America Is Safer For This.

More fun and games from Michael Chertoff's Laugh Festival and Clusterfuck Central.

You may not know it, but a low credit rating can also put you on the TSA Watch List. Permanently. I talk to people who travel all the time who either don't know how fucked up the system is, or they've been "watch-listed" and have been told, basically, it's none of their God-Damned business why or how their name got there, and that they shouldn't ever expect to be able to do an e-check-in at the airports. Ever again.

Beautiful.

I also think we should start rounding people up at the airports who, you know, "look funny." You know what I mean. Disappear 'em.

Remember: These things will never happen to Americans unless they're with the terrorists. Those who don't break the law have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Teachers On Leave.

I'm about a minute away from falling on my face after the day I've had. And reading this.

This is just great. I have a thing about using the word "cocksucker" twice in one day, but since it's after midnight on blog time, allow me to polish up the term for the parent. I just love this:

Sophomore Sean Allen recorded about 20 minutes of Bennish's class during a Feb. 1 discussion about Bush's State of the Union speech and gave the recording to his father, who complained to the principal, Amole said.

``After listening to the tape, it's evident the comments in the class were inappropriate. There were not adequate opportunities for opposing points of view,'' she said.

These are exactly the kind of people who rail about how it's ridiculous that teachers would have to obey such "equal time" rules in the classroom.

You know, why don't we just kill these teachers? Maybe Dick Cheney could open up a torture chamber for teachers who say bad words, or say something bad about Dear Leader? Suspending them isn't good enough, because they'll just find work again somewhere. And God knows No Child Left Behind just doesn't punish teachers and students enough.

I can only hope that the teacher, Jay Bennish, sues every one of these stupid cocksuckers and retires to a new mountain community in the very near future.

Hastert's Congress to Gulf Coast:

Your unemployed citizens just got another 13 weeks to find a God-Damned job. So get busy.

Right?

You bet. Hastert is one of those moronic, knee-jerk conservatives who sees unemployment as a black and white issue. The reason you're not finding a job is your fault. You're not looking, or you're not taking whatever's available. If Congress extends unemployment benefits beyond the legal limit of six months, they're only aiding and abetting the enemy. You know, the Welfare State.

Wow. Three more months of unemployment benefits.

Thank You, Sir!

Can we get those poor, dirty niggers and cajuns a gummint-issued refrigerator box to live in?

What good Christian Congressmen we have. Those miserable victims on the Gulf Coast receive an average of only $189/week.

Jesus Christ Almighty.

Trent Duffy: Katrina Response Gummint's Fault.

Wow. There's that word again. Trent Duffy, deputy WH press secreatary, says it was "gummint red tape," and the large bureacracy that failed, not President Bush.

Boy, am I glad we cleared that up.

Um... Trent? Since you fuckers own every branch of government, you stupid cocksucker, maybe you should just admit you fucked up. You, your brothers and sisters, your boss, his boss, your secretary...

Every one of you should be on your way to an island in the Arctic circle, wearing only your underwear.

Asshole.

Detroit a Big Loser. Again.

Consumer Reports, once again, gives more than 1/3 of the top model ratings to foreign cars.

Now, before you go kooky, keep in mind this is not the "Best Electric Car with Satellite Radio," or somesuch uselesss rating system. There is one (1) "Green Car" category. The rest are vehicle type, broken down into price ranges.

Best Pickup: Honda. Detroit: Big fucking loser.

Thank You, Sir!!

Thanks, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, for allowing the U.S. auto industry to fuck and suck themselves into oblivion, along with thousands of good-paying jobs, while you have done absolutely nothing to incent automakers to make better, more alternative fuel vehicles (that don't all resemble Hummers).

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Hastert leads his fat delegation through the streets of the Forgotten City today.

It is good to be fat, diabetic, and in a pretend position of power while in New Orleans!

Let the good times roll!

The Fearless Leader.

