to make a comeback since GM thoroughly botched its Diesel strategy in the '80s. Diesel is a cleaner fuel, and the turbo models are probably the most efficient engines ever put under the hood.

Well, then there's the whole thing about NOLA being the main terminal for Diesel shipments in the U.S., but that's a whole other problem...

So it's with great pain that I offer my opinion of the cute little Jeep Liberty that's now being advertised as getting an incredible 26 mpg!

Another brilliant advertising strategy is that it will give you an incredible 500 miles between fillups!

Well, if you run the 20.5 gallon tank down to empty, and you drive at a constant speed of 55 mph, that's true.

But we've found over the past 20 years that EPA estimates on the car stickers are a joke. Overall mileage on any vehicle is more likely to trend toward the lower city driving figure. Look it up.

To all of this, I simply say, Big Fucking Deal. This is a big fucking disappointment.

Now, making a Jeep that gets a nominal 20 mpg is not such a big deal, but if you've ever driven one, you know they're like heavy trucks. You'll likely never get 20 mpg in the larger Cherokee models (which aren't really all that big inside). Ever.

So what's the issue here? Is it that Daimler is misguided in putting Diesel into the Jeep line? Is the Liberty, let alone any Jeep, the wrong line to spark the Diesel craze again in the U.S.? Why don't we see U.S. cars and trucks making a leap over the 30mpg range when turbo Diesels are used? Is it just not possible?

Why is it only going into the 4x4 models, which naturally require more engine?

Well, you just have to wonder what is holding these guys back. Europeans, after all, are driving some great sports cars and sedans that are turbo Diesel-powered animals getting around 50 mpg. That's right. 50.

We'll just have to wait a little longer for these guys to get their shit together, I guess.

And without meaningful CAFE standards, which Republicans abandoned more than a decade ago, automakers and Big Oil, led by Chief Sandwich and Coffee Fetcher and Speaker of the House Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, will continue to hold all of us hostage.

Speaker Hastert Hails Rapture.

How's that look in a headline?

There are about 300 press releases in Hastert's multi-million dollar press operation's archive with the word "hail" in the headline.

It just seems fitting that he would "hail" the end of the world as we know it, as it appears to be unfolding in the Middle East.

At some point today or tomorrow, I'm counting on someone in the GOP to blame Bill Clinton for this. At about the same time, you'll hear anger from the GOP when Democrats accurately state that this is a direct (albeit somewhat delayed) result of the Bush administration's refusal to get involved in Middle East negotiations.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Thank Gog.

The scourge of internet gambling is finally behind us!

Anybody think the gambling lobby bought and paid for this legislation?

Gee. I dunno.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Don't Be Fooled.

There is an old saying about the one who will suffer a fool.

That was my immediate reaction to the story of Pete Hoekstra's story that the Bush administration may have broken the law in its pursuit of "the terrorists."

Don't buy it for a minute. Since the days of Reagan, when it became sacrilege, above all, to speak ill of another Conservative. This is most likely just a ruse to pacify the voters until after the November elections.

Call me cynical, but I've seen this movie before.

When I see indictments handed down in the months before such an important election, I may begin to believe it.

Otherwise, I will not suffer the rambling of fools.

Diplomacy in the Bush II Era.

Never mind the "legacy" he's trying to work on now. We have plenty of evidence of the legacy of this president who has taken advantage of every possible loophole to naked power and secrecy.

And now we have this little bit of cheery news.

Wonder how Poppy feels about that?

Friday, July 07, 2006


This is very funny. Like I believe he's really laughing inside.


What sounds like "Prick" and starts out with the same sound as the word, "Prick?"

Tom DeLay. Prick.

Go Home!

President Bush,

Go home to Connecticut. Chicago does not like you.

Your pal,

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Just How Far?

Just how far can a group of political neophytes go when given a little power? History (at least what I've seen during my tenure, at any rate) says pretty far.

The difference here, of course, is bandwidth. Give them a "management" spot, and it's all over.

All of a sudden, you have totalitarianism. Unbridled power. Shit!

This was the result of my posts at SBC last week before I hurriedly packed and ran off for a long weekend.

Interesting bit of paranoia buried somewhere in the middle: one of the instigators of this nonsense accuses my friend Karie of LiberILView, of "tipping me off" to the discussion. Actually, that is not at all true. The example (my post in the recent John Laesch cumfest over at SBC) referred to a post in that diary.

Once again, these people show how clueless and paranoid they really are. Not all of them, mind you. Just enough to create a need for me to exercise my omniscience and omnipresence.

What they actually forgot was that I was also an admin of SoapBlox-Chicago, which I am happy to kiss off, along with Karie and Alison. All I had to do was curiously search for the word "policing" in the diaries after a disenfranchised recipient or two of the email (posted here, below) sent me a copy.

Footnote on Libel.

Even though it falls on deaf ears and cannot penetrate the skulls of those for which this is intended, here is a bit of information for the folks who have told me that leaking certain details of John Laesch's alleged drinking problem (which I've been told only seems to become apparent when in the vicinity of bare-chested young women) is potentially libelous.

