Bonjean's Brilliance.

Ohhhhhhhh... Can't even think straight, this is so funny!

Read Wonkette's take on the press conference.

Half of Country to Hastert:

Fuck You, Asshole.

While half the district says the same to John Laesch, according to a small article in today's Tribune.

And you all thought I was an enigma.

I'm so fucking mainstream, I could vomit.

Sheeps.

If this asshole can raise $945,000 there, all I can say is that not only are the people around Grand Rapids a flock of sheep, they're the dumbest fucking cocksuckers on earth.

From 2004:

If we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again -- that we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States...

And then we'll fall back into the pre-9/11 mindset, if you will, that in fact these terrorist attacks are just criminal acts and that we're not really at war. I think that would be a terrible mistake for us.

Dick B. "Dick" Cheney, September 7, 2004, on the campaign trail speaking to a group of stupid fucking cocksuckers in Des Moines, IA.

Meat Head.

This is the face of a man who would stoop to accusing the boogeyman (or Bill Clinton or maybe even George Soros -- whoever's name is within reach of his overreaching imagination at the moment) of creating all the problems of the world.

This, my friends, is my Friday Night Cock Picture.

For pictured above is the Biggest Prick I've seen in a long time.

What An Asshole.

The Preznent is on live television at this moment shilling, once again, his most famous unfunded mandate, Every Public School System Left Behind.

The very thought that an avowed lifetime "C" student has crafted a plan to rate and punish the public school system designed and stewarded by Democrats for generations is laughable.

Further, that his lazyspeak (ie "we gotta..." "allahs us tuh get tuh thuh root uh thuh problum..." and so on) points to "those of us in Washintun not soffnin" on the measure as the primary responsibility of government should tell you everything you need to know about this Major League Asshole In Chief who heads a party overrun with unmitigated, cretinous misanthropes.

The primary goal of our Democracy, in case any of you have forgotten, is to ensure that every person in this country has the same opportunities as the next person. Meaning fund the public school system, you fucking asshole.

That Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert, one-half of a pensioned, retired teacher household that will retire comfortably on two teacher pensions, continues to subscribe to this nonsense is another untouched, unprobed measure of John Laesch's failed campaign.

Hint to the Lashies: you pussies can use the issue if you so choose. Oh, yes... tell us what you would do for a fucking change, too.

Laesch Scores Big On Hastert Scandal.

Well, not really.

I'm home this morning cleaning the chunky vomit stains out of my livingroom rugs after spewing my dinner during last night's Hardball appearance by the boy who would be Denny.

Besides being a terrible interview, I was not in vomitas over the sight of the pisher king. No, it was the boy trying to compete with Tweety for wordspace; it was the petulant pursed lips who thought he was there to compete with the man who is known for cutting off his guests after a word or two; it was the untrained non-answers that any decent candidate would have had dripping without tripping at this point on the campaign trail.

I'll give you my take on both sides of this issue. Number one, I'm with The Chicagoist on this one. Hastert's holding a press conference momentarily, and the netgoons are spinning that it's over for the fat man. But this is a guy who has taken the point position for the GOP Mouthpieces blaming Clinton, George Soros, and any other boogeyman in the tired, pathetic GOP trick bag. I don't see a resignation on the horizon. And I don't see anything less than a 60/40 win for Hastert on November 7.

As for Laesch, if I am wrong he will prove to be the luckiest man on earth. I will pay an investigator to search for the 666 on his scalp. This candidate has done nothing positive, has not offered a single cogent solution to anything going on anywhere under the sun.

John Laesch is a unibrowed two-faced liar who made it a practice to get riproaring drunk and beat up strippers in his salad days. And those days are over. His first order of business as a candidate was to sever the head of any decent Democrat who stood in his way, while abandoning any notion that he may need those same people somewhere down the road.

I'm reminded of a someone's passage just the other day while writing about Mark Foley's sins: "in vino veritas." In wine, there is truth.

There you go. Buy this kid a drink or two and watch the truth come out. Voters in IL CD14 don't have much of a choice right now. Thanks, kid.

Because He's Not A Pedophile.

The frantic state of the Republican party is fast becoming the culmination of their own clusterfuck of policies and lies.

Yesterday's announcement by Mark Foley's attorney that the disgraced former congressman is an alcoholic who was accosted by a member of the clergy at a young age, and is not a pedophile is not only the latest example of the shameful practices of Republicans. It's laughable.

