I Am The Fox.

My sharp, and well-formed opinions have been dismissed by some of the new "Progressive" kids over at Soapblox/Chicago because of my anonymity, and that is a shame. My first direct answer to the question should have been a hint of who I am and what I represent.

I've had a hearty laugh that someone now believes I may be the former Dem Party chair in Kendall, Martin Flowers. Fact is, I don't even know the Flowers family. Never met them.

Truthfully, I've written to Flowers a few times and never heard back. I think that actually speaks to his credit.

But I know what I know. And I know who I am.

In the 1970s, a noble crusader in my home region who dubbed himself "The Fox" "gave it back" to corporate polluters of the Fox River by dumping their own toxic sludge in the corporate lobby, and plugging the factory waste pipes of the Dial Corporation's plant in Montgomery (which at the time, emptied its waste directly into the Fox River).

What's more, The Fox had a close-knit band of friends who aided and protected him. Many of them were local police officers, and many of the tactics they used should have landed someone in jail.

But The Fox served up my kind of justice.

It troubles me that many of the people who now live in the Southern Fox Valley don't know anything about that famous, secret crusader. Many who are jumping on the bandwagon of the local "Progressives" have no earthly idea who they're getting wrapped up with. It kind of all binds together nicely.

I have noted with more than one reporter who I've corresponded with over the past several months that Thomas Paine, the author of Common Sense, was probably our most famous anonymous pamphleteer. When his identity became known, his opinions mattered far less to those who loved him for his other works, The Crisis, and Rights of Man.

He was excoriated for his religious views after publishing The Age of Reason and died deeply in debt. Today, his grave is empty, and the whereabouts of his bones unknown.

But read this, and tell me it should be scorned:

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

Now, I would never claim to be the writer Thomas Paine was. But that is damned good, even today (and damned demogogic, too.)

But if his identity had been known, the work would have likely never made history.

Had Paine been known, you may have found a letter to the editor from some colonial mouth-breather that retorted something like, "...and thus blew out of the affholle of Paine, yet again."

I have also mentioned more than once that if my identity were to become known, I would not be able to live in this area any longer. And my friends and acquaintances who know Hastert and have shared secrets with me would never be the same. So let's be careful.

I also enjoy, oh... living in verticality above ground and being able to keep my job. After all, Denny Hastert is an idiot, but the people he serves are dark-hearted, malevolent, vindictive bastards.

(Hello to all of you secretive, spying little cocksuckers out there, by the way)

And here we are. All of us blogging. Some of us showing our names with pride, others "hiding behind an anonymous handle."

I am an anonymous pamphleteer. Those of us who were on top of things when "The Internets" first exploded on the scene more than a dozen years ago kind of saw this coming. Today, however, Thomas Paine might become the victim of an attack on his bandwidth, or "outed" by some of the people I've seen coming to SB/C lately.

So enjoy me. Hate me. Read me. Use your senses. Just think about it. That's why I am here.

I am Thomas Paine. I am The Fox. I am every famous Liberal who has passed, not afraid to take up that designation. I am your conscience, and the conscience of all others who came before you, bearing down on you.

I hate the term "Progressive," when it's used interchangably for "Liberal." I hate cowards who are afraid to use the word that Ronald Reagan made you so afraid of: Liberal.

Say it. And remember this about this about Liberalism:

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. For I did not die.

Raise Hell.

Please take a moment to call your Congressman and raise Holy Hell about President Bush's latest "Faith-Based Executive Order."

Better yet, since he doesn't represent his own district in the House, per se, call the Speaker of the House at one of his offices listed here and tell him that Homeland Security has no business getting involved in the Matthew Lesko Giveaway of Government Money to Faith-Based Organizations.

President Bush has cynically abused the Executive Order by allowing yet another government agency to give away your tax money to faith-based organizations, and is once again shifting more of government's Constitutional responsibilities to the churches.

Hastert's Offices
D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

Send Matthew Lesko to Congress.

You could get $65,000 to start your own business!
$100,000 to study arts management!
$250,000 to sell cosmetics!

Or if you're Judson College in Elgin, an American Baptist university, you could get $7.5 million of taxpayer money to build a new library.

Thank you, Heavy D!

Two things I'd like to make clear: Judson College has a beautiful campus, and as a young Baptist, Hell, I might have even gone there (but I wouldn't tell you all that, now would I?) and it's an excellent school. In fact, Judson is one of the finest colleges in the nation. And I certainly have no problems with federal dollars being used to start and promote green initiatives.

What I have big problems with are:
a) the fact that the federal government is giving $ million $ of dollar $ to Private Schools that are allowed to practice whatever policies they choose, and not necessarily, oh... affirmative action or anti-discriminatory ones, at that. (I have no evidence that Judson has ever done that, btw)
b) the fact that the federal government is giving $ million $ of dollar $ to Faith-Based institutions. Period.
c) the fact that neither you nor I have a say in this. Period.

Wonder what the Muslim community centers in the 14th District got last year from the federal government?

Oh, right. Never mind.

We Are A Nation of Sheep.

I know this will come as a big surprise to those who have read me before, but I've come to the solid conclusion that we have become a Nation of Mouflon Morons.

As I hate to bring cynicism and humor to bear on such a serious subject, I must tell you that I've been heavily influenced by two recent diaries by unagidon and Yoda.

Both look at the issue with humor, and I admire that. Both have become, in my view, welcome voices at SoapBlox/Chicago, and in the greater Blogscape-o-shere (or whatever we call this venue).

But both miss the point, which is that people simply don't care about things anymore until the issues are so large and looming so as to become insurmountable monsters, salivating devils drooling pools of santorum and carnage on their doorsteps.

Like that? I thought you would. We've become bloodthirsty monsters, as well. That's right. We are a nation of haters, eager to out, kill, maim, or otherwise utterly destroy those who are different from us. And why? People just see it as the easier choice.

That's why I shake my head in disgust when this President, and when this "Speaker" talk of "making the hard choices."

Killing is easy. Fuck it. I won't have to deal with it tomorrow. You're dead, asshole. I guess I showed you.

But you have to understand the very subtle difference between these two widely juxtaposed descriptions I have just given you. Denny Hastert is just Denny Hastert. I always use quotes on "J. Dennis" because I know it's an invented title, of sorts. I saw it coming. It's part of his power.

Denny Hastert is a mook. A tool. A lugnut. He's a man without an original thought. He was stripped of all original thought years ago when he was "made" by his original benefactor, Dallas Ingemunson, who is about to coronate his little Boy, Boy Ingemunson, as the next State's Attorney of Kendall County.

In that pact, you see, Denny Hastert agreed to strip himself down to the shell. That's what was needed to feed the juggernaut. They needed another affable front man. Like Reagan. Now, Hastert's no Reagan (Reagan was much worse), but that was the image that dealmakers above Ingemunson had for the future leaders of the party.

"Give us another mook... someone no one would think could possibly come up with the things we have in mind..."

Before being played by Ingemunson, Hastert couldn't even win a primary election in his home area. He was washed up after his first election. Ingemunson handpicked him to take the place of the man who beat him in the primary because the winner was diagnosed with cancer after he won.

No. The subtle difference I'm talking about is the difference between soul-less killers and sheep. It's really us and them (or "them and us," as it were).

The subtle difference is that "they" were chosen by their benefactors to represent power. And "they" are paid mightily.

Denny Hastert is paid mightily in the blood of American servicemen, for gleefully "doing the hard work" of allowing the President of the United States to usurp the power of the House Speaker -- and as a token, the House, in general -- in taking the nation to war.

Denny Hastert has been nothing but complacent in the face of grave dangers that present themselves to our nation, and to the Republic and our beloved Constitution.

He is paid in ransom money for selling out your future, and the future of your unborn children and grandchildren, by raising the debt ceiling and doing nothing to cut expenditures of our federal government except to punish poor people by cutting or eliminating programs that support their general well-being.

I was always taught that helping the poor was the Christian, compassionate thing to do.

