Market's Going Well. How About Social Security Reform?

I notice the market is going very well today (if you're a self-sodomy freak kind of investor). The Dow is tickling its knees and thighs around the 10,400 mark, on its way to grabbing its ankles (likely by the end of the year).

Gee. Now would be the time I'd want to have my Social Security poured into such a market! It's low! It's bound to go up!

Now's the time to call your congressman, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and order him to get Social Security on the floor of the House for debate. Right Now!

D.C. Office
Phone: 202-225-2976
Batavia District Office
Phone: 630-406-1114
Dixon Regional Office
Phone: 815-288-0680
Geneseo Regional Office
Phone: 309-944-3558

And don't forget the most important part: That you want it all invested in the Bank of God-Damned Japan and China. Because, thanks to "The Coach," they're going to own your ass if you don't get the jump on owning a piece of them.