Friday, June 30, 2006

Liberal Excesses.

The Independence Day Weekend approaches like a heat-seeking missile.

And what better way to spend this hallowed holiday than by celebrating our tradition of "Liberal Excesses."

For starters, here's how my next couple days are booked:
• Observe, then perform, several abortions.
• Attend a flag-burning party.
• Celebrate the Destruction of Marriage As We Know It.
• Try to figure out what the hell that means.
• Destroy my marriage by getting involved in Gay Relationship, then marry said Gay Person.
• Sharpen my fangs.
• Drink excessively.
• Beat up some strippers.
• Raise questions about my own voting record.
• Seek out "Man-On-Dog" Sex.
• Prove that I am more dangerous than the terrorists.
• Celebrate Judicial Activism.
• Worship Far-Left Wing activities in Kendall County.

And that's just for starters...

I will be making some changes and putting up some more posts over the weekend as I find time in my very busy schedule, so please come on back and visit.

I guarantee fireworks!

No Taxation Without Representation!

Remember that little bit from history? That's correct! We declared our independence from Fat King George and fought our own Revolution in 1776 on that very principle.

What strikes me about all the news of the current King George's "signing statements" is that no one seems to have brought up the fact that he's essentially erasing the opinions of 538 elected lawmakers in Washington, officials whose very presence is the direct result of our Declaration of Independence.

Republicans cried for years to get Reagan and Bush I the line-item veto, so the Conservative Coronation could take place. When Clinton asked for it -- and got it from his "fellow Republicans" in 1996 -- it was almost immediately overturned by the Supreme Court, which effectively told Congress to bite the Court's Weenie.

Now, in addition to aiding and abetting this traitor of the Republic, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has ushered in the re-introduction of the line-item veto, which signs away the legislative responsibility of our House and Senate.

Now, on the eve of the 230th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, we should renew the battle cry.

Thank You, Dope.

Just spied the most beatiful -- and ápropos -- quote on the Inside Dope's marvelous new heading.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
~Oscar Wilde

Well, that one needs to go somewhere on the old blog, now don't it?

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thank God George Bush Is Our President.

Osama Bin Laden has released yet another tape.

Anybody else bothered by the fact that this guy has more fucking tapes out now than Pat Boone?

Over the past weekend, I had the pleasure of seeing a friend of mine "smacked" down on the issue of whether or not 9/11 would have happened under Gore. Of all people, the most conservative member of our circle piped up, "Uh... no. Bush did nothing for nine fucking months. Clinton's people tried to tell them about this guy."

Boy, does that make you feel good, or what?

I'm about ready to go get drunk and beat up a topless woman. Anybody want to join me? Kendall County Democrats? You must be OK with this. I mean, at least it's fair if it's two girls.

"Johnny Laptop."

There are a couple of good reasons why a young fellow might be known as "Johnny Laptop."

The first, obvious one, is that the fellow's name is "Johnny" (maybe Jon, Jonny, John, etc.). But the Laptop thing might be problematic.

Maybe it's because he's always seen fiddling around with a laptop PC while working on the Kucinich campaign.

Maybe it's because he's known among a few people on the Kucinich campaign to have an interesting penchant for lap-dancers.

Either way, it's enough to make a girl wonder. More later.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Inventing Fear.

It was one thing when we were told (usually whenever there was bad news coming for the Bush administration) the terror alert system had been triggered, and we were under threat of imminent danger... well, we went to red alert or something.

It is quite another, however, when there is a concerted effort to trick the nation into believing the news media, and especially the New York Times, is giving secrets to "the enemy" by covering the news.

In this case, it's more like stating the obvious (covering the story in the first place, that is).

Now that the roots of the story have been exposed (Bush himself spoke publicly many times about the methods used to track financing as early as October, 2001), take a look at the way the news cycle worked last week.

Remember the Big Fear Story last week? The plot to blow up the Sears Tower was a story blown (pardon the pun) way out of proportion. And the arrests of the "Miami 7," or whatever catchy name they were given for the story, were premature, at best.

Fact is -- and I know several longtime Chicago cops who have told me this -- there is no way a terrorist-looking type is going to get near that building without, uh, suddenly committing suicide with several shots to the head in one of the alleys along Jackson Street. Chicago cops are on, and more than happy to introduce these fine types to Allah, personally.

Chicago Police were, in fact, on the story by Thursday morning saying no such credible threat ever existed.

Legal scholars lined up immediately following Attorney General Electrocuto Gonzales made the breathless announcement of the indictments and called bullshit on the whole thing. And then, miraculously, the story went away by the end of the day Friday.


But it was just another ruse, designed this time to control the content of the media. And it worked for a couple of days.

More invented fear for the American public, which by now, loves to be scared into submisison by this administration.

Now, however, the Bush administration has moved on to the next phase of their Goebbels-like plan to control our minds: using its surrogates to attack the New York Times with a charge out of whole cloth.

And it's doing a great job of controlling the media and keeping everyone under control with yet another ridiculous story. I can't wait to see what's next, with the announcement by the Supremes today that the administration overstepped its role by creating the secret "war crimes tribunal" for GITMO prisoners.

Real-Live News Roundup.

Hard as it is to believe, the slow news day I preached about earlier has changed. Of course, it's for the worse.

Thank God George Bush Is Our President.
Welcome, Rapture.

We're Still Waiting For The "Good Science."
No way should man has caused this, nor is it the fault of the U.S.

You Want To Go Where?
Are these guys fuckin' high? Of course, you know that NPR's funding will be cut. Just like Amtrak's.

News Values.