The burden of proof is on the public official (or party nominee, in this case). The public official must prove malice aforethought.

Which. Is. Nearly. Impossible.

And quite impossible in this case. I simply don't want an asshole supplanted with another asshole. People need to know who and what they are voting for.

In case anyone is wondering, there's plenty more where this came from.

"User Standards."

Among the "found items" of late, lookie here what I got while I was out of town:

From: "Carolyn Shannon" (
To: "Steve Aldrich" (, (et al.)

Subject: user standards on SB/C
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 11:27:52 -0500

In the past few months there have been a number of false accusations posted on SB/C, and a number of unsubstantiated rumors. Unfortunately for SB/C, these accusations and rumors have been allowed to stand. That needs to change.

- Jennifer Cifuentes falsely said John Laesch was fired from the Gill campaign. She was never sanctioned for this.

- Ms. Cifuentes suggested Laesch was dishonorably discharged from the military. No action was taken on this.

- Mrs.Kanhai-Zamora accused the Laesch campaign of racism without giving any specifics. No action was taken on this.

- HRC has been posting the anonymous, unsubstantiated "beat up a stripper" accusation since April on SB/C, and has been allowed to repeat this without sanction.

- HRC has 'cast aspersions' towards local and State level Dem Party officials and cast them in a negative light, allegingthat these individuals 'failed to fully investigate and discover' the facts and background of Laesch before and after he became a candidate.
(quotes are mine: ~H)

"This should have been taken care of by the party months ago in their vetting process of candidates. Problem is, the tasteless dislike of Ruben (which I feel in my Birkenstocks is race-related), helped carry these ninnies into their frenzy for a nice white boy with blonde hair."

We currently do not have any policy regarding banning users. That has to change.

A pretty large number of people have repeatedly asked SB/C to police itself. Why is this not happening?

You have invited us to be a administrators, and we take that responsibility seriously. Specifically HRC's behavior has been, and is disruptive to Soapblox/Chicago and affects our ability to engage in discussion. This adversely affects our ability to attract people to our site. We know several people, for example, who refuse to link to Soapblox/Chicago because SB/C will not police itself. This is not about disagreement, as has been repeatedly noted by many at SB/C. This is about honesty and smearing people intentionally because you do not agree with them. As for myself, I have indeed posted here less often than I would because there are no standards or policies regarding trolls who pass themselves off as progressives, or people who post untruths and are not removed.

This is not the Wild West anymore. If SB/C is to grow then policies concerning trolling, rumors and falsehoods must be put in place, and now.

Steve and I think HRC should be banned, and we are asking for a formal decision on this.

On SB/C, if you make a criminal or personal accusation you have to be able to prove it *at the time you make the accusation*. If you don't, that should be grounds for account suspension. One of the primary purposes of this blog is to be a source of news, to "influence the media narrative." But an unsubstantiated rumor isn't the source of news, it's political manipulation. An anonymous, unsubstantiated accusation of criminal activity by a national candidate must be taken very seriously – it would not meet even the loosest journalistic standard. And frankly, why in the world would the Democratic party or its candidates want to participate in a blog, or link to it, when such activity regarding an elected candidate is allowed to stand? Why would even a Democratic candidate for County Clerk, for example, want to post here when unsubstantiated rumors and even outright lies are allowed? We know at least one State Senate candidate has stated he refuses to be associated with SB-Chicago because of this lack of policing by the administrators. SB/C is hurting itself by doing nothing. And that's the danger of these type of trolls. They masquerade as people like us, and then they use that trust to manipulate us.

Because of this and previously unpoliced comments, this blog is gaining a reputation as a site where people can make false or unsubstantiated claims and they get play. Is that going to be allowed to stand? Is that the image you want for SB/C?

When bloggers blog on a site, they are supporting that site. If that site allows people to post unsubstantiated attacks on candidates, they may come to attack candidates that these bloggers support. This could force the blogger to support unsubstantiated attacks on their own candidate through their support of the blog. Serious bloggers are going to avoid sites that do this. If a blogger posts a news or information diary on a blog and that blog also supports undocumented and unsubstantiated slander, those slanders discount the veracity of the actual news pieces.

Would the Sunlight Foundation, which has high standards of truth and verification, continue to link to a blog that has no such standards itself? Doing so would negatively affect their credibility.

We don't care what bloggers do on their own sites, but on this site, which is a community site with specific goals, there absolutely must be some standards, and some consequences.

Thanks for your consideration.

Carolyn Shannon (CarolynS)*

Steve Aldrich (SAldrich)**

This is (was) a confidential email to the administrators of SoapBlox Chicago by two publicly elected precinct committeemen who have no stake whatsoever in the SoapBlox Chicago blog, save for that fact that they are also "admins" of the site.

... and the fact that they both are working for the Laesch campaign. Golly! I almost forgot that part.

