In the final analysis, I am a fucking genius. Again.
That's right, sports fans, because what I had been saying all along has finally come to pass: and now Dennis "J. Dennis" Hastert has been defeated outside his district.
Right again, kiddos. Outside the motherfuckin' district.
Some of the beef-headed morons of the Jim Birch Society (and other various sundry dolts) snottily sneered a few months ago that I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about when I said that. Today they probably think John Laesch's "Revive the American Dream" theme is what turned the House back over to Democratic hands.
"The American Dream" theme, by the way, is a southern slang akin to "hang all the niggers." True. I got a good snicker from those silly purple signs the kid kept buying, though, every time they sprang up by the dozen at corners. Oh, yeah, kid: corners don't vote. You'd want to have those signs in yards to make your popularity look real. Nice try, though.
But what in the world was I talking about? Oh, yes. How fucking smart I am.
So "The Coach," the oafish dolt, the Accidental Congressman who rose to become Accidental Speaker of the House and performed wonders as a kindly fat old man who would never lie or play demagogue (but did at every fucking turn, because he's not kindly at all) has been fired. Outside the district. The only way it could happen.
Check out the vote totals by county and tell me I'm wrong, Progressive Patriots. You blew through money like a crack whore and you've got nothing to show for it. Zip!
As for my next pronouncement: Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert won't serve out his full term of office. He can't stand losing. Never could. And now he has plenty of good excuses to waddle off to the big old farm in Wisconsin and hang out with Sensenbrenner.