Sidney Blumenthal in today's Salon writes about Bush's incurious, inflexible ignorance.

How's this for a scary line of succession: Bush, Cheney, Hastert, Ted Stevens, then Condi Rice.

As Blumenthal points out, every single one has turned flattery and sycophancy into science.

Bush Knew, Vol. II.

What shall we call this presidency? Clusterfuck XLIII?

Toast?

More images here.

Now we know why he went on vacation in India. It's the adoring crowds.

Lott Comments Signal The End Is Near.

Yes, the end is near, believers.

When former cheerleader, and Resident Barber Pole Jumper Shop Quartet Leader of the Senate Trent Lott reacts like this, it's over...

Republicans are beginning to mold the ice float they're making for Bush's voyage to the South Pacific.

Big To-Do Thursday

A little bird tells me the "Progressives" are planning a bitchfest at tomorrow's Kendall County Dems meeting with the idea of simply disrupting the meeting, thus ruining the outgoing Chairman's last meeting.

Nice.

Plan to attend and prevent a scene if you can: 7 pm at the Montgomery PD HQ on US Rt 30.

Where's Denny?

This is too good to be true. This little news release from the Bonjean fake fact factory can't be real. It must be satire.

Really! Where has Hastert been?!

February 27, 2006

(Washington, D.C.) -- Speaker of the House J. Dennis Hastert (R-IL) today announced that he and Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) will lead a bipartisan delegation March 2 - 4 to Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama to look at progress in the cleanup and rebuilding efforts by all levels of government and charitable organizations. The delegation will look at the effectiveness of recovery assistance, while ensuring the most resources possible are reaching people directly.

“Hurricane Katrina affected thousands of families and businesses along the Gulf Coast, and this Congress responded, sending billions of dollars in assistance for cleanup and recovery,” Speaker Hastert said. “It is also important for us to get a first-hand look to ensure that federal dollars are being wisely spent and that help is getting to the families, small businesses and organizations that need it. I look forward to visiting with the people of the Gulf Coast who have been affected by Hurricane Katrina as well as with local, state and federal officials who are handling the rebuilding efforts.”

The delegation to the Gulf Coast will be announced this week.

How about getting a first-hand by watching the news coverage of the past, oh, six months?! Are you really this stupid?

This is a Shock!

It's an absolute shock!

We won't be reducing troops in Iraq because Operation Clusterfuck XII has been introduced?

I can't believe this.

War forever after?

I can't believe it!

Do we have a Congress?

Is there accountability?

Is Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert stuffing his face with King Cake in the Big Easy yet?

What. The. Hell. Is. This.

OK. So, reporting the finding that Condoleeza Rice is barely human would be a breaking story.

Why the hell is her fucking workout schedule so important?

Where in the world are the priorities? Have these people heard of news values?

Bush: Against Bin Laden Before They Were Partners.

Well. Partners in crime.

Another flippity, flip the flop, I guess.

The truth will set you free, Georgey.

Hastert & Wrecking Crew Head to NOLA.

Look out, big easy. Heavy D is on the way. Prepare the King Cakes, roll in the barrels of Abita, hose down the Vomitorium, and dredge Pontchartrain for the last sewage- and muck-dwelling crawfish for The Delegation!

While I think it's nice that this is finally happening, you know it's going to be marked by an orgy of gastronomy. ( Could this have been timed for Hastert to attend Mardi Gras? Oh, perish the thought! ) When you consider the large number of dignitaries chosen for the trip, it goes way beyond insult.

If these Republicans had any sense at all, if they gave a single God-Damn about what has happened and what the government needs to do for its citizens, there would be regular delegations of 2, 5, 10 House members or their senior staff members going to the Gulf Coast, reporting back to the office, posting digital images of the carnage and whatever progress or special needs they identify. You would see them every night on television talking about it. No, crowing about it.

This is just another whorefest about to unfold. The philistines are firmly in control.