* (D) St. Charles 9th Precinct.
** (D) Aurora Ward 5, 6th Precinct.

I guess that would be the little detail that keeps getting left out of things.

Shocking. Just shocking revelations by two more little pishers who "admin" a website that is now actively discussing an "elect and impeach" strategy, and alternately, a "Dump Blagojevich" campaign.

What the fuck is next with these "Progressives," anyway?

I love when this happens: Proof, once again that stupidity, gall, and tyranny know no political boundaries.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Oh, My Goodness.

It seems "folks" over at SBC (link is now missing from my blog) are cumming (sic) up with their own definitions of libel again. My, oh, my.

Even mental masturbation has its limits, though.

I should also mention that the other software I use to track usage shows that the Hastert office has hit 50MO several times today (lookie here). Guess they know I know a couple things...


Well, before launching into something that may potentially harm a couple of hard-working members of the Kane County political organization (they're elected Democratic precinct committeemen) let me just say that they stepped into the limelight together, and that they are, in fact, elected officials of their (and my) political party.

And they're very, very conniving individuals who ought to have their names known.

Goodness! Don't know if I can stay up long enough to get it all down. It's all kind of alarming to me, still!

Tonight, tomorrow. Whatever.

Back in Black.

What a wonderful Independence Day vacation.

Just got back, and after checking mail already see that there are at least a couple of asses that need a good kicking.

More later.

Going Nuclear.

Will North Korea actually drive the U.S. back to the U.N.?

Great question. But you have to wonder if the Bushies are serious when they use the argument that the "whole world" spoke out today against N. Korea.

That's actually the purpose of the United Nations, which is why I have no problem with that response.

But knowing this pack of unique assholes is another thing; I have a bigger problem with our reaction to the missile tests -- which we saw coming for at least a week -- and not that of the United Nations.

We should defer this sort of thing to them. And if that's what Rice and Company did today, incompetent as they are, that's OK. But to the Bushies, this is all just another political game. So stay tuned.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Liberal Excesses.

The Independence Day Weekend approaches like a heat-seeking missile.

And what better way to spend this hallowed holiday than by celebrating our tradition of "Liberal Excesses."

For starters, here's how my next couple days are booked:
• Observe, then perform, several abortions.
• Attend a flag-burning party.
• Celebrate the Destruction of Marriage As We Know It.
• Try to figure out what the hell that means.
• Destroy my marriage by getting involved in Gay Relationship, then marry said Gay Person.
• Sharpen my fangs.
• Drink excessively.
• Beat up some strippers.
• Raise questions about my own voting record.
• Seek out "Man-On-Dog" Sex.
• Prove that I am more dangerous than the terrorists.
• Celebrate Judicial Activism.
• Worship Far-Left Wing activities in Kendall County.

And that's just for starters...

I will be making some changes and putting up some more posts over the weekend as I find time in my very busy schedule, so please come on back and visit.

I guarantee fireworks!

No Taxation Without Representation!

Remember that little bit from history? That's correct! We declared our independence from Fat King George and fought our own Revolution in 1776 on that very principle.

What strikes me about all the news of the current King George's "signing statements" is that no one seems to have brought up the fact that he's essentially erasing the opinions of 538 elected lawmakers in Washington, officials whose very presence is the direct result of our Declaration of Independence.

Republicans cried for years to get Reagan and Bush I the line-item veto, so the Conservative Coronation could take place. When Clinton asked for it -- and got it from his "fellow Republicans" in 1996 -- it was almost immediately overturned by the Supreme Court, which effectively told Congress to bite the Court's Weenie.

Now, in addition to aiding and abetting this traitor of the Republic, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has ushered in the re-introduction of the line-item veto, which signs away the legislative responsibility of our House and Senate.

Now, on the eve of the 230th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, we should renew the battle cry.

Thank You, Dope.

Just spied the most beatiful -- and √°propos -- quote on the Inside Dope's marvelous new heading.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
~Oscar Wilde

Well, that one needs to go somewhere on the old blog, now don't it?

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thank God George Bush Is Our President.

Osama Bin Laden has released yet another tape.

Anybody else bothered by the fact that this guy has more fucking tapes out now than Pat Boone?

Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of seeing a friend of mine "smacked" down on the issue of whether or not 9/11 would have happened under Gore. Of all people, the most conservative member of our circle piped up, "Uh... no. Bush did nothing for nine fucking months. Clinton's people tried to tell them about this guy."

Boy, does that make you feel good, or what?

I'm about ready to go get drunk and beat up a topless woman. Anybody want to join me? Kendall County Democrats? You must be OK with this. I mean, at least it's fair if it's two girls.

"Johnny Laptop."

There are a couple of good reasons why a young fellow might be known as "Johnny Laptop."

The first, obvious one, is that the fellow's name is "Johnny" (maybe Jon, Jonny, John, etc.). But the Laptop thing might be problematic.

Maybe it's because he's always seen fiddling around with a laptop PC while working on the Kucinich campaign.

