Monday, October 31, 2005

Last, Last-Minute Costume Ideas...

If you've stayed in tonight (and who would blame you, with such nasty Halloween weather as we're having in Chicagoland) because you didn't plan far enough ahead to get a costume, or if you planned on going as Denny Hastert but found a 300-lb fat suit would break your costume budget, here are some suggestions for costumes that will make you every bit as ghoulish as Scooter Libby. And they're all done with items you have around the house!
George W. Bush. Just paint an "L" on your forehead. Grin and chortle a lot. And walk like a monkey.
Laura Bush Costume. You'll need a broom handle for this one. You'll know what to do with it. If not, you could either stick it somewhere or have someone beat you senseless with it.
Michael Chertoff. Men only; you'll need to shave your ass down to stubble and then walk backwards.
Ken Mehlman. Men or women; think Hillary Swank.
Run-of-the-Mill Republican. Just sneak around to your neighbor's bedroom window and peer in. Tomorrow, rail about their indecency and immorality.
A Televangelist. My own all-time favorite. Everyone has an ill-fitting polyester blend suit around (men and women both can enjoy this one!). Make your hair big and slick it up. Next, clutch a Bible in one hand and prepare to emphasize your point with the other. Get in the faces of your neighbors, and speak liberally (no puns here!) in stark, black and white terms about right and wrong, good and evil, etc. Then present the neighbors with a petition to elect someone in the next primary. That should scare the Hell out of 'em!