Abu Ghraib Dog Handler Wins Westminster.

Wow! Talk about dumb luck.

Isn't it interesting that the American Kennel Club has had absolutely nothing to say about the alleged use of dogs to torture prisoners? I didn't know that was what German Shepherds were supposed to do for the police...

Oh, well. Cool!

Denny has fat Yellow Labradors, by the way, in case anyone was wondering what kind of dogs a churlish, fat man would own.

Not Very Smart...

This should give Kendall County and 14th District voters a pretty good look at the inner workings of the the Great Dallas Ingemunson Machine that created Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert.

And while it's rather gauche of me to recite last week's news to you at this point, there were some pretty funny items in the mail and in the news this past week in Kendall County. (Sorry it didn't headline here earlier, but I've just been too damn busy).

I've previously mentioned the mail piece in which Boy condemns his opponent in the State's Attorney race, Kendall County State's Attorney Eric Weis, for accepting a $1,000 donation from a "landfill developer."

I won't beat that issue any further, but it's rich, since Boy's collections for this primary race have been approaching the obscene amount of nearly $200,000 from his father's cronies and a long line of deep pockets outside the county.

First, was the mailing I received from the Boy Ingemunson campaign. On the face was the "tough guy" image of Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert with the headline "You can judge a person by the company they keep."

Oh, my. I'll get back to that in a moment, because there's a better one.

This was an item in The Record, the Kendall County newspaper, that mentions "Big Jim" Thompson is out stumping for Boy:

Thompson's appearance was likely the first time a former Illinois governor appeared at a fundraising event for a candidate for county office.
...
...Ingemunson said he met Thompson "when I was a youngster" and subsequently met him at vairous political events.

"We had dinner last summer, and he was interested in helping out with my campaign," Ingemunson said. "He wanted to come out to an event here to help created some awareness for some issues, and that's basically how it came about."

I wonder if those issues included white collar crime? Thompson, you may recall, could be in big trouble for his role in the Hollinger Board scandal that already has that company's two top executives under indictment and facing long jail terms.

If I were running my son's campaign, I'm not sure I'd want to have a former governor under investigation by the SEC for overseeing an audit committee that performed such as Thompson's did with Hollinger.

As for judging people by the company they keep, putting Hastert's big face on a flyer with that slogan these days is like having it read:
"Hi. I was giving Tom DeLay a handjob in his hottub in Houston while Roy Blunt was on the phone with his girlfriend, who was arranging for tobacco money to be handed out on the House floor by John Boehner, and Dick Cheney was shooting some friend of his in the face... if you know what I mean... and the President was re-enacting his favorite blood orgey scene from Caligula out in the pool. Vote for Boy."

Hastert's Quiet, Backroom Reforms...

Are largely still quiet. And judging from the press they've received so far, they're still closed-door, backroom deals.

The comical quotes in this article are simply voluminous! This is great:

The recommendations will ``sustain the integrity of the Congress as we move forward,'' House Speaker Dennis Hastert said at a news confernece. (sic)

A little late for the "sustain" part, aren't we, Denny?

Of course, all in all, whatever the Rs unveil will be nonsensical bullshit, which has become the hallmark of Congressional oversight and reform since Gingrich-DeLay-Hastert overthrew the Democracy in 1995.

Nothing at all will come from any temporary measures, such as the temporary ban on privately funded travel Hastert and the Wrecking Crew talked about today.

Real reform is going to mean tracking every dollar and matching it with a name, banning privately funded travel and the other perks that have become well-known in D.C. circles. And kicking these motherfuckers out of the House for good.

Putting some of these in jail would go a little ways, too.

Rice Hoping to Bring Back Bolivian Coca.

What an idiot.

And So It Goes.

Denny Hastert keeps spinning the old revolving door by hiring Heidi Armstrong as his deputy press secretary.

From college to Fox to government mouthpiece.

Anybody keeping track of which shell the pea is under?

NEWS FLASH: AP

AP has apparently grown back one of its testacles, lost during the Reagan administration.

Now suing DOD for Gitmo papers.

Good job.

You're about six years behind on these fuckers, but good job.

You Are Feeling Sleepy...

What's the stuff they put in turkey? No, not the Turkey that paid off our House Speaker in illegal campaign contributions... I'm talking about the bird.

I'm pretty wiped out after a turkey feast. Now stop poking fun at Denny Hastert's illegal foreign national contributions to pay for his pulling legislation from the House floor!