Maybe it's because he's known among a few people on the Kucinich campaign to have an interesting penchant for lap-dancers.

Either way, it's enough to make a girl wonder. More later.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Inventing Fear.

It was one thing when we were told (usually whenever there was bad news coming for the Bush administration) the terror alert system had been triggered, and we were under threat of imminent danger... well, we went to red alert or something.

It is quite another, however, when there is a concerted effort to trick the nation into believing the news media, and especially the New York Times, is giving secrets to "the enemy" by covering the news.

In this case, it's more like stating the obvious (covering the story in the first place, that is).

Now that the roots of the story have been exposed (Bush himself spoke publicly many times about the methods used to track financing as early as October, 2001), take a look at the way the news cycle worked last week.

Remember the Big Fear Story last week? The plot to blow up the Sears Tower was a story blown (pardon the pun) way out of proportion. And the arrests of the "Miami 7," or whatever catchy name they were given for the story, were premature, at best.

Fact is -- and I know several longtime Chicago cops who have told me this -- there is no way a terrorist-looking type is going to get near that building without, uh, suddenly committing suicide with several shots to the head in one of the alleys along Jackson Street. Chicago cops are on, and more than happy to introduce these fine types to Allah, personally.

Chicago Police were, in fact, on the story by Thursday morning saying no such credible threat ever existed.

Legal scholars lined up immediately following Attorney General Electrocuto Gonzales made the breathless announcement of the indictments and called bullshit on the whole thing. And then, miraculously, the story went away by the end of the day Friday.


But it was just another ruse, designed this time to control the content of the media. And it worked for a couple of days.

More invented fear for the American public, which by now, loves to be scared into submisison by this administration.

Now, however, the Bush administration has moved on to the next phase of their Goebbels-like plan to control our minds: using its surrogates to attack the New York Times with a charge out of whole cloth.

And it's doing a great job of controlling the media and keeping everyone under control with yet another ridiculous story. I can't wait to see what's next, with the announcement by the Supremes today that the administration overstepped its role by creating the secret "war crimes tribunal" for GITMO prisoners.

Real-Live News Roundup.

Hard as it is to believe, the slow news day I preached about earlier has changed. Of course, it's for the worse.

Thank God George Bush Is Our President.
Welcome, Rapture.

We're Still Waiting For The "Good Science."
No way should man has caused this, nor is it the fault of the U.S.

You Want To Go Where?
Are these guys fuckin' high? Of course, you know that NPR's funding will be cut. Just like Amtrak's.

News Values.

Not that I have a problem with penis pump stories in the back of the main news section, or the free use of clinical terms for the human anatomy in news headlines, like "Cocksucker Bites Dick Off of Alligator," or "Pussies Abound In New Disney Hit."

It's obviously a slow news day when this shit gets churned to the top of the heap.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rush Limpbaugh.

Jesus Crimony. How embarrassing is this?

While there is a problem with this, based on the loudmouth's previous comments on-air about sex and matrimony, and his statements about the ads for these products (and how he does not need them), I would not even think of giving this hemorrhoidal asshole ammo for an invasion of privacy case.

Just the same, serves this Monumental Cocksucker right.

Anybody notice if Daryn Kagan was on vacation this week?

Can anyone name the woman (if it was one) who may have liaised with Limpbaugh on his little trip?

Denny Hastert Doesn't (heart) NPR.

From Marketplace last night:
Since 1999 Speaker Dennis Hastert has returned to Waterfall Resort almost every year, according to the resort's staff. Last year he used almost $25,000 from his political action committee to pay for the trip. How he paid during the other years is unclear.

It's possible that Speaker Hastert and Senator Lott financed their trips themselves. Marketplace asked the lawmakers repeatedly through e-mails, phone calls, and hand-delivered letters. But neither Hastert, Lott, nor their staffs answered our questions.

Now, one could deduce that Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is just a man. You know: if you ignore it long enough it will go away.

But the said thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg that is beginning to rapidly melt under the fatted feet of the Speaker.

Folks, this is not public service. This is your employee in action. What do you do?

This, by the way, is no public servant, either. So in a best case scenario, no one will represent CD 14 next year.

Any Ideas, Anyone?

Anyone have any ideas why Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert voted NO on requiring Federal employees to subject themselves to a random drug screening?

I can think of two, and I know that I'm not imagining.

OOPS! Almost gave it away!

Go to it, smarties.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Why General Motors is Full of Shit.

When I read the news about GM's fall -- the loss of thousands of good paying jobs, the loss of worker's pensions, and all the rest of the bad news the company has heaped on the backs of blue-collar and middle-class America during my lifetime -- I honestly have to balance it with the rest of the ongoing saga of the mega-carmaker.

This is a company that has only recently begun the process of evaluating the role of its managers and executives in a series of incredibly bad marketing and consumer-related decisions.

Yet, this is a company that I get sentimental about when I remember that they built the first car I ever drove. A 1971 Chevelle SS with a 350 V8 engine that squeeled the tires if accelerated while moving at 60 mph. The guys called it "cherry." The girls said it was "tuff."