Denny Hastert is nothing. He is less than sheep. He may be less than a rabbit of a man. But he is aided by power, and that power has mercilessly stripped the rest of us of our rights, our liberties, and our ability to travel freely at home and abroad without fear of invasive tampering with our private affairs.

Denny Hastert is for nothing unless it can be linked to the memory of Reagan; he will not violate the Reagan Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow republicans," but he has horribly violated so many of our Creator's Commandments to the Children of Israel.

The shameful, naked truth is that Denny Hastert is one of those responsible. And history does not forgive his kind.

In centuries past, he might as well have been Cromwell or Robespierre. But his punishment will be retirement with full benefits and hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in pension. At my expense and yours.

But what is the answer? I really do not know. Today is a dark day, and I feel immobile.

I feel immobile due to the Sheepization of the Nation. No one cares about these things. There are too many other compelling dramas that are right up close for each and every one of us. My gas bills are outrageous. My furnace, which I've noted elsewhere is beginning to sound like a b-52 taking off, will soon cost me thousands of dollars I just don't have.

And we are a nation of sheep.

We would rather have the answers given to us, no, read to us, or demonstrated in a video presentation, so we don't have to read anymore. We don't have time. Many of us are working two jobs. And when we're not working, we're wondering where the next dollar is coming from.

It is said that our nation's workers are at 1989 wages. Mine certainly are. I was shocked when I read that for the first time. For two seconds, I was shocked, but realized that I am just like so many millions of others. Millions of sheep. Who do not have the will any longer to complain.

Many of us will awaken in the night. After an hour or two of silence and frustration, we'll turn on the television and see some complete and total asshole who is lying about the "power of calcium" tablets that cost $2 each that will ward off cancer and any number of other deadly, wretched things. We'll maybe flip the channel until it lands on something more believable. Perhaps science fiction, or some banal new $19 kitchen thingey that strains your pasta while killing germs that cause disease.

And that will put us back to sleep and we'll forget what's really troubling us, deep down.

We are in trouble.

The future turned totally black on September 11. It was made even blacker by this crowd, and Denny Hastert is just one of the mooks they keep around to try to keep us guessing about whether or not government is the cure or the ill. They've made it a black and white world, so those are your only choices.

And we are a nation of sheep, who fall asleep again and wake upon the sunrise. Only to find that the story is the same, the dangers among us are real, but they're not foreign. Nor are they foreigners. They're American dangers. And we are sheep who flock together to move together to the next place and spend our day eating and sunning... searching for shade in our idle while.

A brief respite before we enter the twilight. And again, the night.

As Hunter S. Thompson's great friend, the pudgy, nearly incoherent Samoan attorney Dr. Gonzo (Benecio Del Toro) might say: "As your attorney, I advise you to start drinking. Heavily."

At What Cost?

If we had spent this on a cure for cancer over the past three years, how far do you think we, as a people, would be today?

What if we had used that money to fund public education and create educational institutions that are, once again, the envy of the entire world?

What if we had given it to the scientific community to develop solutions for whatever it is that seems to be causing the glaciers to slough off into the sea?

What if we had allowed scientists to adequately study stem cell therapy, instead of pretending they were killing children to obtain their research materials?

What if we had just spent it on antique cars?

What if we had used a quarter-trillion dollars to line our own pockets to ensure that you and I are always in power.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has had choices over the past three years. Going to war the way we did was not "hard work." It was the easiest thing to conclude

Wheaton College education. Master's program at NIU. Former history teacher.

Any of these credentials fit in with grand ideas like the ones above?

Would anyone like me to drive this point further?

I Am Heartbroken.

Dana Reeve has passed away.

What a horrible way to start this beautiful, sunny day.

The first thing I thought of was this statement, and the timing of her announcement.

A beautiful light has flickered out, and I may not even bother to post through moistened eyes today.

Hellooo! To My Adoring Fans...

working in the staff offices of the U.S. House of Representatives.

It's good you're dropping in. It's always good to see how mad a Pollack can really get when they're pushed over the edge.

Note the search key: 50 miles from the loop.

Duh... Try not breathing through your mouth.

Denny Hastert's America.

Is one where he will be personally responsible for transforming the 217-year-old grand tradition of the Presidency into the King of All Americas.

I just vomited up part of my lunch after reading this. This is probably the most compelling justification for removing Denny Hastert from the Speakership in January, and giving the majority back to Democrats.

Instead of fulfilling his Constitutional duties as one of the checks on power in our government, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is perfectly happy being a rich figurehead, instead.

Hello? Canada? I'd like to make reservations for 60,000,000... What? Frozen tundra? Not a problem.

Denny Hastert is Full. Of. Shit.

Like you didn't know that already, eh?

Here's what he told the press in NOLA during his Magical Mystery Tour of the storm-ravaged city last week:

...The speaker on Friday repeated his claim that his comments were misconstrued. "What I said was before you rebuild New Orleans you had better make sure that you don't put (residents) in harm's way. That's why we're here, and that's what we're doing," he said.
...

Now, I have a pretty piss-poor memory, especially when there are distractions, like there were (undoubtedly) all around Heavy D and the Boyz last week in Fat City.

But here's what the lying sonofabitch really said:

"It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed," the Illinois Republican said in an interview Wednesday with The Daily Herald of Arlington, Ill.

Hastert, in a transcript supplied by the newspaper, said there was no question that the people of New Orleans would rebuild their city, but noted that federal insurance and other federal aid was involved. "We ought to take a second look at it. But you know we build Los Angeles and San Francisco on top of earthquake fissures and they rebuild too. Stubbornness."

For the record, it was Ron Bonjean, the Mumbler's Mouthpiece, who told Newsmax (the source for the above) the following day what Hastert really meant when he implied New Orleans residents were stubborn, and that much of the place could be bulldozed.

Of course, as a Pretend Media Outlet, NewsMax was more than happy to write whatever Bonjean said.

I gotcha. He said bulldozed, when he meant "protect its citizens." So he was for bulldozing it before he was against it?

But wait... there's more from the Times-Picayune article:

...Neither of the House leaders indicated whether they will support President Bush's recent hurricane relief request for an additional $19.8 billion from Congress, which includes $4.2 billion to rebuild damaged housing in Louisiana and $1.5 billion for levee armoring and other storm protection measures. They weren't asked about the request because the group took only one question from reporters. Hastert declined more questions after being asked about his comments concerning the rebuilding of New Orleans shortly after the storm hit.

"We want to make sure that money is spent to the best advantage of the taxpayers and the people of New Orleans," Hastert said.
...

I see. So the billions wasted by FEMA so far on ice shipments to Maine and trailers sinking into the mud in Arkansas, and all the graft you slimy bastards have created with contractors is just like water under the bridge?

Denny Hastert's America.

This is an America where development holds power over the little people. Family farms are forced to sell their land because it's just no long feasible for them to work it, and deal with all of the municipal laws, once the land has been annexed to the cities.

I attended a number of auctions over the weekend (sorry about the absence, Dear Readers), and have been away from the computer until just a short time ago.

Farmers, tree nurserymen, and landowners have finally given in to the dream of Denny Hastert's friends. What a sad post I have to share with you. Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to travel around Kendall and DeKalb counties to attend auctions of land (and property) that will soon be graded and excavated into new home developments.

Some of the finest farmland and tree stock is being transformed into homesites. It's terribly sad.

I took my camera along, but had to be very careful while attending the auctions, not to give myself away. I actually ran into someone today who asked if I read this (my own) blog. So the bottom line is that there are no photos I can post in the near future; perhaps some later.

The "family farmer" Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert had in mind when he pushed for the "elimination of the death tax" is a multi-millionaire. The people I met over the weekend are actually pretty poor. Many have lands that are giving them decent return only as land investments for the rich or as developments (for the rich).

What a wonderful world.

America Is Safer For This.

More fun and games from Michael Chertoff's Laugh Festival and Clusterfuck Central.

You may not know it, but a low credit rating can also put you on the TSA Watch List. Permanently. I talk to people who travel all the time who either don't know how fucked up the system is, or they've been "watch-listed" and have been told, basically, it's none of their God-Damned business why or how their name got there, and that they shouldn't ever expect to be able to do an e-check-in at the airports. Ever again.