I roasted a turkey with all the trimmings, made the gravy and real potatoes and asparagus and everything. A nice complementary chardonnay was right alongside.

So all I have in this post is that Karie at K3 Kindling an K3 Voices has ditched Blogger for Soapblox.

I'm not as adventurous, at least not yet. Then again, I've had my hands full with thawing ritual, the old salmonella rinsing, roasting, basting. etc.

Visit Karie at her new spiffy home at LiberIL View.

I've got to say, drunk on turkey drugs or not, that's a great name; at least 10 times better than any of the ones I tried to concoct for her. I'l updated the blogroll when I'm not dangerous.

Boy Ingemunson Campaign Gets Ugly.

It's hard to imagine the campaign of Dallas Ingemunson's Boy getting uglier than the candidate, but here we are.

I usually hold onto my junk mail and the weekly local paper for weekend reading.

BOY, did I get an eyeful.

Among the outrageous claims was a flyer from the campaign that accuses the current Assistant SA, Eric Weis (and Boy's Primary opponent) of a "conflict of interest," by taking campaign contributions from one of the developers vying for the pending Kendall County landfill project.

That's rich, coming from a guy who has raised tens of thousands of dollars from outside special interests, including his father's powerful friends.

Of course, there's no connection to either candidate's money trail...

Right.

Denny, Take A Clue From Faith Hill.

If Faith Hill says "Bullshit" in front of reporters, it must be bullshit.

Everyone knows how much you like to hide behind the image of your favorite Country & Western stars, because they're all "Red-Blooded, Flag-Waving Americans," right, Denny?

Read this and tell me the C&W is going to stay with your incompetent, government-hating "leadership" in November.

... What's that I hear?

Oh! It's the Congress turning over to Democrats, who will spare no effort to help fellow Americans.

If You Love Garbage...

And landfills, you'll love this meeting. ALL Kendall County residents should make a point to attend.

Kendall County is hold a public meeting to discuss plans for a landfill southeast of Yorkville.

Please plan to attend the following meeting, and send me info if you do:

Monday, March 20
7:00 PM-9:00 PM
Cross Evangelical Lutheran Church
Yorkville

If you are not aware, Kendall County is building homes on top of some the finest farmland in the world. Farmers are getting poor and tired. They're selling out to developers because they're just tired of being fucked over.

Please attend if you can.

Gale Norton Will Resign.

Ah, a spot of good news for a change.

I'm surprised that we didn't announce this at 8 p.m. tonight (there's still time to make that bet).

Gale Norton, one of the worst examples of public service in the history of the republic, having sold the mining rights of public lands, ushered in higher limits of noise and air pollution at our national parks... Ah.

Well, Yah...but...

Duncan Hunter and others are bloviating freely about how "Americans should own and run those ports..."

Well. Yes, that's right. But it took these morons how long to come out with that "consensus," while doing a skillful job of keeping this story at the top of the heap?

Do you really think these fine fellows were going to put themselves in a position where we could say "they were against port security before they were for it!"??

Don't buy it. The latest word is that the ports will be turned over to a "private equity firm."

Hmmmm. Does "Carlyle Group" mean anything to you?

Cool! Another Record!

The U.S. trade deficit sets another new record, thanks to the leadership of our Republican-led Unified Government Branch.*

*The Unified Government, or "UG," is the new term for all branches of government under control of the Republican party.

Thank God! George W. Bush is our President! Thank Gog! Republicans (who just understand business better than Democrats, who always resort to "Socialism" to fix complex economic "problems" like the Great Depression) are in total control of our government and its economic policy!

Thank Gog! For our MBA President! Thank Gog! We'll finally be able to focus on things that really matter!

Like young girls getting knocked up and killing their babies.

April Fool's!

I just love breathlessly anticipated press releases and new product introductions.

That's why Microsoft's Really Big Announcement is like April Fool's Day three weeks ahead of schedule.

Can you say "Color Newton?"

Since I travel with a tablet PC that offers better performance, full size screen, longer battery life (um, and a couple other things that are real, and not Microsoft's current imaginary product line), I have one thing to say about this product:

You have got to be kidding me.

Is this supposed to cut into Apple's iPod success, or something?

Dubai Deal Dead?

Jesus! Who knows?

Look, it's taken Hastert's Appropriations Committee what... 2 weeks? 3 weeks to come up with this?