And it got an amazing 30 mpg on trips to school when Dad had it tuned up.

Many will say that's because in those days, there was no pollution control on the motors, thus making them more efficient. Bullshit. Pollution controls were coming up in the 60s. In fact, we almost didn't get this model because it had a smaller engine than the '67 we were looking at (it had a 396 V8), and the pollution controls. Dad said that would probably make it run like shit in a couple more years.

Actually, it ran like one mean sonofabitch until the guy who bought it wrapped it around an elm tree out on Rt. 52 and killed both himself and Myrtle, my little green Chevelle.

But wait a minute. GM's latest marketing gig is to brag about how many of its 2006 models get a whopping 30 mpg. Consider that, weighed against my dear Myrtle, and you have one great reason to tell all of Detroit to simply go fuck itself.

American-made cars should be getting 50 mpg today. No fucking kidding. That should be a typical car. Instead, GM got sidetracked whorring to morons who got erections watching the Humvees tool around during Operation Desert Storm, and spent loads of its resources making and promoting one of the stupidest looking vehicles I have ever seen.

Now in its third generation of stupidity and excess, the H3 is the smallest Hummer ever made! And it's still too fucking big, heavy, dirty, and gas guzzling (and under-powered) to be GM's centerpiece vehicle. Yet GM has spent billions on the Hummer.

GM counters by saying that they built what the market wanted. Brilliant. Blame the consumers. Using GM's logic, they should go in and fire those miserable fuckers who build Hummers. That's right. Start with the ones who have busted their asses for you for 30 years. That ought to send a message to those young guys coming up behind them in the ranks. But that would just follow GM's logic.

They should fire the short-sighted, moronic bastards in the marketing suite at the top of their glitzy tower in Detroit who assured the other executives that spending billions to gear up for new parts and plants was going to return their investment many times over. Just look into the cost of getting a new auto design into the plant, and you'll see what I mean.

Know what? Automakers should be building what we need for now and tomorrow. And that ain't a big mother like a Hummer, or a 4-door luxury pickup truck aimed at a special brand of Collossal Dickhead who doesn't even need a truck.

Has GM ever done anything like this? Oh, yes. Remember the Opel Kadet? GM spent billions on that, too, then spun Opel off into oblivion to build superior cars for the European market. They said we didn't want them here.

Frankly, I don't remember a single Opel ad during the time they were being sold as the redheaded stepchild of the GM dealerships. While we're talking about GM's overseas ventures, let's talk about Diesel engines.

They're making some whoppers for the UK market, some of which rival the muscle engines of the '60s. But you can't find one in a U.S.-made car. I guess that's because we don't want Diesel cars here. Maybe we don't want Hydrogen fuel cells and other Buck Rogers 2020 promises, either.

Nobody wanted another Yahoo when Google came around. There was Yahoo, Lycos, Alta-Vista and a host of other search engines. Google made a better search engine and narrowly focused on that, and it instantly dawned on internet users that what they really needed was a better search engine.

When you put all the pieces together, it is no wonder that Google is today 100 times the market cap value of GM, once the world's largest corporation.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Send In The Clowns.

One of the favorite old saws to rocket from the lips of Republicans today is "the Democrats have no plan."

This is a familiar pattern with Republicans; keep saying it and it will become true. Of course, you and I know that's impossible. Nothing becomes true with repetition. Republicans simply play on the notion that if enough people begin to hear the same thing over and over again as the story is repeated by the mainstream media, rumors and innuendo -- and outright falsities -- will take on a life of their own, effectively representing fact in the minds of the masses.

And it's worked.

Now, Bill Frist, the once-famous heart surgeon who has destroyed the very pulp of his own respectability by becoming another sickening, shrill mouthpiece for the false Republican message, is doing it again.

Democrats, he says, want to surrender in Iraq. That's right. We're chickens. A bunch of God-Damned cowards and crybabies. We're a bunch of limp-wristed sissies.

We're all Pussies, if you will.

The common response to this nonsense is to either get all charged up to the point of apoplexy, or to simply say it's not worth the energy to respond. But here's a better response before I move on to the real clown show.

Was my own hero, Paul Douglas, a pussy? Was Douglas a limp-wristed sissy, who at the age of 50, enlisted in the Marines as a buck private? Was he perhaps wearing pink ruffles (a favorite among sissies) when he earned his second Purple Heart citation by taking a burst of Japanese machine-gun fire that nearly ripped his arm off?

What's that about John F. Kerry? Shot some Vietnamese kid in the back? Prove it. Were you there? What's that about the Swift-boating? Did you have the nerve to serve two tours of duty in Vietnam? Oh, look at your cute little Purple Heart bandaid. How sweet. Wait until I introduce you to some of my VFW biker dude buddies who would like to rip your heart from your chest for suggesting that they may have earned their Purple Hearts with little bandaid scratches.

