Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Speaker Hastert: Why Isn't This Man in Jail?

First was the deliberate leak of the LA FEMA head's astonishment at the odd focus "Brownie's" advance people had on his dinner hour.

Now, this.

Great Jesus Jumpin' Jehosephat!


Why was he allowed to resign instead of being fired and stripped of his very dignity?

Why haven't you exercised some leadership and asked for this man's arrest for his complacency and incompetence?

Making the Hard Decisions

President Chauncey Gardener has long made it clear that it's "hard work bein' Preznit." And he's long talked about making the difficult decisions -- hard decisions -- like going to war in Iraq, slashing the federal budget, piling up debt.

Denny Hastert spends much of his time advocating these "hard decisions" (although it's unclear if he really understands what he's saying on behalf of so many others at this point). This, after all, is a man who takes great pride in the sports analogy and his "Coach" image, while his real job, it's clear, is being waterboy for corporate interests that stand to crush the middle class in the near term. His "coaching" is more like note-taking as he fetches coffee and sandwich orders for the powerful.

You and I are supposed to believe that it's very difficult to make those choices; to have to weigh the good and the bad and come up with this five-year string of devastatingly stupid maneuvers. Nothing could be further from reality.

It's a joke. And the joke's been on us.

It's easy to send someone else's kids, fathers and mothers to war. Hell, we rolled over Iraq in days. It's a God-Damned third-world country. We knew that would happen. We didn't think about the really hard thing; what to do after we got there.

It's easy to eliminate Amtrak funding from the budget when you know no one who depends on it for commuting, for family emergencies, for sheer economy of service. Privatizing the railways will make it less expensive, we're told. Competition among railway carriers, the railway barons tell us, is hard work, but good for consumers.

It's easy to eliminate funding for a levee system that will require hundreds of millions to repair and upgrade. Local governments should pay for those things, right? That's not hard to cook up. Send the money to Iraq, where you're getting your ass shot off, instead. That's easy. The result is that we'll spend a thousand times that to rebuild the levee system and New Orleans and the surrounding cities that were under fetid waters for weeks.

It's easy to send your benefactors their investment -- plus a fat return -- in the form of a permanent tax cut. They asked you for it and you deliver it. Your party makes all of the decisions. Fuck the poor. See how easy that was?

And if Fristy Hastert doesn't give you what you want? It's easy to sign an executive order rescinding a worker's right to a decent wage.

Mario Cuomo called it the night before the election in 2000, on Larry King:
    "...But the loser here, if Bush wins, in my opinion, very objectively, will be the United States of America, because the first thing that will happen is you'll have an all-Republican government for the first time since Eisenhower. And it'll be much worse than the Republicans of the Eisenhower era, because they're conservatives. And Trent Lott and Dennis Hastert are not going to let Mr. Bush be a compassionate conservative. They are what they are, very conservative. They'll bring back the Gingrich agenda, which Clinton vetoed. They'll pass a $1.3 trillion tax cut against a phony surplus, because there is no $4.6 trillion, and Kasich knows it."
See? That's not hard at all.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Hastert Strikes Out in Red State Indiana.

Strange, but true.

Denny Hastert's being called for his hypocrisy in the heart of Indiana, at the Anderson Herald Bulletin.

Apparently, even those really Red Hoosiers aren't going to let Fristy Hastert get away with their special blend of tax cuts and reckless spending.

I'm really tempted, but I will not publish another chorus of a state song today.

Here comes the headline, though: "Indiana Fires Another Coach."

Denny: Call Omar.

Omar the tentmaker is about to get some business, because Denny Hastert is going to need something mighty big to cover his ass, now that the shit has started to rain down on his skinny little brother, Fristy.

Fristy was just choking on his heart a minute ago in front of the camera. In one breath, he stated that Reid's action in taking the Senate behind closed doors to discuss Plamegate and its relationship to the Iraq invasion was appropriate and "in accordance with the Senate rules." Then, apoplexy set in as he called in "inappropriate," "a stunt," a "dirty trick," and a "personal affront."

Oh, my.

Watch for two things to happen: Fristy is going to declare Martial Law in the Senate by invoking the Nuclear Option and denying Democrats the filibuster.

House Democrats are going to start pissing on somebody else's legs for a change.