Not that I have a problem with penis pump stories in the back of the main news section, or the free use of clinical terms for the human anatomy in news headlines, like "Cocksucker Bites Dick Off of Alligator," or "Pussies Abound In New Disney Hit."

It's obviously a slow news day when this shit gets churned to the top of the heap.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rush Limpbaugh.

Jesus Crimony. How embarrassing is this?

While there is a problem with this, based on the loudmouth's previous comments on-air about sex and matrimony, and his statements about the ads for these products (and how he does not need them), I would not even think of giving this hemorrhoidal asshole ammo for an invasion of privacy case.

Just the same, serves this Monumental Cocksucker right.

Anybody notice if Daryn Kagan was on vacation this week?

Can anyone name the woman (if it was one) who may have liaised with Limpbaugh on his little trip?

Denny Hastert Doesn't (heart) NPR.

From Marketplace last night:
Since 1999 Speaker Dennis Hastert has returned to Waterfall Resort almost every year, according to the resort's staff. Last year he used almost $25,000 from his political action committee to pay for the trip. How he paid during the other years is unclear.

It's possible that Speaker Hastert and Senator Lott financed their trips themselves. Marketplace asked the lawmakers repeatedly through e-mails, phone calls, and hand-delivered letters. But neither Hastert, Lott, nor their staffs answered our questions.

Now, one could deduce that Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is just a man. You know: if you ignore it long enough it will go away.

But the said thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg that is beginning to rapidly melt under the fatted feet of the Speaker.

Folks, this is not public service. This is your employee in action. What do you do?

This, by the way, is no public servant, either. So in a best case scenario, no one will represent CD 14 next year.

Any Ideas, Anyone?

Anyone have any ideas why Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert voted NO on requiring Federal employees to subject themselves to a random drug screening?

I can think of two, and I know that I'm not imagining.

OOPS! Almost gave it away!

Go to it, smarties.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Why General Motors is Full of Shit.

When I read the news about GM's fall -- the loss of thousands of good paying jobs, the loss of worker's pensions, and all the rest of the bad news the company has heaped on the backs of blue-collar and middle-class America during my lifetime -- I honestly have to balance it with the rest of the ongoing saga of the mega-carmaker.

This is a company that has only recently begun the process of evaluating the role of its managers and executives in a series of incredibly bad marketing and consumer-related decisions.

Yet, this is a company that I get sentimental about when I remember that they built the first car I ever drove. A 1971 Chevelle SS with a 350 V8 engine that squeeled the tires if accelerated while moving at 60 mph. The guys called it "cherry." The girls said it was "tuff."

And it got an amazing 30 mpg on trips to school when Dad had it tuned up.

Many will say that's because in those days, there was no pollution control on the motors, thus making them more efficient. Bullshit. Pollution controls were coming up in the 60s. In fact, we almost didn't get this model because it had a smaller engine than the '67 we were looking at (it had a 396 V8), and the pollution controls. Dad said that would probably make it run like shit in a couple more years.

Actually, it ran like one mean sonofabitch until the guy who bought it wrapped it around an elm tree out on Rt. 52 and killed both himself and Myrtle, my little green Chevelle.

But wait a minute. GM's latest marketing gig is to brag about how many of its 2006 models get a whopping 30 mpg. Consider that, weighed against my dear Myrtle, and you have one great reason to tell all of Detroit to simply go fuck itself.

American-made cars should be getting 50 mpg today. No fucking kidding. That should be a typical car. Instead, GM got sidetracked whorring to morons who got erections watching the Humvees tool around during Operation Desert Storm, and spent loads of its resources making and promoting one of the stupidest looking vehicles I have ever seen.

Now in its third generation of stupidity and excess, the H3 is the smallest Hummer ever made! And it's still too fucking big, heavy, dirty, and gas guzzling (and under-powered) to be GM's centerpiece vehicle. Yet GM has spent billions on the Hummer.

GM counters by saying that they built what the market wanted. Brilliant. Blame the consumers. Using GM's logic, they should go in and fire those miserable fuckers who build Hummers. That's right. Start with the ones who have busted their asses for you for 30 years. That ought to send a message to those young guys coming up behind them in the ranks. But that would just follow GM's logic.

They should fire the short-sighted, moronic bastards in the marketing suite at the top of their glitzy tower in Detroit who assured the other executives that spending billions to gear up for new parts and plants was going to return their investment many times over. Just look into the cost of getting a new auto design into the plant, and you'll see what I mean.

Know what? Automakers should be building what we need for now and tomorrow. And that ain't a big mother like a Hummer, or a 4-door luxury pickup truck aimed at a special brand of Collossal Dickhead who doesn't even need a truck.

Has GM ever done anything like this? Oh, yes. Remember the Opel Kadet? GM spent billions on that, too, then spun Opel off into oblivion to build superior cars for the European market. They said we didn't want them here.

Frankly, I don't remember a single Opel ad during the time they were being sold as the redheaded stepchild of the GM dealerships. While we're talking about GM's overseas ventures, let's talk about Diesel engines.

They're making some whoppers for the UK market, some of which rival the muscle engines of the '60s. But you can't find one in a U.S.-made car. I guess that's because we don't want Diesel cars here. Maybe we don't want Hydrogen fuel cells and other Buck Rogers 2020 promises, either.

Nobody wanted another Yahoo when Google came around. There was Yahoo, Lycos, Alta-Vista and a host of other search engines. Google made a better search engine and narrowly focused on that, and it instantly dawned on internet users that what they really needed was a better search engine.

When you put all the pieces together, it is no wonder that Google is today 100 times the market cap value of GM, once the world's largest corporation.