Thursday, April 20, 2006

Call Hastert And Demand Action NOW.

Unless you've been underground in your shielded bunker like me, or at church awaiting The Rapture (oh, goody!), you have no doubt read or seen reports about the democratic uprising in Nepal. Also, you can't turn on the Cartoon Network tonight without seeing pictures of China's President Hu, who finally made it to D.C. after starting the week with the American he most wanted to make deals with, Microsoft's Bill Gates.

I'll bet Bill Gates, at least, didn't introduce him as the President of the Republic of China. Oh, well.

So what the Hell are doing fucking around with Iraq and Iran, anyway, when the really big prize would be China and Nepal?

I mean, honestly, we could kick the living shit out of everybody in Kathmandu in about 3 days, don't you think? Fuck the aftermath! We could get Pottery Barn and REI to open shops there after the killing is over, then make a God-Damned mountain climbing resort out of it. And a mountain resort would make a lovely vacation spot... and an excellent staging area for Army Rangers.

Which makes it all pretty easy to demand action on that one.

But China, whoa! Red China. Probably still pisses Rumsfeld off that we even speak to those Godless, God-Damned yellow devils. They eat dogs there, too, God-Damn it! Dogs!

What a prize that one would be. They have been threatening Taiwan for as long as I've been alive. And it's got to stop before we're no longer able to get iPods, and all the other really cool stuff that is made there.

So Friday morning make your first priority a call to Speaker Hastert's office to demand that he introduce a resolution in the House to provoke all out war with these two Godless, Maoist, un-Democracy loving nations and start bombing the real devils of the world. The Yellow Hoard.

Hastert's Offices
D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

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