Beautiful.

I also think we should start rounding people up at the airports who, you know, "look funny." You know what I mean. Disappear 'em.

Remember: These things will never happen to Americans unless they're with the terrorists. Those who don't break the law have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Teachers On Leave.

I'm about a minute away from falling on my face after the day I've had. And reading this.

This is just great. I have a thing about using the word "cocksucker" twice in one day, but since it's after midnight on blog time, allow me to polish up the term for the parent. I just love this:

Sophomore Sean Allen recorded about 20 minutes of Bennish's class during a Feb. 1 discussion about Bush's State of the Union speech and gave the recording to his father, who complained to the principal, Amole said.

``After listening to the tape, it's evident the comments in the class were inappropriate. There were not adequate opportunities for opposing points of view,'' she said.

These are exactly the kind of people who rail about how it's ridiculous that teachers would have to obey such "equal time" rules in the classroom.

You know, why don't we just kill these teachers? Maybe Dick Cheney could open up a torture chamber for teachers who say bad words, or say something bad about Dear Leader? Suspending them isn't good enough, because they'll just find work again somewhere. And God knows No Child Left Behind just doesn't punish teachers and students enough.

I can only hope that the teacher, Jay Bennish, sues every one of these stupid cocksuckers and retires to a new mountain community in the very near future.

Hastert's Congress to Gulf Coast:

Your unemployed citizens just got another 13 weeks to find a God-Damned job. So get busy.

Right?

You bet. Hastert is one of those moronic, knee-jerk conservatives who sees unemployment as a black and white issue. The reason you're not finding a job is your fault. You're not looking, or you're not taking whatever's available. If Congress extends unemployment benefits beyond the legal limit of six months, they're only aiding and abetting the enemy. You know, the Welfare State.

Wow. Three more months of unemployment benefits.

Thank You, Sir!

Can we get those poor, dirty niggers and cajuns a gummint-issued refrigerator box to live in?

What good Christian Congressmen we have. Those miserable victims on the Gulf Coast receive an average of only $189/week.

Jesus Christ Almighty.

Trent Duffy: Katrina Response Gummint's Fault.

Wow. There's that word again. Trent Duffy, deputy WH press secreatary, says it was "gummint red tape," and the large bureacracy that failed, not President Bush.

Boy, am I glad we cleared that up.

Um... Trent? Since you fuckers own every branch of government, you stupid cocksucker, maybe you should just admit you fucked up. You, your brothers and sisters, your boss, his boss, your secretary...

Every one of you should be on your way to an island in the Arctic circle, wearing only your underwear.

Asshole.

Detroit a Big Loser. Again.

Consumer Reports, once again, gives more than 1/3 of the top model ratings to foreign cars.

Now, before you go kooky, keep in mind this is not the "Best Electric Car with Satellite Radio," or somesuch uselesss rating system. There is one (1) "Green Car" category. The rest are vehicle type, broken down into price ranges.

Best Pickup: Honda. Detroit: Big fucking loser.

Thank You, Sir!!

Thanks, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, for allowing the U.S. auto industry to fuck and suck themselves into oblivion, along with thousands of good-paying jobs, while you have done absolutely nothing to incent automakers to make better, more alternative fuel vehicles (that don't all resemble Hummers).

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Hastert leads his fat delegation through the streets of the Forgotten City today.

It is good to be fat, diabetic, and in a pretend position of power while in New Orleans!

Let the good times roll!

The Fearless Leader.

Sidney Blumenthal in today's Salon writes about Bush's incurious, inflexible ignorance.

How's this for a scary line of succession: Bush, Cheney, Hastert, Ted Stevens, then Condi Rice.

As Blumenthal points out, every single one has turned flattery and sycophancy into science.

Bush Knew, Vol. II.

What shall we call this presidency? Clusterfuck XLIII?

Toast?

More images here.

Now we know why he went on vacation in India. It's the adoring crowds.

Lott Comments Signal The End Is Near.

Yes, the end is near, believers.

When former cheerleader, and Resident Barber Pole Jumper Shop Quartet Leader of the Senate Trent Lott reacts like this, it's over...

Republicans are beginning to mold the ice float they're making for Bush's voyage to the South Pacific.

Big To-Do Thursday

A little bird tells me the "Progressives" are planning a bitchfest at tomorrow's Kendall County Dems meeting with the idea of simply disrupting the meeting, thus ruining the outgoing Chairman's last meeting.

Nice.

Plan to attend and prevent a scene if you can: 7 pm at the Montgomery PD HQ on US Rt 30.

Where's Denny?

This is too good to be true. This little news release from the Bonjean fake fact factory can't be real. It must be satire.

Really! Where has Hastert been?!

February 27, 2006

(Washington, D.C.) -- Speaker of the House J. Dennis Hastert (R-IL) today announced that he and Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) will lead a bipartisan delegation March 2 - 4 to Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama to look at progress in the cleanup and rebuilding efforts by all levels of government and charitable organizations. The delegation will look at the effectiveness of recovery assistance, while ensuring the most resources possible are reaching people directly.

“Hurricane Katrina affected thousands of families and businesses along the Gulf Coast, and this Congress responded, sending billions of dollars in assistance for cleanup and recovery,” Speaker Hastert said. “It is also important for us to get a first-hand look to ensure that federal dollars are being wisely spent and that help is getting to the families, small businesses and organizations that need it. I look forward to visiting with the people of the Gulf Coast who have been affected by Hurricane Katrina as well as with local, state and federal officials who are handling the rebuilding efforts.”

The delegation to the Gulf Coast will be announced this week.

How about getting a first-hand by watching the news coverage of the past, oh, six months?! Are you really this stupid?

This is a Shock!

It's an absolute shock!

We won't be reducing troops in Iraq because Operation Clusterfuck XII has been introduced?

I can't believe this.

War forever after?

I can't believe it!

Do we have a Congress?

Is there accountability?

Is Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert stuffing his face with King Cake in the Big Easy yet?

What. The. Hell. Is. This.

OK. So, reporting the finding that Condoleeza Rice is barely human would be a breaking story.

Why the hell is her fucking workout schedule so important?

Where in the world are the priorities? Have these people heard of news values?

Bush: Against Bin Laden Before They Were Partners.

Well. Partners in crime.

Another flippity, flip the flop, I guess.

The truth will set you free, Georgey.

Hastert & Wrecking Crew Head to NOLA.

Look out, big easy. Heavy D is on the way. Prepare the King Cakes, roll in the barrels of Abita, hose down the Vomitorium, and dredge Pontchartrain for the last sewage- and muck-dwelling crawfish for The Delegation!

While I think it's nice that this is finally happening, you know it's going to be marked by an orgy of gastronomy. ( Could this have been timed for Hastert to attend Mardi Gras? Oh, perish the thought! ) When you consider the large number of dignitaries chosen for the trip, it goes way beyond insult.

If these Republicans had any sense at all, if they gave a single God-Damn about what has happened and what the government needs to do for its citizens, there would be regular delegations of 2, 5, 10 House members or their senior staff members going to the Gulf Coast, reporting back to the office, posting digital images of the carnage and whatever progress or special needs they identify. You would see them every night on television talking about it. No, crowing about it.

This is just another whorefest about to unfold. The philistines are firmly in control.

Think I'm wrong?

Well, well. I noticed Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's greatest mentor, Archangel of New American Private Orphanage System Newt Gingrich is now piping up about why the government must rebuild NOLA.

So... When does the American public finally stand up and say Enough is Enough! with these cynical ploys that do nothing but destroy the public trust?

Hastert's Ethics Reform: Not So Fast, Fat Boy.

Lest we forget, have a read of Arianna's Salon column from three years ago.