Was Max Cleland possibly wearing a dress when he dropped on top of a live grenade that was accidentally dropped, in an effort to save his buddies? It was OK for Ann Coulter to smear Cleland because, in her words, "he was on his way to drink beer" when the terrible episode unfolded. What a pussy! Why did he have to be so pissy about it and only lose an arm and two legs? Why couldn't he have just died or something?

With any luck, Ann Coulter will be on her way to finally getting laid when she is killed by a speeding aircraft or locomotive.

From today's ranks, what about all of the black military personnel from Florida and Ohio who were overseas and had to vote by absentee ballot? You know, all those voters who were purged from the voter ranks in both those states -- to the tune of tens of thousands of votes -- because of a scheme cooked up by greedy Republican operatives for Gov. Jeb Bush, and Ohio Sec'y of State Ken Blackwell? What about them? Are they pussies?

And where Hastert, Fristy, and Rove, and the outrageous statements they have made for the public record of late:

Hastert: "we must steel our resolve..."
Frist: "we must not surrender..."
Rove: "Democrats ... will not be with you in the last, tough battles..."

There can only be one response to this, and it's a pretty simple question.

You have got to be fucking kidding me, right? Where were these three "gentlemen" when real bullets in real battles were tearing off limbs of boys they knew in real life? Hiding. They were pussies. And so was our President.

And so was Dick "Dick" Cheney, who was apparently un-muzzled again this past weekend, giving Democrats another pound of his heart-choking fat to throw on the raging fire he has created in the Middle East.

For while the real business of politicians is increasingly becoming too much work for them to do (even on an annual basis, since the Senate now wants two-year appropriations packages), these little pussies are making up comic adventures and smearing the names and creed of anyone who dares to get in their way.

Instead of meaningful energy reform that creates jobs by challenging the automotive industry to increase fuel efficiency standards every single year; instead of meaningful economic packages that reward companies who do right by their shareholders and employees, we have companies defaulting on the pensions of their 30-year veterans, who will retire on Social Security and a pittance.

Instead of infrastructure improvements at home, guys like Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert simply go to Washington as the hired shill for their monied cronies, and lard on pork that destroys thousands of acres of farmland and paves over historic properties, creating new, unnecessary roads. And all the while, the existing roadways suffer. And on other days, they simply do the bidding of the White House, because that's what the Republican party does. They never step out of line. Never.

Instead of even attempting to get to the bottom of billions in Pentagon waste, in the inexplicable disappearance of $9 billion by Paul Bremer, the billions wasted by FEMA and Homeland Security in the wake of Katrina, your government, with your money, pushes pins in the voodoo dolls of its adversaries, and claims "the other side" just doesn't get it.

And instead of doing what they commonly refer to as "the hard work of governing," this Republican party has, en masse, become the fucking Clown Show of the Century.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Your Federal Government In Action.

Remember the "party of national security" bit that played so well among the throngs of morons in the last election cycle?

Here's how well our Bushy-Fristy-Hastert government is keeping us safe.

And again, another fine example.

What was that line that Paul O'Neill used to describe Bush's cabinet meetings? A blind man in a room full of deaf people?

Friday, June 16, 2006

Friday Night Cock Pictures.

For BuzzFlash visitors, this is what we tend to do around here.

Because we're so fucking far out of the loop. And we're desperate.

Other blogs do "Friday Cat Blogging."

Well... They're pussies. We look at cocks of all stripes out here.

And besides, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has been our congressman for 20 years.

It's pretty fucked up. Really.

What Democrats Should Have Done Today.

Walked out. Simple.

Sometimes, walking away is the best way to say, Fuck You.

And in a stupid, political trap that says nothing more than "We spent a million dollars of taxpayer money today to hold a vote that traps the opposition party with the question: Are you with us or against us?" it should be a non-starter.

Question for Alison: Why don't leadership people recommend this on "trap" votes like this?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What No One Gets.

What no one outside this area really gets is that it's not what Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert owns that's near the Parkway.

It's what he owns that's not in the path of the Parkway.

This knife cuts in both directions. Go get it, Lynn. If you still have balls.

Hastert Family Values.

Since Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert now has his lawyers speaking for him whenever it becomes apparent that his dick has been run through the wringer again, I decided to seek the counsel of my own today before posting more about Tollgate Property.

Here's what I am allowed to say. The rest is left to intrepid reporters and watchdogs to uncover and/or reveal the details, which are none too kind to Mr. Denny Hastert.

It seems Mr. Hastert's uncle, who passed away last year, was not only known for owning a restaurant, but for a bit of gambling as well.

One Mr. Hastert, it seems, bailed out another, and in the process of said bailout, became an owner of a piece of property. A restaurant, as a matter of fact. The building was still vacant last time I noticed.

Since his debt was cleared, Uncle Don did not speak to the Speaker ever again. As far as my sources can tell, the Speaker declined to speak, as well.

Says one insider: "The last I talked to Don and Denny's name came up, he said he never wanted to hear from that no good son of a bitch ever again."

There's your family values.

