Friday, June 02, 2006

Denny & The Wrecking Crew.

In a brilliant PR move designed to parrot the President's daily, petulant remarks about how bad --but really, really good-- things are going in Iraq, Speaker of the House Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert made the following remarks a little while ago to a small crowd secured by 200 heavily armed security forces with air cover:
"On behalf of the United States House of Representatives, I am pleased to be here in Baghdad and to bring greetings to our brave men and women serving here in Iraq. The United States is grateful for your service. We know that your efforts are keeping this battle off American streets and off American soil. We in Congress are committed to giving our fighting men and women all the tools they need to get the job done. Part of the reason for my visit is to find out first-hand just what they
do need.
"As a history teacher for 16 years before coming to Congress, I know how difficult it was for our country, more than 200 years ago, to establish a working democracy. There is much here that remains to be done. And, it will continue to require sacrifice and patience from the Iraqi and American people.
So, I guess the message is pretty much:

"Thank you for getting slaughtered by the hundreds in your homes, on your streets, on your way to the fucking fruit stand, and in your houses of worship, so we don't have to. And by the way, I have never sacrificed anything in my entire, fat, privileged life, and don't intend to start now. And surely not now that I'm about to retire rich from this government job where I've done virtually nothing but travel and live very well on the public dole for 20 years.

"So when I say I'm here to find out what our boys and girls need, I'm not going to take your fucking questions about lack of armor or troops, or the fact that some of these poor, stupid bastards signed away a hell of lot more than they were bargaining for when they signed up for Guard and Reserve duty. I'm not looking for anything while I'm here, except for a size XXXXL Kevlar vest with shoulder pads and maybe a fucking tungsten carbide wall to hide behind while I'm here. I'm here for the photo-op and to maybe change the miserable news coverage all of the scandals I'm sitting on might otherwise get over the weekend.
Oh, yeah, that and:
"I should be able to find that reference to the British-loving insurgents who blew up entire lineages of families while they sat peacefully in the church of their choice during and after the American Revolution, but it never really happened that way."

Hastert made a "surprise trip" to Baghdad today along with fellow Illinoisan on the public dole Ray LaHood (R-Big Al's in Peoria) (who looks positively more awful every time I see him in public), and two other Republican Mouth-breathing Goofs from the House.

The trip was secret until this morning because it's not safe for anyone to be going there, lest they be shot out off the fucking horizon (although Democracy is Marching Forward over there).

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