Thanks to Denny Hastert and his pals in the House Republican leadership, lobbyists will now be able to pick up the tab for House members whenever the lawmakers attend charitable events, including golf outings and those all-important policy retreats held at lavish resorts. The new rules, which are hardly worthy of the term since it connotes constraint or restriction, also increase the amount lobbyists can spend to feed congressional staffers a yummy catered meal when they are working late.
...
Last year, for instance, while Hastert's staff was burning the midnight oil on a prescription drug bill, they enjoyed a dinner sent over by drug industry lobbyists whose mothers obviously taught them that the fastest way to an industry-friendly loophole or regulation is through a staffer's stomach. And if an antacid were needed to counteract the after-effects of the meal, I'm sure the drug flacks were only too happy to oblige.

Proviso Probe.

I received a note from Carl Nyberg of Proviso Probe over the weekend and just wanted to start things off by mentioning that I restored the link to his blog under the Illinois Blogs section on the right (likely one of the ones I did not get restored after 50MO suffered a blogger implosion a while back).

Carl is kicking off a fundraiser today and intends to file articles of incorporation for his blog, which I think is an excellent idea. I agree with Carl that the step he is taking is the future of blogging.

He has a very ambitious goal of establishing Proviso Probe as a media outlet for important local and regional stories that do not receive the coverage the probably deserve. I do not think any of the communities are covered (at least adequately) by a daily community newspaper, so Carl is breaking some important ground. Call it Insta-Media. I call it the future.

If you're not sure what the hell I'm talking about, Proviso Township is a strategically important area of about 36 square miles in west Cook (and part of east DuPage) County that is rich with Liberal values and tradition. The township's very name is rich with history you should explore.

And if you've got $20 lying around with no "earmarks" for it, drop it on Carl.

Candidate Laesch Finally Admits It.

So he is the dirty, lying little prick I said he was all along.

At his Daily Kos page, John Laesch admits his role in the petition challenges that got 11 qualified Democrats removed from the primary ballot, and his role in siding with a group of nutjob "Progressives" who are about to take over the regular Democratic Party in Kendall.

Well, well, well. Aside from being fellated by a commenter named (ironically) "flautist," and fellating himself and any number of out-of-district "Thank You Sir!" supporters, there's not much in Laesch's Kos Diary that leads me away from my earlier conclusion.

This kid is delusional. And he's in way over his head.

I guess I can't claim to be back to neutral, anymore.

Fristy Goes First Again...

This is no surprise by now, I suppose.

Hastert is probably still cleaning up the smoke-filled back room where he was "dealing" all weekend.

We'll probably have another red-faced statement in the morning.

Note to Ron Bonjean and "the speaker:" the chairmen of DP World and Carlyle Group called. They both want you guys to use skim milk in their coffee tomorrow morning, and not cream. Got it?

I'm Not Alone With My Suspicions.

This KR wire story highlights a number of issues surrounding Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney's shooting of a good friend political donor a hunting buddy an acquaintance while hunting in Texas two weeks ago.

Where the Hell is Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's buddy, Dan Burton, when you need a backyard ballistics test and re-enactment, anyway? Probably still shaking down foreign lobbyists for illegal contributions.

With so many issues that still remain, and are the result of Cheney's absolute incompetence at dealing with issues that deal with public inspection of his weird, secret world, shouldn't Congress have a hand at this?.

Call Denny Hastert's office (every chance you get) and demand another Spanish Inquisition a full, Congressional inquiry.

In D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia Office: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

Like Pastors at the Whorehouse.

While I've also been working on this story with a Kendall angle (and there's little info to be found, since the county treats public information like the White House once treated classified documents), I don't think there's been anything better done that what my good friend, Karie, has posted at SoapBlox/Chicago.

An excellent post.

Follow some of the links to see how well she's researched this, and tell me you're not outraged that your tax dollars are being used like a pastor who takes your money from the collection plate to visit a whorehouse. This is even worse; it's like paying the pastor and the church elders to bring whores into the church.

What's more, it's a new form of taxation that is closely related to money-laundering, graft, and various other felonies.

Ted Turner: The Big Story Today.

Ted Turner's departure from the Time Warner board of directors does not signal the end of the genius who gave us cable broadcast news.

I met Turner many years ago when CNN was relatively new, and many viewers still had their doubts about a network that started its programming at five minutes past the hour, the cost-effectiveness of having news programming going on around the clock, and a news company chairman who had a mouth as big as the South.

It was a brief introduction in the kitchen of a prominent D.C. figure's home, very informal, and Turner then had the reputation of being a very conservative voice.

He was absolutely charming. A genuine Southern gentleman with everyone in the room (apparently his lithium was working that day). I did not know until years later that he was bipolar and had all kinds of issues. What I took away from the brief moment in time was the fact that very conservative and very liberal people can be genuine with one another, can be warm, engage in conversation about things that matter.

The political climate was changing then (this was in Reagan's hey-day), and it gave me hope that the worst of the "Us vs. Them" was behind us. That was not to be.

Ted Turner's best years may lie ahead. His philanthropic, and other ventures, are a remarkable testament of this unique and true man.

Indeed, he will undoubtedly be seen as a mercurial figure until the day he leaves us.

Well, There You Go.

Secret Service says Cheney was drunk at time of shooting. Bodyguards assisted in coverup, collected evidence at hospital.

This story is not going away. And it's not the fault of the media. The Guardian has more.

Hastert's family member is arrested, but the police work is intentionally screwed up -- under someone else's direction -- so the case is thrown out and there is no DUI.

Why is it always different for everyone other than Republicans? In either case, you or I would have gone to jail.

Freedom Is On The March.

Here's a thought for Heavy D and the Boyz. How long are gonna keep fucking around with this before we have things completely broken over there, without the ability to even help?

Reminds me of a funny joke.

God takes his son out golfing on Sunday afternoon. On the first tee, God is looking out over the green, getting ready to take his shot when an eagle swoops down and grabs the ball.

The eagle soars off in flight, whereupon God darkens the skies at once, raises his arm and points at the eagle, waits a moment, then at his command sets off a charge of lightning that strikes the eagle from the sky. As this happens and feathers flutter down everywhere, the golf ball drops from high above directly into the cup.

Seeing this, Jesus simply rolls his eyes and speaks up.

"So, Dad... You gonna fuck around all day or are you gonna play some golf?"

A minister told me that joke. No kidding. Isn't that great?

Interesting Reading.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Among the 17 Lessons Learned.

Fran Townsend, whose stunning performance (isn't she just gorgeous?) in front of the camera this morning could be summed up with the missing 18th Lesson.

Before I mention that, however, I wonder if the jewels in her little jeweled flag pin are real. If anyone knows, let me know what that would cost. That's a good image to portray, btw. Put a great-looking rich woman in a highly paid, newly created executive branch government position in front of the camera with sparkly jewelry and stunning clothes. I can just smell her perfume throught the TV set, actually. I think it's Emeraude, my grammy's favorite.

It's especially good to have someone like that explaining why government has abandoned it citizens on the Gulf Coast who are living in squalor and sleeping in their cars as a result of her boss's total detachment from reality.

I was perplexed when Franny said that "one thing government does well is red tape." Even when these people are digging themselves out of a hole, the just dig deeper down. They just can't stop bashing government.

And therein lies the 18th Lesson Learned. Americans can no longer trust this crew to do anything right for a government of the people, by the people and for the people. These "Republicans" just don't believe in government and its proper role in society.

Three Ideas for the Democratic Party.

Dear Leaders... Ahem. Dear Rahm, et al.

Please take this advice. Stop fucking around in elections where we already have good candidates (see Cegelis and Scott, for one), and take a few notes. Hire Sid Blumenthal to start penning memos again. And focus on the future. Here are the three points that are key to Democratic Party success.

First, question power. That's right. You've helped the rest of us Democrats remain powerless in the last three election cycles now with your impotence. Thanks, by the way.

The power amassed by this White House is unprecedented. And what's more alarming is the fact that at every turn this administration has proved itself utterly incompetent from the top down. I believe in the business world, where the genius of Cheney-Bush was culled, this is called, um... bankrupt.