Remember: Mark Foley didn't ask 16 year-old boys to measure their penises, and engage in "internet sex" before voting on laws on the House floor because he's a pedophile.

He's just a homosexual alcoholic and we should feel sorry for him.

Hastert: Foley Outing Suspicious.

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert tells Slanthead the timing of Mark Foley's outing as an alleged child smells like a dirty trick.

Interesting to not that Hannity now has "tiny stars" ad flashing on the bottom of his home page.

Oh, yes. And that he runs an internet dating service from his website for "like-minded conservatives."

Hmmm. Looks fishy to me.

Ooo, Baby, It's A Wild World.

While disgraced former congressman Mark Foley was hoping today that someone -- anyone -- would buy the alcoholic excuse for asking 16 year-old boys to measure their penises, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert was stepping on his.

Hastert's letter to the FBI asking for an investigation into Foley's alleged predatory practices focuses on a specific request to investigate those outside his leadership circle, in particular members of the press.

Sheesh.

Will Lashy Boy capitalize on this? Hard telling. Laesch appeared on the Big Ed Schultz Show today, but still sounded like a pisher.

Of course, Hastert's inner circle went with the FBI investigation so they could claim during the final weeks of the mid-term election that they can't comment on a matter under investigation.

So tripped up is Hastert that he has told numerous (nearly unintelligible) stories at this point.

Here's How You Do It, Stupid.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Friday Night Cock... Sucker.

Good Riddance to Mark Foley.

Who, by the way, did not know (let alone suspect) that Foley was in flames?

This, ABC now says, is only the tip of the iceberg.

God-Damned Liars and Weirdos.

Family Values? Jesus H. Christ in a Steam Room!

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's boy on teenage predator control.

Heh.

Hope Fades.

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the weasel.

A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle.
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! goes the weasel.

Up and down the City Road,
In and out of the Eagle,
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! goes the weasel.

Half a pound of tuppenney rice,
Half a pound of treacle,
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! goes the weasel.

Return of the Unremitting Asshole.

I concluded long ago that Tony Snow is an asshole, but never did I actually believe that he was as fucking bananas as the rest of the Right Wing nutzoids out there.

To have George W. Bush stand up in front of a crowd of reporters now, more than at any other time (especially with Bush's recent admission of secret CIA global torture operations, and his insistence on creation of new law to allow him to legally move forward with ambiguity), presents a simple mathematical equation:
Bush > Stupid.

The president's treatment of the press is usually capricious, and at the least, harsh and dismissive. Today, however, it is clear that George W. Bush is nothing more than an uremitting asshole; a doltish and cavalier prick; a lazyspeak ne'er do well who is so unhappy with himself that he must constantly lash out at others until his energy is gone.

He talks in circles. His lazyspeak "ta" when he means "to" is indicative of the kind phoney, rich Connecticut-prep-school-boy-turned-Texan that he is. His treatment of the press, in general, and of NBC's David Gregory in particular, is so far removed from what a President of the United States should be... words now fail me.

Here's a tip to Tony Snow: the next time you want to put the president in front of a camera, just call each member of the press in your little rolodex and simply tell them to sit the fuck down, go the Hell home and fuck off. You don't need them. And you don't need the public seeing this dry drunk pretending to be a leader any longer.

There's no room for more questions about why this dolt's public ratings are sinking like a kamikaze over an aircraft carrier.

A New Hope.

Catching up on the events of the past few weeks, I came across an interesting video at Video Dog.

As I say quite a lot, if you don't currently hold an online subscription at Salon.com, get one. It's good stuff dished up regularly throughout the day and night.

I used to say that the day Matt Lauer turned into a fucking journalist, I'd probably start watching the Today Show again.

Well, when TV hosts like Matt Lauer start asking the president hard questions, actually pressing for answers -- to the point where the petulent object of his questioning starts jabbing his fingers at him -- I may just start giving NBC's morning show some of my time from now on.

Here's To A Great Lady.

Former Texas Governor, Ann Richards, is dead at 73.

You were so great, so loved. You will be missed beyond a simple expression of words.

What a Tool.

Incredible, gentle readers. I have finally come up with the appropriate combination of Friday Cock Pictures and a news item (of sorts) in a single post.

Yes, it's true. The Kendall County Democratic "organization" that the young pisher king is so proud of is full of tools. In fact, Powertools, as it were. Kind of like this one, I think.