Think I'm wrong?

Well, well. I noticed Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's greatest mentor, Archangel of New American Private Orphanage System Newt Gingrich is now piping up about why the government must rebuild NOLA.

So... When does the American public finally stand up and say Enough is Enough! with these cynical ploys that do nothing but destroy the public trust?

Hastert's Ethics Reform: Not So Fast, Fat Boy.

Lest we forget, have a read of Arianna's Salon column from three years ago.

Thanks to Denny Hastert and his pals in the House Republican leadership, lobbyists will now be able to pick up the tab for House members whenever the lawmakers attend charitable events, including golf outings and those all-important policy retreats held at lavish resorts. The new rules, which are hardly worthy of the term since it connotes constraint or restriction, also increase the amount lobbyists can spend to feed congressional staffers a yummy catered meal when they are working late.
...
Last year, for instance, while Hastert's staff was burning the midnight oil on a prescription drug bill, they enjoyed a dinner sent over by drug industry lobbyists whose mothers obviously taught them that the fastest way to an industry-friendly loophole or regulation is through a staffer's stomach. And if an antacid were needed to counteract the after-effects of the meal, I'm sure the drug flacks were only too happy to oblige.

Proviso Probe.

I received a note from Carl Nyberg of Proviso Probe over the weekend and just wanted to start things off by mentioning that I restored the link to his blog under the Illinois Blogs section on the right (likely one of the ones I did not get restored after 50MO suffered a blogger implosion a while back).

Carl is kicking off a fundraiser today and intends to file articles of incorporation for his blog, which I think is an excellent idea. I agree with Carl that the step he is taking is the future of blogging.

He has a very ambitious goal of establishing Proviso Probe as a media outlet for important local and regional stories that do not receive the coverage the probably deserve. I do not think any of the communities are covered (at least adequately) by a daily community newspaper, so Carl is breaking some important ground. Call it Insta-Media. I call it the future.

If you're not sure what the hell I'm talking about, Proviso Township is a strategically important area of about 36 square miles in west Cook (and part of east DuPage) County that is rich with Liberal values and tradition. The township's very name is rich with history you should explore.

And if you've got $20 lying around with no "earmarks" for it, drop it on Carl.

Candidate Laesch Finally Admits It.

So he is the dirty, lying little prick I said he was all along.

At his Daily Kos page, John Laesch admits his role in the petition challenges that got 11 qualified Democrats removed from the primary ballot, and his role in siding with a group of nutjob "Progressives" who are about to take over the regular Democratic Party in Kendall.

Well, well, well. Aside from being fellated by a commenter named (ironically) "flautist," and fellating himself and any number of out-of-district "Thank You Sir!" supporters, there's not much in Laesch's Kos Diary that leads me away from my earlier conclusion.

This kid is delusional. And he's in way over his head.

I guess I can't claim to be back to neutral, anymore.

Fristy Goes First Again...

This is no surprise by now, I suppose.

Hastert is probably still cleaning up the smoke-filled back room where he was "dealing" all weekend.

We'll probably have another red-faced statement in the morning.

Note to Ron Bonjean and "the speaker:" the chairmen of DP World and Carlyle Group called. They both want you guys to use skim milk in their coffee tomorrow morning, and not cream. Got it?

I'm Not Alone With My Suspicions.

This KR wire story highlights a number of issues surrounding Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney's shooting of a good friend political donor a hunting buddy an acquaintance while hunting in Texas two weeks ago.

Where the Hell is Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's buddy, Dan Burton, when you need a backyard ballistics test and re-enactment, anyway? Probably still shaking down foreign lobbyists for illegal contributions.

With so many issues that still remain, and are the result of Cheney's absolute incompetence at dealing with issues that deal with public inspection of his weird, secret world, shouldn't Congress have a hand at this?.

Call Denny Hastert's office (every chance you get) and demand another Spanish Inquisition a full, Congressional inquiry.

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