This White House has complete control over government, so the very notion that they might label Democrats as "obstructionists" is only doing you a favor. Number one, it's not true. You've been stripped of power, and thus, much of the nation is powerless. Number two, it shows you what contempt these so-called Republicans have for the Constitution. What has occurred in our federal government since 9/11/01 has not taken place to protect us; Republicans are wrapped up in a naked pursuit of permanent power. Period.

Second, question security. Sure. You're the party we're going to look to to protect us from now on. Because the Republican Party has completely fucked us in the ass. In the Bible, they called that "Sodomy." In Kendall County, the Home of Speaker of the House Denny "J. Denny" Hastert, they call that getting fucked in the ass.

The TSA has been allowing me to carry aluminum and pressurized containers on board which must look like mace (it's hair spray). This fact escaped me until I saw the re-enactment of Flight 77 on the History Channel the other night (where mace was used to disable the 1st class passengers). And now I can walk on any flight with a pair of razor-sharp scissors worn in my hair, in a pocket, or behind my ear. This is insanity.

Last, question our economy. It is most certainly the product of the incompetence that is the Gingrich-Hastert crew.

By the time Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and George W. Bush leave office (if they both leave voluntarily in 2009) we will be $13 Trillion in debt. This is insanity. The consumer-based economy, based almost entirely on the success of the retail and housing sectors, has created an untenable situation for the average American family, which is still working at 1989 wages.

None of these things are Democratic values. None of these things are good for our democracy, yet they are the most important issues we face in our future, thanks to the misguided vision of Republicans.

Three Things Kendall County Doesn't Need.

The outside money that has been gushing in at the Boy Ingemunson HQ (it's his father's law office) is obscene.

While I realize that Kendall County, with its fantastic growth, is going to bound to be teeming with political contributions from outsiders wishing to peddle their influence to the heirs of Kendall County power, there is nothing stopping it.

Boy's campaign reports they spent more than $45,000 on signage alone, which one would not reasonably expect from someone who should enjoy great name recognition. He is, after all, the youngest son of a man who is known as the Kingmaker in Kendall County, and a former 20-year State's Attorney.

But the wide-eyed (and fat-faced) Boy Wonder feigns wonder at the need for speed and cash in today's political world.

Look, kid. Here's a hint. If it weren't for guys like your dad, you would be right. There are three things we don't need any more of in Kendall County: More outside money, more corruption, and another Ingemunson.

Actually, I guess that's just one thing...

Why CNN Drives Me Crazy.

CNN is currently playing another round of personal experience with Katrina to fill in for Anderson Cooper. That would be the third time I have seen this segment in the past three days.

Let's get some current events in front of people, even if sweet little Heidi Collins has to work late one day a week.

Scratch that (the "currently" part, anyway). Now it's Larry King rerun world.

Oh, Jesus.

Let's get the re-runs of scheduled for the 2-3 hours before your programming begins anew in the a.m., and give the nightly news programs, such as Cooper's, a truly topical, nightly show.

Spread The Fear. Feel The Fear. Taste It.

Eric Zorn posted a link to this piece from the ultra-right London Daily Telegraph (formerly owned by the publishers of the Chicago Sun-Times, whose top executives were recently indicted for allegedly stealing hundreds of millions of dollars from the company over the past several years) in yesterday's "Land of Linkin'" (where I have not yet appeared, Mr. Eric).

I realize that Zorn rather comically introduced the piece with a Scooby Doo "Ruh-Roh..." But I think more should be said about it.

The problem I have with the survey, which states that "four in 10 British Muslims surveyed" want to establish some sort of Muslim law in Great Britain, is that it doesn't state info about its sampling methods. And while you will find in the article that the Telegraph contracted surveyor, ICM, queried some 500 Muslims, it doesn't say where, and it doesn't mention that there a more than one million Muslims living in London, alone.

Further, the CIA Factbook estimates that only 2.7% of Great Britain's population of 60.4 million is Muslim. Another interesting fact is that 1.3% of its population is Pakistani. So where are these 500 samples drawn from? Predominantly Pakistani neighborhoods? Where is this sample, that's representative of just three-hundredths of one percent of the 1.631 million estimated Muslims living in Great Britain?

I just don't buy it.

Look. We're dealing with a very tiny percentage of the Muslim population that's gone Bat Shit Crazy, as I've earlier pointed out.

To respond to the crazy effigy-burning, chanting, stark-raving fucking lunacy of this group of gangsters would be like responding every time Pat Robertson said something crazy. It happens every day.

And Now... To Wag The Dog.

Now it's all absolutely crystal clear. I'm now completely convinced that the current "crisis" between Congress and the White House is only part of another game that we've seen played over and over again.


Step one is to create a crisis. Let's allow a company based in a country that supports and harbors terrorists to bid on the port operations at six of our busiest ports. Aha! The scheme is hatched.

Step two is to create a sense that Republicans really know what matters to everyday, run-of-the-mill Americans, and that they are the ones to provide us with secure borders and ports.

Step three is to create a situation so outlandish that absolutely every American must believe in what its Congressional leaders are committing themselves to. Hint: It needs to be a slam-dunk, but that shouldn't be so hard. The world is only black and white, after all.

Step four is to create a bad guy; some disposable entity that already lacks the support of the nation, and needs just a bit more to push it out into the deep water for good.

Fristy says he'll "introduce legislation." Hastert now says he "favors a moratorium" (big words, little real words, typical).

It took these guys a week to even speak up, which should be a pretty good sign that they're getting their heads together with yet another plan to pull their asses from the fire.

Wowee. Golly. The President fires back that he'll "veto any legislation" that scuttles the current plan, that the company has been fully vetted. The President has not vetoed a single piece of legislation to date. He doesn't need to because they're all carefully crafted and orchestrated. Just like this one.

Here's another reason I'm convinced it's all a game. While both the President and Congress are very unpopular at this point, the GOP has everything to lose by losing the House. Who cares about Bush? If they can hold the House this fall, there's no impeachment. They're unlikely to lose the Senate. If they start shitting on Bush, it doesn't matter. They might be able to use it as a wedge issue against Democrats in the fall.

Hey, I've seen crazier Rovian scenarios play out in the past five years.

So Fristy Hastert can do whatever it wants on this one.

I'm leaving on a flight tomorrow, with a long pair of scissors and a small aluminum hairspray canister in my bag.

They're both now legal to carry onto the plane.

Who cares? This is all just a big fucking joke to these guys. It's not real at all.

So Don't fall for it.

Now That We've Heard From Fristy...

When will we hear from Hastert on the takeover of six major U.S. ports by a UAE-based company?

Fox News says that Heavy D and Boehner are hunkered down, getting ready to "apply some muscle" to the Bush administration on the subject.

Right. More like taking polls in one room, and keeping touch with Tom DeLay in another to figure out what to do.

If Hastert and Boehner are working on this, why in the Hell has Hastert been absolutely silent so far?

I realize that the Speaker doesn't represent his district "by tradition," and that he doesn't really know what happens at a major port unless some lobbyist lackey sends the word in via a Hastert staffer.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, the titular head of the United States House of Representatives, is a piss-poor excuse as a representative of anything but the special interests of his political buddies.

Hastert Statement on Impeachment.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is on the record, along with Boehner and other prominent Republicans, on the subject of impeachment.

The fact of the matter is that Hastert lied to his constituents when he told them right up until the vote that he was undecided on the matter. All the while, he was assisting Tom DeLay in rounding up and walking the real undecided members of the House through the House Cloakroom, where DeLay had set up an "evidence table."

Why Should I Believe Anything From This Man?

And why in the world would I believe this story about the U.S. being "on the verge" of energy breakthroughs?

As long as we're giving tax breaks to people who buy gigantic, wasteful vehicles, with nowhere near the reward for those who buy energy efficient models; as long as governments at every level continue to buy these same inefficient models; as long as governments at every level continue to build structures that suck energy resources out of the community and drive up the cost of government, I don't believe anything associated with Bush's energy "initiatives."

Just more smoke and mirrors.

As we've come to expect from his pattern of lies, this will continue for a period of about three months after the State of the Union Address. Hastert will likely throw in some token nonsensical bill that is either as black and white, and politically-charged, or politically-charged and

In the Grip...