An Open Letter to Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Mr. Governor,

Greetings again.

I have asked you numerous times from this venue to halt Dennis Hastert's "Prairie Parkway" plan, which has now been moved forward by IDOT. All the while, I have been careful to avoid making this seem like a vendetta against the Speaker.

While the rumors that Mr. Hastert and his business partners were involved in land trusts have for years been among the biggest open secrets in Kendall County, nothing was proven until news broke yesterday that Mr. Hastert is indeed personally profiting from land deals around the route of the Parkway.

My sources actually tell me there's still plenty more to the story.

That is why I am renewing my request today that you stop IDOT from any further work on the Prairie Parkway plans until all the facts can be sorted out.

Mr. Governor, we have a roadway sorely in need of expansion and improvement that's a better, more direct route for truckers who desire a better way to get from DeKalb to Minooka. It's called Illinois Route 47, and it would be a great place to start spending the $209 million Mr. Hastert earmarked for his favorite project.

The fastest growing county in the state needs its infrastructure expanded now. Route 47 is the place to start.

Thanks for your time.

Quiet Backroom Dealer?

Don't ask John Boehner to bet on it.

I was long curious about the "Tollgate Properties" item on Hastert's disclosures.

Last year, when Don Hastert, Denny's uncle, passed away, I went to work on it.

When I give you some of the details of how Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert came by this property in the first place, you will quickly see that this mild-mannered backroom dealer of quiet deals is one motherfucker of a businessman.

Even with family. More on that later.

RUSH: Tribune Nails Hastert On Land Grab.

This morning's Chicago Tribune has some bad news for Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and his land-grabbing partners, stating the facts of his profit for land along the route of the Hastert Highway.

While Ron Bonjean poo-poos the notion that anything was going on, I found the Google search criteria on this visit curious as I checked the logs last night.

Perhaps, of course, someone was just doing a little research on how much land values have appreciated.

Well, not really. This looks like worry to me.

It's Love.

It is nothing but love that compells me to post this wonderful shot of chickenhawks Tony Snow and Dan Bartlett, both of whom appear to be on the verge of spraying vomit all over each other when they took their really cool helicopter ride.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Denny Hastert's MO.

The House is dripping with cynicism this morning after Denny Hastert's House Appropriations Committee Chairman yesterday approved a measure designed to be shot down on the House floor.

Why in the world would the House Appropriations Committee pass a measure to raise the minimum wage to $7.25 (the first measure of its kind from House Republicans in a decade)?

Because the House Appropriations Committee has nothing to do with raising the nation's minimum wage, that's why.

Democrats, however, have been given another plum, if they choose to use a line from the 2004 campaign playbook.

They can claim Republicans were for the minimum wage hike before they were against it.

Here's another good one.

Run a picture of Hastert's fat head profile juxtaposed alongside Eisenhower's with an American flag in the background. The headline: Republicans: Turning Minimum Wage Levels Back To 1956.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert: Posterchild for the lowest wages for Americans in 50 years.

Gone, But Not Forgotten.

Know that big, fat boost you got in your 401K this past statement, when you look at the reported earnings from Jan 1, 06?

Well, kiss that goodbye.

Matter of fact, we're headed back down to the scratch territory from Jan 1, 2000, really soon.

The MBA President. Good for the economy.

Quiet Backroom Dealer. Good for Congress. Gets things done.

The Grownups Are Back.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Denny Hastert (hearts) Merceneries.

That's why the payment and details of the great works of professional merceneries in Iraq is being kept secret.

To the tune of BILLIONS of your tax dollars. That's your money.

Because we have a Congress that says that's OK.


Between my new store turning into a hellish nightmare of technical snafus this past week, blogger going into a suicidal spiral on multiple days, this story about a judge getting shot today and the Attorney General of the United States causing a mass evacuation of Florida,* What the Fuck is this World Coming To?

*The last part is not yet verified.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

RIP Blogger.

May have to give some thought to life and blogging while Blogger/Blogspot takes another bit of time off for some "unexpected maintenance."

See you later.

I hope.

In So Many Words.

Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney tells Sen. Arlen Specter to go fuck himself.

Specter says he's going to get really mad, make a lot of press, then do nothing about it.

This is a pair of assholes who were simply made for each other.

I used to have a lot of respect for Specter, but he's been completely out of touch with these assholes, aiding and abetting the criminals every step of the way.

What a shame.

You Know What They Say.

The only good motherfucker is a dead one.

So here's to you, Zarkawi, or whatever your real name was. I'll have a big drink on you this evening and take a piss on this last and best image of you. (I'm liking this one quite a bit, too.)

You know, I would really like to think that this will do something... anything good would be nice for a change... in Iraq, but I just doubt it.

What we have to remember is that this motherfucker was not even allied with bin Laden until we overran Iraq and became targets. And he really had no power until we essentially made his power for him.

There is no "Mission Accomplished" on this one, because I don't think this does anything except relieve the world of one more God-Damned troublemaker.

