Real Ethics Reform Under Hastert?

Any notion that real, meaningful ethics reform under Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's so-called leadership must be considered as thin as the inside of one of Hastert's arteries.

David Dreier is going to be a good Team Player on this trick until enough members of the media are mouthing the words "Congressional Ethics Reform" in their stories. As with anything else with this crowd, they're hoping the more the words are spoken, the more the overwhelming majority of the Moron Contingent in our society will transform it, somehow, into truth.

If the Coach, anyone on his Team, or any of the Back-Benchers were serious about reform, it would have happened long ago.

As it is, McCain's own reform legislation became watered down to suit the interests of DeLay and his minions, Hastert included.

Accept none of the lies that are unfolding about Hastert taking hold of this debacle.

The anti-government zealots (Hastert included) have no control over this beast at this point. Their staffs are intentionally weak on policy matters so as to claim the need for lobbyists who can better explain issues that matter to you and me.

This Coach is about to enter his worst season in history, one that will tar his legacy and justly prevent his name from ever appearing with the name of truly great House Speakers who came before him.

Feel The Love.

I'm feeling pretty good today, having reached or neared two important milestones that keep me surging forward.

One big one is that I've cracked the top 10,000 blogs at the Truth Laid Bear, which makes me a proud Slimy Molusc in the ecosystem. Seems pretty insignificant (it is, I suppose, but I may be obsessive at times). 50 Miles Out started, of course, at somewhere around 40-something-thousand just a few months ago, so I'm actually quite full of pride to now be in the top quarter ranking.

Whatever that means. Honest to God, I don't know how they come up with the daily visits (?!) but 50 Miles Out also passed 7,000 visitors today by my Sitemeter counter, ramping up on the way to the first 10,000. I restrict viewing of that info, btw, because with so relatively few readers it does tend to show a bit too much information about visitors.

I honestly had no idea what to expect when I finally plunged into this. It's been a great release of many years of utter frustration at being manhandled by ignorant Cro-Magnons, Eminent Liars, and so forth.

I am very grateful for my regular readers and the many links I've been given by some other great bloggers here in the great Land of Lincoln. Thank you all so very much.

It's going to be an exciting and fun year for Liberalism and the great majority of us who live in the fullness of reality, so please keep coming back.

I also have a few more things coming right around the corner that should keep the makers of Nexium flush until well after the November elections.

Ticket Fixer, Speaker of the House.

Fixing a ticket is one thing. Government haters like Tom DeLay will tell you that candy-ass local politicians do it all the time.

Shielding someone with a problem from taking responsibility is another.

Further endangering the public -- when you hold a special role of protecting it -- is despicable.

Maybe that's not the case. Maybe all of this is just part of the status quo in Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's America.

Robertson Apology Not a Surprise.

Newwww. Not at all. That's because he was being cut out of a $50 million deal to build a "Christian Heritage Theme Park" in Israel for those ugly comments about Ariel Sharon being "smote down" (or somesuch nonsense) because of God's anger at Israel's withdrawal from the Gaza.

What utter weird, nonsensical, fantastic, bullshit.

Actually, pretty much what we've expected from the loopy televangelist for many, many years now.

The "biblical heritage park," as I understand it, would be built on land that is thought to be the site near where Jesus Christ preached his gospel of love and salvation through forgiveness. It will include outdoor amphitheaters, a garden and nature park, a Holy Land exhibit, an auditorium and a media center.

I guess all Robertson's other financial dealings, the diamond mines and all, weren't enough.

Let's see... what was it that I remember from Bible school about Jesus and the money changers at the temple? Was it... ?

No. That's not it. Maybe more clues could be found here.

Separated At Birth?

Terry Jeffrey, noted "Conservative" Fathead and over-educated idiot, and Robert "Rusty" Stevens, better known as Larry Mondello for three seasons of "Leave it to Beaver," as well as his role as "Cletus" in the hilarious 1962 "My Three Sons" episode: "Bub Gets a Job."

You Decide.

Rice to Iran:

Let's get it on at the U.N.

Actually, I don't have a problem with that, except that crazy bastard Bolton will probably do his Condi Rice impression for the world. (Warning: watch your volume!)

In Other News...

The Federal Government is giving you your money back!

Then the IRS is sodomizing little people again instead of going after the large-scale tax schemers. Hundreds of thousands of refunds frozen -- Taxpayer Advocate Nina Olson says two-thirds of those who complained were entitled to full refunds. Oops!

Note: I am not at all surprised.

Mileage ratings will now be more realistic

Well, more or less. Sort of. If you've car-shopped lately and then been disappointed by the mileage after the purchase, you're not alone. If you're buying a hybrid (which now I see is not that efficient in climates where temperatures reach extremes in either direction) the government estimate will now be at its absolute worst.

Note: When you check out Consumer Reports mileage estimates, look at what they got in their test. It's always shockingly different (lower, you think?) than the City/Hwy sticker. Believe those guys. I've never bought a car that got anything close to the median of City/Hwy. It's usually right around the City figure over the long-term.

Toyota is Kicking Detroit's Ass Again.