In the grip of the fat hand of power and corruption.

Take your pick. It could go either way.

Look Out, It's The Morons Again.

It appears that the Moron Contingent has invaded the Chicago Tribune's DC-based newsblog.

Frank James did, I think, an excellent job explaining in his piece why the press has to fight to cover Dick "Dick" Cheney. But the comments are filled with astonishingly stupid statements and outright apologies for Cheney's actions.

Guess it's time to start checking the death statistics in the U.S. I'm wondering how many registered voters drown while holding their mouths to the sky during rainstorms.

Jesus Crimony.

WWCD?

What Would Cheney Do?

That should be the question we ask ourselves, moving forward. I believe in moving forward, but there are still things about this story that nag at me.

When the story broke the next day, for instance, Ms. Armstrong said at first she thought Cheney had suffered some sort of heart ailment when she saw the security detail moving in.

Why then, is Dick "Dick" Cheney insisting Katharine Armstrong was the best person to talk to the media... based on the fact that she witnessed the entire event. She obviously did not if she had some misconception about Cheney's condition, unless he fell to the ground after firing the shot (which he didn't mention).

She doesn't give that impression, either. She says Cheney remained "close but cool." Now, I believe that. Look at all of the sundry carnage he's created, and without a flinch!

Later, the rest of the hunting party that didn't decide to cram into the ambulance (Cheney's excuse for not going to the hospital) sat down to dinner at the Armstrong ranch. Probably had a nice quail dinner. Personally, I'd recommend a delicious Madeira marinade, (although this is a much easier recipe) then serving the game birds with a nice Semillon, a Sauvignon Blanc, perhaps. This is an excellent, reasonably priced label, btw, and I'm not paid to make the recommendation. Nosir.

Oh, maybe a Beaujolais Villages or perhaps a Merlot? Then again, you could serve a decent Pinot Noir with about anything and no one would complain! Well, let's talk recipes and wines some other time.

But who has time to make all these decisions at such a time? Armstrong said Cheney's demeanor at dinner was very worried about Harry Whittington.

I think if I had shot my "friend" in the face with any weapon which would require flight to the emergency room, I would find myself eating jerky and soft drinks from the God-Damned hospital vending machines. If able to eat at all.

So there are still questions... Such as What Would Cheney Do under the following circumstances.

Kid Cheney
You're a college student, albeit a very poor one. And no (heh!) I don't mean lacking funds (if you know what I mean). You're a major league asshole, some might say, and have a couple of DWI's under your belt. And you're a terrible student. Let's say you're an "F" average.

But there's a war on, and it threatens to draft you into the ranks of the awful little people who serve their country when called upon. You have a couple of choices, now. Think about this carefully.

You could just try harder. You know, hit the books. You could ( * gasp! * ) just enlist and buck up. Hell, if you enlist, you'll probably be able to finish in some kind of Army school and end up with an Engineering degree or something.

Or you could simply marry your sweetheart and get her knocked up right away. Hey, you might only be a few years away from your first heart attack! Go for it! Right?

WWCD?

Drive-By Cheney
You've been drinking. OK. So you had a beer with lunch (but, uh, that was five hours ago). Now it's rush hour, and you're really into a news story that's on the radio. You turn a corner, and you're blinded by the sun. When you hear a thump, its seems like you've run over something. When you pull over to check the tires, you notice a body in the street.

For whatever reason, maybe you're the Vice President of the United States, and you've had four heart attacks, and you like to take a little nip now and then (which might not be so good for the ticker). Maybe you just have an ambulance and your own private staff of EMTs. Whatever. Do you send them on their way with the body and drive off?

Maybe it's better if you just kind of play it low-key. Have your secret service detail tell the police to just go fuck themselves or something if they come to the door. You've got to have time to pull yourself together, for Christ's sake. You're very worried.

Besides, there's a wonderful dinner waiting for you at home. Wines and everything. And you've already checked in with the boss.

WWCD?

Nuclear Cheney
This one happens over a period of time. So you bet your ass you've been drinking.

The price of oil continues to climb and the limp-wristed "conservationist" types (you know what I mean) keep insisting on the nonsensical notion that we're going to run out of oil. That's a laugh, but not the point. Ha!

Your former employer is already doing great after you've left them (with a considerable financial stake in the outfit, I might add). Your current connections are about to get them off the hook -- while appearing to hold them to account -- on a laundry list of asbestos claims, and you've been able to secure billions of dollars worth of work for them. So you're keeping the momentum going, anyway. Which is good, because as an oil services company, they're going to be stuck when the old tap runs dry. All of this diversification makes it look as though you believe the aforementioned LWC's.

Ahem...

So now "you" have crafted a new energy policy after having a number of secretive meetings with secret energy industry executives. And if you want to know who they are, go fuck yourself.

Executive Privilege, you assholes.

So a couple of years after you make building new nuclear power plants in this country for the first time since Three Mile Island the centerpiece of a new energy policy, a couple of them (not really very far apart) appear to have leaked several hundred thousand gallons of water contaminated with radioactive tritium.

WWCD?

If you start thinking inward, and wonder what you might do, you flunk. Take your conscience out of this. Loser.

You'd better bet your answers would be different from Dick "Dick" Cheney's.

50-Mentum.

So much for Big Mo and Little Mo. Here's 50 MO. And it ain't "Joe-Mentum" that put the Boy Ingemunson story as the banner story in this week's Kendall County Record. It was 50-Mentum.

The data has been available for a couple weeks, but made the paper today (Monday night is the deadline -- I posted Monday afternoon).

Tony Scott has a nice, balanced piece on the fundraising with all donor information. The Oswego-Sentinel/Record stories are posted seven days after publication. You'll see it here next Friday.

If you're in Kendall County this week, pick up a copy of any of the Record Newspapers while you're here (anywhere you can buy gasoline or food, I think). Scott does an excellent job on his beat, and it's a nice little paper worth supporting.

When Owning Your Household Budget Isn't Enough.

Today's Chicago Tribune reports that Exelon Corporation is now poisoning Grundy and Will Counties with radioactive tritium leaks from its Braidwood and Dresden nuclear power plants.

Let's build more nuclear power plants!

When we talk about campaign finance reform and lobbying reform, my own opinion is that these two wholly crooked operations are inextricably woven together. And this is the kind of thing that reform must wipe away forever.

The Great Gingrich Swindle lives on in the fat, pounding hearts of thieves like Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and his ilk. Tax cuts for the wealthy are going directly into the pockets of those who have the power in government. That's the game, folks.

Talk About Loaded...

This "answer" by Cheney in today's hard-hitting (almost) real-life interview with Brit Hume, the worst television anchor in the history of the universe, is absolutely loaded. I'll just punch in my comments in italics.

CHENEY: Well, I still do. I still think that the accuracy was enormously important. Only now it's a gas, because I was secretive, as usual, and you know how much I enjoy fucking with people. I had no press person with me, I didn't have any press people with me. Only EMTs, who travel by ambulance with me wherever I go, which should be somewhat alarming to you, because it should well illustrate how much I've been lying about my overall health for years. I was there on a private weekend with friends on a private ranch. So fuck you. The trip was none of your God-Damned business. In terms of who I would contact to have somebody who would understand what we're even talking about, the first person that we talked with at one point, when Katherine first called the desk to get hold of a reporter didn't know the difference between a bullet and a shotgun -- a rifle bullet and a shotgun. It was a nameless, faceless, even imaginative kind of person that I use to illustrate my points quite often, Brit. It didn't happen. And there are a lot of basic important parts of the story that required some degree of understanding. ...for instance of what kind of baby-eating, uncaring monster I really am. And so we were confident that Katherine was the right one, especially because she was an eye-witness and she could speak authoritatively on it. And I personally knew she'd hold our story together. She probably knew better than I did what had happened since I'd only seen one piece of it. The piece shining in the glimmer of late afternoon sunlight that was coming off of my friend Harry's face.

Cheney Interview Transcript...