And God knows, there're plenty more where this pus-filled hemorrhoid came from.


Fred Upton is Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's Schmuck of the Month for June.

Get this:
Chief supporter Rep. Fred Upton, R-Mich., said the new fines were appropriate for getting "the filth and triple-X smut off the public airwaves."

Does anybody even know what the fuck this freak is talking about?

Freddy: This is triple-X.

This is probably more like what you're talking about.

Why is this more important than conducting the nation's business in the House of the people?

And when was the last time this freak did anything meaningful, as a measure of his public service.

At Least I'm Thinkin' About It...

I'm seriously thinking about being a Bikini Strangler. Maybe just a Bikini Killer.

Just so I can make the top story on Fox and MSNBC.

I'm only thinking about this.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Blumenthal in Salon.

You must read this compelling piece, describing the yin and yang of the Bush Sr. and Jr. relationship. Hard to believe.

Bush Sr. asked general to replace Rumsfeld. Sr. is rebuffed by Jr.


Welcome, Department of Justice.

From the logs, I can see the daily visits from our good friends at the Justice Department.


Say, have you heard the one about the criminal records check in the Hastert family?

Too Funny!

Dow Dips Below 11K.

Big Fucking Surprise.

News on energy prices: Not good.
News on consumer confidence: Not good.
News on jobs: Not good, and people are beginning to question the accuracy of the rate.
From the Fed: Not good; we're all getting worried about the next rate hike.

Here's a little tune I like to sing when I lose my ass in the market:

Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck; the same to you.
But I can't regret what I did for love.
Look my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It's as if we always knew,
And I won't forget what I did for love.

Pentagon News on VA ID Loss Grim.

The Pentagon announced that the Veterans Administration, a favorite wrapper of the Republican party, lost 2.2 million records of active duty personnel.

Pentagon and VA officials made the announcement after revealing that a check of a slide rule showed that 2.2 million is a bit more than the 50,000 records Navy officials had earlier admitted were stolen.

Democrats, such as Illinois Congressman Lane Evans, a Marine Corps veteran who is also a retiring member of the Veterans Affairs Committee, called the security breach "breathtaking" and called on the GAO to begin an immediate investigation.

Congressional Republicans talked about their Cute Little Gay Marriage Amendment today, hoping to gain another two years of "leadership" of a wholly incompetent government, and the total plunder of the nation's treasury.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Garrison Keillor.

Pure Genius. In tomorrow's

Potato... Po-tah-to...

Democrats talk about energy, economic and environmental issues, and Republicans continue to drag the queers up on stage for a gangbang.

Oh, yeah. There's your leading by example thing.

While all the important things in the world go completely unnoticed by the Republicans holding your government hostage, nothing at all productive is getting done.

And The Beat Goes On...

More than 6,000 dead in Baghdad this year alone.


Denny Hastert: Accountable To No One.

Salon's War-Room today reports a report from the Center for Public Integrity, American Public Media and Northwestern University's Medill News.

Among the juicy bits in the War-Room piece:
It's good work if you can get it. And some members -- most of them Republican in the House of Representatives -- were really good at getting it. The offices of nine Republicans and two Democrats accepted more than $350,000 each in free travel. The big trippers: House Energy and Commerce Committee Chair Joe Barton (R-Texas), House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-Mo.), House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas), House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.), Rep. Gregory Meeks (D-N.Y.), Rep. Michael Oxley (R-Ohio), former Rep. W.J. Tauzin (R-La.), Rep. Bill Thomas (R-Calif.), Rep. Robert Wexler (D-Fla.), and Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska).

While most of the trips don't violate any laws, the report finds numerous ethical violations -- and that's even after you make the rather dubious assumption that all of the trips were legitimately related to the members' official duties in Congress. Among the problems: Although ethics rule bar congressional trips paid for by firms registered to lobby the government, the report finds that such firms sponsored a portion or all of at least 90 trips worth approximately $145,000.
That, my dear friends, is what we call dirty money where I come from.

Welcome, Beelzebub!

...lord of flies.

Today is the day many of us have figured George W. Bush and Fristy-Hastert would push the button to launch the Official End of the World, for this is Six-Six-Six (06/06/06).

Oh, my Goodness. We'll have to see what happens. I'll be sitting in the shade today waiting it out with the bomb shelter kit at my side.

Welcome, Beelzebub!

...lord of flies.

Today is the day many of us have figured George W. Bush and Fristy-Hastert would push the button to launch the Official End of the World, for this is Six-Six-Six (06/06/06).

Oh, my Goodness. We'll have to see what happens. I'll be sitting in the shade today waiting it out with the bomb shelter kit at my side.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Here We Go Again.

Watch news today as Republicans prepare to roll out the centerpiece of the November campaign: The Constitutional Amendment to Ban Gay Marriage.

And watch as Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert gobbles this up again like so many hot, buttered pancakes at IHOP.

Of course, if it weren't for dumb shit like this, nothing would get done in Washington.

So where's your "Party of National Security" now?

Picking on queers again.