BULLETIN: Hastert, Cronies Invent Perpetual Motion.

It's true! Unlike the hundreds of others before them, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and his corrupt cronies have invented the first Perpetual Motion Device. The device can be found working today -- and quite well, at that -- in the nation's capital.

For centuries, inventors, dreamers and assorted kooks have gone so far as to give their lives attempting to perfect the Perpetual Motion Machine, or create a free energy source.

Hastert and other Republicans in the U.S. House have done it in about a decade. Here's how it works.

The "K Street Project," born in the mid-90s, was the embryo for the device. Staff from Congressional offices and families alike are mingled with their counterparts in the Washington lobbyists, thereby creating a permanently established source of fuel for the device.

The fuel is further manufactured in and of itself by the sources indicated above, then those same fuel sources, as well as the Congressmen themselves, return to their home districts and convince state and local governments to join the device.

This joining of energy source particles is handled mainly by both unwitting and corrupt county boards who are convinced at some point that they must employ one of the lobbying firms in order to get whatever it is they need by their Congressmen.

Incredible, isn't it?

There's one catch. Since taxpayers are paying Congressmen, and paying the expense -- at least in the long term -- for lobbying activities over the past 10 years, and are also now paying for their local and state governments's lobbying bills, it is unknown whether this source of income is inexhaustible.