This just in, in segments

CHENEY: No. It was partly that. It was partly — also, it had to do with — he is the kind of individual who will make those kinds of charges and then come after you as though he's your best friend. And I expressed, in no uncertain terms, my views of the — of his conduct and walked away.

CAVUTO: Did you curse at him?

CHENEY: Probably.

(LAUGHTER)

CAVUTO: Do you have any regrets?

CHENEY: No. I said it, and I felt that...

(CROSSTALK)

CAVUTO: So let me understand, he comes up, he sees you, Mr. Vice — he's all nice, shakes your hand. And then what do you do, let into him?

Cheney goes on for a few minutes next, then says this:

And I informed him of my view of his conduct in no uncertain terms. And as I say, I felt better afterwards.

CAVUTO: All right.

Uh, oh... Wait a minute. This is the transcript of the exclusive interview he did with Fox after he told Sen. Patrick Leahy, "Go fuck yourself."

Has anybody heard? Did Cheney shoot anybody while he was at the Fox studio today?

Hastert Talking Out of Both SidesOf His Big Fat Mouth.

Speaker of the House of Representatives Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, Drinker of Oil, Whore, Sandwichandcoffeegetter of the CEOs.

Guess this is what he was talking about when he and others stood in front of a service station in DC and talked about bringing gas prices down for consumers.

This is not serving anyone but Hastert and the moneyed bastards that feed him.

Thoughts on the Katrina Report.

I'm wondering tonight whether or not the damning Katrina report to be released tomorrow by a special House committee will be readily available. It's certainly not being hyped, as it should be, on the house.gov site.

I seem to remember the shameful hyping prior to the release of the Starr Report, and Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's site's spinning eyeballs and star-bursts pointing to the links upon its surprise release to the public.

This time is different, though. This is government doing the very hardest thing it can do: evaluating itself critically. And this time, there is nothing but shame and outrage.

Will Hastert make a statement tomorrow? Doubt it. He hasn't said a God-Damned thing so far (not that it would make a headline if he did). This is a guy who's made a career of lying low, and when saying something, saying nothing at all.

A nice little dose of leadership would be nice right about now.

Liberated Quail Hunting, The Sport of Queens.

Not the kind you find trolling Broadway. The Queens of historical significance. The Queens of England, for instance, love hunting quail. The 28 gauge shotgun does not have as much kick or powder as any other hunting rifle, which makes it a popular ladies sport.

Enter Dick "Dick" Cheney.

Cheney prefers what's technically known as "liberated hunts," which is what he was doing this past weekend at the Armstrong Ranch. That's where sometimes hundreds of fowl (bred specifically for this purpose) are turned loose and slaughtered by the hunting party.

I say slaughtered, because as many of my friends who hunt have told me, because the fowl, once released in this strange territory and terrain, are often confused and disoriented in their new surroundings, thus making them easy prey.

That's why when Cheney and Scalia were hunting together a few years ago with a party, Cheney was famously credited with shooting more than 70 quail. Close to 500 were released for the hunt; more than 400 were slaughtered. What's more, as many mallard and pheasant were also released and slaughtered.

With all that game flying about, why, one could even do it drunk. Which leads me to the theory that the Vice President was drinking during the hunt, and continued to drink that night, which is why he was under wraps.

Cheney's a drunk.

We know that he has the "disease of Kings." How fitting that he enjoys the sport of Queens, as well.

"Mike" Chertoff: Meet My Expectations.

Leave government forever.

Chertoff and Cheney both are playing it low-key today, just what we've come to expect from our responsive, grown-up led government.

Yesterday, Chertoff talked about "what we need to do... moving forward" with DHS and FEMA to prevent another Katrina-like show of government complacency.

On September 2, 2005, I said all I probably need to where this incompetent bastard is concerned.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy VD, Dear Hearts.

Twenty-Eight Yards.

Not only was Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's buddy and mentor, Dick "Dick" Cheney hunting illegally when the "accident" occurred Saturday, the victim was only about 90 feet away (or less) when the Vice President of the United States of America pulled the trigger.

Jesus.

My fucking driveway is 90 feet, and I'd hate like hell to have to shoot someone out of anger at that distance. That would be like killing the mailman in my neighborhood.

Then again, Cheney uses a Girl's Gun when he hunts.

What a Complete and Total Asshole.

Major League, Minor League, Big Time, or not. Big Dick Cheney is a complete and total asshole.

Since you can't say that at the Chicago Tribune's D.C. Bureau Blog, I'll say it here (as if it needs to be said out loud anymore today).

It appears that Cheney's license and stamps are now at issue down in good old Texas.

This Is How It Works In Kendall County.

People outside this county often ask me, what it must be like here in order for a guy like Denny Hastert to rise to the position of U.S. Representative. The House Speaker thing is spelled D-E-L-A-Y.

Here's how it works here.

Someone close to the Speaker was arrested for a DUI recently. Phones rang. Police procedures were not followed. The "Strong Smell of Alcohol" is noted on the paperwork...

But there was no breathalizer. No "blow test" was done.

The case was just thrown out.

When you're connected to Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and his friends, the local authorities respect your place in society.

Others were not so lucky over the holidays.

The Rise of Boy Ingemunson.

Well, well. Dallas Ingemunson's little Boy wants to follow in his father's footsteps. And Daddy sure is piling on the cash. Not his cash, though. That's not the Republican way we've come to know and love.

It's other people's money. To the tune of more than $113,000 at year-end.

Boy's opponent for Kendall County State's Attorney in the March primary is an assistant State's Attorney in the Kendall County State's Attorney's office and has already received the endorsements of most of the county officials, notably Treasurer Jill Ferko, who beat the "establishment Republican" candidate in 2002.

If the money spent so far is any indication, though, Ingemunson's family pursuit of power means they'll stop at nothing to win.

As a Democrat, I'd like to see at least one D in Kendall County government (which would be a first in history, honestly). But as a spectator in a race where there is no Democrat with the nerve to run, I'm backing Weis.

And opposing Dallas Ingemunson, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's original benefactor.

Fire Fran Townsend.

First of all, the president's Homeland Security Advisor is terrible in front of a camera. Second of all, she's conveying the message that the post-Katrina problem was local, and those who didn't get out of the way were their worst enemy.

Don't point fingers and lay blame, she says.

Take a clue from your own "Disparage Others After They Disparage You" playbook, honey.

That's a stunning jacket, by the way, isn't it?

Scott McClellan: Voice of Experience.

From the Voice of Experience category today, Scott McClellan recaps on the way Dick "Dick" Cheney and his staff decided to handle press coverage of his accidental shooting of a hunting companion and campaign donor over the weekend:

``I think you can always look back at these issues and look at how to do a better job,'' McClellan said when asked if he was satisfied how the situation was handled.

Wow. I've got to keep that one in my back pocket for when I need a lame excuse.

Fox Will Be Fox.

I love the titles under the talking heads on Fox today:

"Cheney Not First VP to Shoot Someone"

"Gerald Ford Said To Be Dangerous On Golf Course"

"VP Aaron Burr Shot Alexander Hamilton In Duel"

OK. OK. How about some more? How about...

"Nixon Was Also Drunken Lunatic"

"Elder Bush Shot By D.C. Mistress During Eighties"

"Quayle Never Shot By Anyone"

Chicago Tribune Readers Say the Funniest Things...

The comments field on the Cheney story is simply dripping with my tears of laughter.

One genius says:

Give me a break this is so stupid. If the guy died then it would be a big deal but the guy is not that injured. Im not even Republican and think people are making a big deal out of this because they have nothing else to do but come up with ways to find wrongs. Far worst things have gone unreported through many Presidents including Clinton.
Posted by: Scott | Feb 12, 2006 10:19:56 PM

You know, Scott is absolutely right. The guy is only in the intensive care unit this morning, and expected to be released today, according to CNN.

Jesus. This is such a big deal! The guy was only in intensive care for two days.

And Scott is right. Far worse things have happened.