By the way, I have no idea if the website where I found this is for real or not. I can't imagine the amount of Astroglide you'd have to have onhand to sooth the nether-regions... Oh, well. Different strokes, I guess (it's just that some are handjobs and some are high-speed reciprocating tools).

So the other day, I opened my email to a delicious item about the last meeting of Democrats, where somewhere around an even dozen people showed up (from what I'm told). What's so delicious is that I found the sender's name on the party's website; someone who has also posted comments here on this blog.

Such intrigue!

In the message, four incredible things came up (among other things less startling):

• The current chairman has halted the party's fundraising until after the election.
• The chairman does not support voter registration before the cut-off date because it will only register "the wrong kinds of voters."
• In the course of a two-hour meeting where the emailer said nothing of note was accomplished, more than 40 minutes was spent dealing with complaints from an old man about anonymous postings on the internet. And nothing... Was. Accomplished.

Jesus Christ on the Saturday morning cartoons!

Sorry, kids. That's about all I can muster on those three gems. After all, WHAT?! is so cliché.

More good stuff:

• The Pisherometer hasn't budged in a couple of months. It's pretty sad when Dallas Ingemunson (no lightweight, he) can raise twice as much money for his kid in a few months than the Pisher King can in a whole fucking year.

• I've been so funked out lately, I didn't even notice that 50MO is about to crash through the 21,000 mark.

Thanks to you, it's working. One day at a time.

I Have Returned.

Once again, I've enjoyed the comments and a number of emails. Thanks to the many fine readers who asked "where the fuck" I was. I do appreciate the hell out of it.

Just returned from LA last night, after which I just drove around all night listening to Jerry Jeff Walker's LA Freeway. Cried my eyes dry. I've been there, off and on for the past three weeks. And I have hair on my arms. There. Now the Laeschians can go bananas again trying to figure out who the fuck I am.

Truthfully, I've made my whereabouts unkown for strictly personal reasons, as a major meltdown has occurred locally which has had me in a funk for some time. And I do have hair on my arms. There, again, is more proof that I am a man (with great tits) named Mark Blackman.

And I tried to keep up with 50MO, but blogging while trying to keep myself on the by-and-by on a fucking four-and-a-half hour flight to LA, while trying to hide from a shiftless God-Damnable psycho and stay somewhat coherent got to be a full-fucking-time job.

I'm just wondering when John Laesch is going to be honest and say who HRC really is. Laesch doesn't have tits, but he certainly is a world-class pussy, having fucked a decent man by "outing" him and then not apologizing publicly for being an oafish dolt. And a pussy who's blown a hundred grand of your money being a jackass every day since last Christmas. Maybe it started before that.

That's right. I'm John Laesch. And I do this to get attention and respect. Two things I desperately crave.

OK. Enough. I should've slept on the flight.

There is some fun in the old mailbag, gentle readers... I'll share after a little nap. Gotta skate out of here again before 5.

Thank God George W. Bush Is Our President.

Garrisson Keillor is superlative, as usual, in today's Salon. It's nice to see him take a piece out of "America's Mayor's" ass, too.

Anyobody thinking about voting for that turncoat cocksucker Rudy Guiliani should read Keillor closely from this point on. He's got Rudy's number.

And remember his signature quote from the 2004 GOP Scare-Mongering Whore Festival in NYC: "Thank God George W. Bush Is Our President."

Hastert Getting Dis'ed By Conservatives.

At the end of this whackjob Conservative Voice piece about Jan Schakowsky, there is a clear Conservative voice dissing Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert for his role in derailing the other whackjobs in Congress on illegal immigration.

Interesting.

So why is it that the Democratic candidate can't even muster more than 33% (his own poll numbers) among registered Democrats? Of course, the poll was taken back in July, before Laesch had a chance to make an even bigger jackass of himself (which, as usual, made him the laughingstock among voters of all stripes).

Something New in Republican Circles.

Gosh. Honesty.

I know Hagel's been pissed off at Bush for our country's latest Viet Nam adventure, but I didn't really pick him to be so full of candor this close to the mid-term elections, in which Republicans face an increasingly hostile electorate.

Just the same, by bet is that this "McCain II" will sooner or later backtrack and talk about Conservative values and how much the country can trust the Republicans to make the United States better and stronger than ever.