Hey, Denny: You and your skinny little brother fucked us on energy, bankruptcy, environment, threat of tax reform and the dissolution of Social Security. Get ready to get yourself fucked right back. Now we're going to start using the rules to move a meaningful agenda.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Tolerating this guy's talk of science is kind of like listening to Denny Hastert talk about... well, anything.

Borrrr-ing. Unbeleeeeev-able.

It's pretty certain he had no idea what he was reading, from all the fumbled lines, twisted expressions, and his near smile and trademark smirk during the applause points.

At any rate, all of this is a little late, and little more expensive now, isn't it?

If only our government had a branch of publicly elected officials from different regions of every state... "Representatives," we might call them... to come together maybe 2/3 of the year to work on such issues...

Maybe then it wouldn't all be left to one moron to govern and protect us.

Our Finest.

Without the names of those who were killed during the last few days of October, I've counted 72 men and women from Illinois killed in Iraq since we invaded in March, 2003.

Since Denny Hastert's Congress allows the Pentagon to shuffle the wounded like peas in a shell game, those numbers are not known, nor are the true numbers likely to ever be known.
    ...Not without thy wondrous story, Illinois, Illinois,
    Can be writ the nation's glory, Illinois, Illinois,
    On the record of thy years,
    Abraham Lincoln's name appears, Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois, Illinois,
    Grant and Logan, and our tears, Illinois.
Tell me about the noble cause of freedom again.

You Say Alito, I Say Elite-o...

George W. Bush has completely eliminated the Republican ability to use the term "Liberal Elite" with this nomination.

Why is that? Because what he has done over the past five years has created a new permanent establishment in Washington, D.C. that is likely to take Democrats a generation to correct.

From career public service employees (at all levels) at State, Justice and EPA who elected to walk away from the malevolence and incompetence they were subjected to in the workplace, and now the Supreme Court, George W. Bush has successfully left the mark of his utterly fear-driven Elitist administration on America.

This is when Denny Hastert shows his true stripes. His multi million-dollar press operation has been mum since Ron Bonjean posted his "Why I Hate the Media" on the Speaker's Urinal last Friday.

Hastert says nothing. And "The Coach's" silence is very telling.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Last, Last-Minute Costume Ideas...

If you've stayed in tonight (and who would blame you, with such nasty Halloween weather as we're having in Chicagoland) because you didn't plan far enough ahead to get a costume, or if you planned on going as Denny Hastert but found a 300-lb fat suit would break your costume budget, here are some suggestions for costumes that will make you every bit as ghoulish as Scooter Libby. And they're all done with items you have around the house!
George W. Bush. Just paint an "L" on your forehead. Grin and chortle a lot. And walk like a monkey.
Laura Bush Costume. You'll need a broom handle for this one. You'll know what to do with it. If not, you could either stick it somewhere or have someone beat you senseless with it.
Michael Chertoff. Men only; you'll need to shave your ass down to stubble and then walk backwards.
Ken Mehlman. Men or women; think Hillary Swank.
Run-of-the-Mill Republican. Just sneak around to your neighbor's bedroom window and peer in. Tomorrow, rail about their indecency and immorality.
A Televangelist. My own all-time favorite. Everyone has an ill-fitting polyester blend suit around (men and women both can enjoy this one!). Make your hair big and slick it up. Next, clutch a Bible in one hand and prepare to emphasize your point with the other. Get in the faces of your neighbors, and speak liberally (no puns here!) in stark, black and white terms about right and wrong, good and evil, etc. Then present the neighbors with a petition to elect someone in the next primary. That should scare the Hell out of 'em!

Poverty on the Rise

Illinois Times has a great piece on poverty in the Land of Lincoln.

Also linked--with lowlights posted--at SoapbloxChicago, by Karie.

Note to Ron Bonjean:

For the next press release alarm that comes up in your planner:
Write something about issues that matter. And while you're at it, tell your webmaster to get rid of that stupid, God-Damned countdown on the Speaker's start page. I'm working on my own: "10 - Number of stalls in the garage Denny built on his property to house some of his antique car collection..."

For the next blog entry alarm that pops up in said planner:
Write something that at least makes it sound like the Speaker isn't a dopey old fart. Nearly impossible, I know, but nobody's buying the homespun old coach thing anymore.

And while you're still trying to strip off the shellacking that you got when you were mouthing for Trent Lott, remember that you're not supposed to show what an ugly political animal J. Dennis really is.

Thanks for your attention.