President John Tyler's cabinet was nearly wiped out by cannon fire during a drunken party to christen the USS Princeton, and history books don't even tell the story!

Cheney apologist sure has a funny ring to it, doesn't it?

And If You're Still Up...

Check out "CNN Presents" at 1:00 a.m. Central Time, Monday.

I'm watching 'Dead Wrong:' Inside an Intelligence Meltdown now, and it's absolutely spellbinding.

Sobering Numbers.

Ilona has a great read over at Soapblox/Chicago with some sobering statistics about U.S. casualties in Iraq.

Just as she leads with "three cheers to Esquire" magazine for the story, I say Three Cheers for Ilona.

She's just started a blog, btw. The latest on my blogroll. Check it out.

She has a snappy-looking blog template, too, albeit the wrong color.

Dick Cheney. Gun Owner. NRA Member.

Shoots his quail hunting buddy's face off.

Jesus.

More than wondering if this is "Cheney's Chappaquiddick" (as it happens, the incident was reported a day after the real-life event), I'm wondering just what the hell you say to your friend after you've "peppered him pretty good" (yuk, yuk) about the face, neck and chest with your fucking shotgun.

How about these:

"Hope your your fucking face grows back..."

"Sorry I shot your face off..."

"Hope you're back hunting quail with us really soon..."

"Thanks for your campaign contributions, sorry I almost killed you..."

Look at these guys in the picture. What the hell are they thinking? "Oooooo. It's a gun! Gosh, it's beautiful." What the hell is it with these guys?

Losing Support, Hastert the Weak Caves on Patriot Act.

Another sign of disarray among the GOP House ranks, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert waited a full day after the White House and Senate Republicans announced their agreement on changes in the Patriot Act before giving it his blessing for the House.

If anyone needs more proof of disarray and weakness among Republicans, I don't know what it form it would come in to make it any clearer.

Here's a Topic for a New Senate Hearing.

Why is Norm Coleman such a prick?

Coleman is trying to out-lawyer Michael Brown, who has already revealed that the White House knew the severity of the destruction in NOLA after Katrina and did nothing.

It's All Over, Except For The Crying.

One of Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's mentors, Dick "Dick" Cheney, really has his dick in the wringer tonight.

CNN is reporting that Scooter "Scooter" Libbey told the grand Jury that he was "authorized by his superiors" to leak classified information.


The National Journal goes a step further and puts the finger on Cheney.

How un-American is that, anyway? To have the Vice President of the United States authorizing the dissemination of classified information to the news media in order to destroy someone's credibility?

Let's hope Patrick Fitzgerald doesn't fall for the Nuremburg defense ("I was only following orders") and starts piling up the indictments.

Any chance we could see a "Vice President Denny Hastert" soon?

HaHaHahahahaha. Not a fucking chance!

CNN Finally Reporting My Sept. 1 Report.

When I reported to you, gentle readers, on September 1, 2005, that "Haley Barbour is a Lying Sack of Shit," Katrina was a fresh breeze still blowing up our skirts (not at all unlike what Haley Barbour does for a living).

CNN's Internet Reporter, Abbi Tatton, reported on the blog report today (not my blog, of course) but another blog with the NOAA storm path prediction model graphic I selected that week.

...proving once again that I am smarter than the average bear.

I Guess You Could Say That.

Incredibly, or maybe not so incredibly, this is the image I came up with moments ago while doing a Google image search for "bush speech" to go with the previous item.

Also less than incredible is the fact that the link comes from a soldier's page at Fort Bragg's site.

I never really thought about it, but I guess one of the president's speeches is kind of like having to watch a spindly dog try to fuck a monkey.

I'll never look at it any other way again.

Ruling With The Iron Grip of Fear.

One thing about this president is clear as a tinkling bell on a winter morning: George W. Bush and his incompetent tribe are such simpletons, you can always see the next move coming.

Today, we learned about a terrible plot, thwarted by a "southeast Asian nation," to use Asian shoe bombers to take over jetliners and fly them into buildings in L.A.

That's making a nation gripped with fear almost forget the false alarm in the Russell Senate Office Building last night.

Hastert Rewards DeLay With Cherry Post.

This is simply incredible. Instead of being banished after an indictment for money-laundering, among other charges, DeLay is now on the committee that will provide the oversight for the Justice Department's investigation of Jack Abramoff.

Batshit Crazy.

That's a term my father used to use for when things go really, really wrong. (That's two reallys)

I had my own encounter (the first and only, thank Gog) with radical fundamentalist Islamists when I was in college.

Not long after the hostages were taken at the US Embassy in Tehran, a group on my college campus sponsored a public meeting to discuss the situation from the perspective of followers of Ayatollah Khomeini.

What I witnessed that night was the craziest thing I've ever seen. It still stands today as my benchmark under the heading "Totally Batshit Crazy, Out of Fucking Control."


I noticed that several of the leaders of the group that sponsored the event were obvious imports. It was obvious because they made no secret of the fact that they were new to the campus, they wore jackets of other universities.

Before the meeting even started, there was bickering going on between factions of Iranian students. The opening speaker started off by issuing a tirade against the Shah. Certainly not a problem among the dozens of U.S. students attending. But the reaction to everything by the speaker met with constant heckling and shouting from a group of Iranian students who opposed the Ayatollah's return to Iran.

Before long, the long dufflebags I observed in the AV room adjacent to the stage in the auditorium where the meeting took place, were unzipped and pipes and baseball bats were being used on anyone and everyone in the room. I ran out like a chicken. No kidding. I wasn't going to get my brains beat out for being curious.


My "fight or flight" instincts prevailed. What I gained from that encounter is still a salient message today.

These guys probably didn't take dufflebags full of pipes and baseball bats to their meeting because they feared for their safety. They came loaded for bear. They felt they had been oppressed under the Shah, and in fact, they were.

But that didn't give them the right to beat the living hell out of anyone. I'm not sure, but I don't think there's anything in the Koran about justifying violent public outrage for, well, anything.

Nor does it give the people the right to make fun of or denigrate someone else's beliefs.

Here's a simple rule that's prevented me from going totally Batshit Crazy from time-to-time.
Don't get all wrapped up in your religion as if it's more important than anything else in the world. Someone else might have the same idea, but about a set of beliefs that's a little different from yours.

We have plenty of examples of this in our own culture. Let's not be stupid.


Oh, yeah. There was justice that night. The Office of Public Safety and the local police came and beat the living hell out of everyone remaining at the scene and put them all in jail for being Batshit Crazy In Public. I think that was the statute, anyway.

"Book of Daniel" Online...

This could be the start of something big.

While I was out (actually, I think right before I was away), NBC announced it was cancelling the new series "The Book of Daniel" because of low ratings and the public outcry the program stirred.

Don't believe for a minute it was ratings. "Cheers" had terrible ratings, but executives believed in the product and found ways to make it run on top for 11 seasons.

As the product of a Protestant household, and the former frequent date of a few "PK's" in my younger days, I don't think there was anything wrong at all with the program. It tells it much like it really is... in the real world.

Of course, "the church" today -- however you construe that term -- wants it all. Don't question the doctrine, the dogma, the belief in magical powers and all.

NBC has since announced that it will stream the final, unaired episodes of "The Book of Daniel" at nbc.com.

Do yourself, and the future of media, a big favor. Go over to nbc.com and view the final episodes. Then follow up with a letter to the network. Tell them you'd like them to resurrect (no pun intended) the series and offer it strictly over broadband and through iTunes.

You'll be helping to shape the media of the future. Where loudmouth assholes like Radical Fundamentalist Cleric James Dobson and his crew have no say in what you want to buy from the media.

Garrison Keillor.

Just read today's column in Salon or in print.

Keillor is undeniably one of the great voices of our time.

Not One Balanced Budget.

For those of you who have friends who like to argue with us "tax and spend Liberals," here's a factoid for you to kick around.

George W. Bush and the Gingrich-DeLay-Hastert Congress have not given you one, single balanced budget. Ever. Period.

What they have given you, however, is a national debt that will swell beyond $12 Trillion by the time Bush is gone in 2009.