Ford is still on Mars.

The article lacks its print counterpart's accompanying photo of a Ford executive proudly standing in front of its new "Super Chief," a big fucking concept truck that's said to be the centerpiece of their plan to dominate market share. Brilliant.

Well, not really, but the car buffs are drooling over its interior. Which, you know, is the really important reason one buys a big God-Damned truck.

Oh, yes. There's this laughable bit:

Running on hydrogen, the supercharged V-10 engine provides up to 12 percent fuel economy improvement on an energy equivalent basis versus a non-supercharged gasoline V-10 – and nearly 500 miles per fill-up. In addition, when operating on hydrogen, the Tri-Flex V-10 generates 99 percent less CO2 emissions than when running on gasoline.

Note: I am not impressed by anthying increased by only 12 percent, unless it's my annual God-Damned salary. And CO2 emissions reductions? That's what you would expect from Hydrogen, stupids.

Boy, if we had some oversight in our government, and we really had the nerve to regulate the industry...

Who Is Meddling With Police Records?

When "J. Dennis" Hastert's youngest son was arrested in the Spring of 2001 and charged with DUI (among other charges), "The Coach" issued a statement that said the situation was "regrettable," but that Ethan still had his father's love and support.

As it should be. That is good fathering.

Recently, however, it has come to our attention that someone else close to the Speaker was involved in an accident and taken into custody, although not only was a statement not issued... the police report cannot be found published anywhere in the local media.

Now, that's curious. But is that all there is to it? Not at all.

A former local official tells me that while the words "strong smell of alcohol" appear on the report (either an incident report--which means nothing--or an official report which should have been available to the press with the rest of the blotter), no field test was done.

Now, that could be a mistake. Could be, except for the fact that someone put in a phone call to a close friend of the family who either advised the police or the family... or both. That would stand apart from police procedure, wouldn't it?

But who would that hurt, really. Come on! A victimless "crime?" Not exactly.

My source tells me that there was another vehicle involved, and at least one of the people in that vehicle was not at all happy about the situation. Which makes it all curiouser and curiouser... because no mention has been made in the local media.

Perhaps the young attorney (also close to the family -- how convenient!) who was dispatched to the police station on Christmas eve can shed some light on this.

A lot of conjecture, sure. But all of it is important, for it is not at all the incident that's important. There were plenty of other DUIs reported by Kendall County police around the holidays. This one was not. And it appears that only the person's name and the family's connections made the difference.

And like so many other cases you can think of, it isn't the crime or act that's important; it's the coverup.

Hastert's Rules Committee: Soviets.

Someone may want to maybe... open a history book (too bad there aren't any former history teachers in the House) and look at the symbol most prominently featured on the House Rules Committee's site.

Maybe it was intentional, considering the clamp Hastert's minions have on our Democracy.

Jesus! One would think a handsome, swishy and stylish guy like David Dreier would know better.

Maybe they ought to think again before they post the symbol of the Soviet military on their web pages.

Just What The Hell Is This?

I snapped this (no pun intended) from a Flash thing at whitehouse.gov.

Maybe my mind was on something else, but doesn't this look like the President is sitting approximately where the anus would be on this gargantuan spread eagle? Take a look at the original, perhaps.

You'll also be treated to the return of the Presidential Smirk in at least one of the staged photos with seniors (check out the upper right rail).

Paul Bremer Memoir on Fresh Air.

Take a listen.

If Paul "Jerry" Bremer (who was also "Doin' a Heck of a Job" at one point) was a GOP Congressman, I would have to create a class lower than "Waterboy" just for him.

Calling him "wishy-washy" would be a huge compliment. Listen to how he explains the missing $9 Billion (That's BILLION WITH A B... AND THAT'S YOUR MONEY). It's at 33:55 if you can't stand to listen to the whole thing.

Incredible. He doesn't know if it "went missing."

He doesn't know. Says we "may not have had proper accounting for it."

I guess that means we just fucking lost it, then. Well, in that case, that's OK.

Now, if I were starting a government, say, well, here or abroad, I think I would want to have a strong kind of... let's call it a legislative body, with a strong leader who could demand inquiries of such things on behalf of the people.

Would we call that a Democracy?

Hastert's Fragile House of Cards.

Tumbling now, in a news story near you.

From an editorial in the venerable Louisville Courier-Journal: Good Riddance.

Lyn Sweet had an interesting piece in the Sun-Times yesterday, making the remark that all the reform squabbling has been hard on Hastert.

To which I say, "Good!"

And now, from the pale, congenitally insane point of view: It's CBS News's fault.

The House GOP Hierarchy.

Obviously, you got yer "Coach."

Then, you have all yer Team Players. Those would be all the Gingrich-baptized bomb-throwers who've invaded legitimate public service and turned government against itself. The Hannity clones and the like who have fatted the Limbaugh-O'Reilly-Wall Street Journal Lie Machine. Those people.

It's a lot to keep up, so far. Still with me? Did that make sense?

The Team Players would be anyone who works for the Gingrich-DeLay-Hastert vision. Think J.D. Hayworth. LINK WARNING: HAYWORTH'S VOICE WILL BE EMITTED FROM YOUR COMPUTER.

Then you have your Back-Benchers. Like Little Snowflake. His hometown was named after his great-great grandfather (whose name was Benjamin Snowflake, I believe). How quaint.

That's not so bad. My own ancestors were also hard-working founders of their communities. But as you go through Snowflake's bio, you see he's never worked a day in his life. He is a child of privilege seeking power to pass on more privilege and power to the next Snowflake generation. He was still in his twenties when he was named Executive Director of the Goldwater Institute, for Christ's sake.

The Back-Bencher is just a Team Player in disguise. He wants the Republican vision of wealth and power, but he's willing to disguise it to get to the power position, where he'll someday be annointed Team Player. He's willing to carry the water, but don't confuse him with the Water Boys.

There were once plenty of Good Guys in the House GOP. But now the Good Guys have been turned into the Water Boys. Think Chris Shays. I really like Chris Shays; don't get me wrong. You can tell he's a model public servant by his home page. It's all about the constituent meetings. Right up front.

But he's been reduced from a position where he could actually do some good, to having to be a pain-in-the-ass for the Leadership (mainly), and used as an occasional Water Boy when he's told to do his duty for the Party.

So there you have it. Yer Coach; Yer Team; Yer Back-Benchers and Yer Water Boys.

That's the cartoonish House GOP Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has created.

This is Just SO Adorable.

They talk like sailors! With their little white, starched hats and their short bellbottoms!

"Stay the course!" is a naval term, you know. Ronald Reagan made it popular, so it's natural that Republicans use it whenever possible. Reagan at least had a boat and enjoyed sailing, though. King George I was a Navy Ace, so it was natural that he'd use the term. But little George went AWOL... from the Texas Air National Guard. Guardsmen normally make fun of sailor talk.

So it's pretty funny (adorable, as I said) that little Jeff Snowflake is saying House Republicans "...need a new course."

I said the other day that these guys are doomed to fail. It's not going to change. Not with back-benchers like Snowflake trying to take over. Republicans will take years to reform their party.

By the way, read Little Snowflake's bio. It's just adorable!

It's also why I refer to him as a back-bencher.

I'll give you a better breakdown of the GOP (as it exists today) in a while.

How Can Anyone Believe Denny Hastert?

Reform must be an important issue for J. Dennis, because the staff used the word five times in four itty-bitty, short little paragraphs.

Wonder what reforms he's talking about?

Probably more great ideas, like having the ethics committee approve trips beforehand.

Nice try.

Monitor Reporter Abducted in Iraq.

Good God.

Jill Carroll, a brilliant young writer for the Christian Science Monitor has been reporting from Iraq since 2003.

She was abducted Saturday.

Hastert Attempting to Rig Leadership Vote.

This is as clear as can be. John Boehner is the choice of moderates? Don't count on it.

Boehner got his start with the Gingrich Gang in the early 90s. It's highly likely that Hastert encouraged him to run -- as a Moderate -- to split the vote. With the party split, it could signal Blunt's election to Leader. Enough Moderate Republicans would vote for Boehner, but it's likely more would prefer someone else.

As far as Boehner's credibility as a "clean" candidate for the job is concerned, let's not forget his ethics problems, dating back to his handing out tobacco lobby checks on the floor of the House while it was in session.

And then there's the Abramoff connection to his own PAC.

Blunt is Hastert's choice, to be sure. But the election of either Blunt or Boehner as Majority Leader means nothing will change.

Nothing.

Sick Dick.

It was nice to see CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta correct statements made about the Vice-Monster's trip to the hospital in the middle of the night.

The Cheney Monster's spokespeople had issued a statement in which his EKG was referred to as "normal" (which is a lie) and that the Vice-Monster had driven himself to the hospital. Right.

Dr. Gupta politely pointed out that Cheney's EKG "is unchanged," that he wears a pacemaker (let's stop calling it a portable defibrillator) because of his abnormal EKG. Also, Gupta mentioned that Cheney was likely driven to the hospital by his driver, and did not call for an ambulance.

See? These guys just can't stop lying to you.

The condition he went to the hospital is normally referred to as "congestive heart failure" (see "Heart Failure").

In addition to eating live babies and causing misery to those around him, Cheney smoked cigarettes until his first heart attack at age 37, in 1978.

US Auto Industry Execs: Dumb-fuck Central.

And what is it with these guys??!

I'd like to see at least the same efforts put into fuel efficiency and transformation of the industry to focus on easing the demand on oil.

Please.

Instead, what we get is an industry that spends millions to lobby Washington to keep CAFE standards miserably low.

Regulation, boy... I dunno.

Sadly, It's Another Very Bad Weekend.

The Pentagon has announced the loss of a Blackhawk carrying 12. Presumably, they were all our personnel.

In addition, five others were reported killed in various incidents this weekend.

Only a Matter of Time.

Yes, it's only a matter of time before a number of things begin to come unhinged for Hastert and his bully buddies.

You had to know this was only a moment away, too.

Yum.