Somebody had better tell somebody:

We need a new Congress if it takes them that long to figure this one out.

Shhhhhhh!!!!

My question still is this: What the fuck has Karl Rove been doing during that time the press has been falling all over themselves on this Dubai Ports story?

Ask Chickenhawk Hastert.

Where are the Chickenhawks like Hastert and Cheney when these stories are written?

Ever notice the writers never seem to find the time to ask questions about the Pat Tillman fairy tale spun by the Pentagon?

Not that I would expect a paper like the Aurora Beacon News to challenge Denny Hastert on anything except maybe an Easter Egg hunt tip, or maybe his favorite color.

Time after time... Well, OK. Between the two, they've given a half dozen in-depth interviews to Fox News and Friends, or Neil Cavuto in the past 5 years.

But no one is asking the hard questions. Where are our Chicago Tribune reporters? Hello?

Mr. Speaker: What about this fabricated Pat Tillman story? How do you think that makes the families of our soldiers feel, deep down? Who do you think is responsible? Why don't you and Nancy Pelosi appoint a Select Committee to investigate this further and make sure this never happens again?

What are the penalties for lying to the American public? Are there any at all in a case like this?

What if it were one of your boys?

What You Need Is More Tritium!

Oh, yeah. Get it in your water. Get it in your bloodstream. Get it in your reproductive organs.

It'll make you hot!

Dick Cheney and Exelon want you to have more Tritium in your diet.

It's good for you!

And of all the things that could accidentally leak out of nuclear power plants like Dresden and Braidwood (which would suck me onto the other side of the earth if they melted down) where tritium may have poisoned ground water for miles around, it's has one of the lowest risk factors!

OK. Actually, that last part is pretty much bull.

A "half-life of 12.3 years" means that if you survive the cancer it will cause IF YOU UNWITTINGLY FUCKING DRINK IT IN YOUR WELL WATER half of it will be gone from your tissue in 12.3 years. If you die, however, I'm not sure the number is the same, and there's actually a quite great risk of that.

Let's have a fucking party!

Then let's get the office of the Speaker of the House on this. This doesn't present a direct risk to his 192-acre wooded estate in rural Plano, but he should probably be tipped off.

You know, why it took a great Democrat like Ed Markey of MA. to bring this up, instead of The Fucking Speaker, or even that cocksucker (an actual cocksucker, it is rumored) Jerry Weller is just an unanswerable offense.

Hat tip to Karie.

I Am The Fox.

My sharp, and well-formed opinions have been dismissed by some of the new "Progressive" kids over at Soapblox/Chicago because of my anonymity, and that is a shame. My first direct answer to the question should have been a hint of who I am and what I represent.

I've had a hearty laugh that someone now believes I may be the former Dem Party chair in Kendall, Martin Flowers. Fact is, I don't even know the Flowers family. Never met them.

Truthfully, I've written to Flowers a few times and never heard back. I think that actually speaks to his credit.

But I know what I know. And I know who I am.

In the 1970s, a noble crusader in my home region who dubbed himself "The Fox" "gave it back" to corporate polluters of the Fox River by dumping their own toxic sludge in the corporate lobby, and plugging the factory waste pipes of the Dial Corporation's plant in Montgomery (which at the time, emptied its waste directly into the Fox River).

What's more, The Fox had a close-knit band of friends who aided and protected him. Many of them were local police officers, and many of the tactics they used should have landed someone in jail.

But The Fox served up my kind of justice.

It troubles me that many of the people who now live in the Southern Fox Valley don't know anything about that famous, secret crusader. Many who are jumping on the bandwagon of the local "Progressives" have no earthly idea who they're getting wrapped up with. It kind of all binds together nicely.

I have noted with more than one reporter who I've corresponded with over the past several months that Thomas Paine, the author of Common Sense, was probably our most famous anonymous pamphleteer. When his identity became known, his opinions mattered far less to those who loved him for his other works, The Crisis, and Rights of Man.

He was excoriated for his religious views after publishing The Age of Reason and died deeply in debt. Today, his grave is empty, and the whereabouts of his bones unknown.

But read this, and tell me it should be scorned:

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

Now, I would never claim to be the writer Thomas Paine was. But that is damned good, even today (and damned demogogic, too.)

But if his identity had been known, the work would have likely never made history.

Had Paine been known, you may have found a letter to the editor from some colonial mouth-breather that retorted something like, "...and thus blew out of the affholle of Paine, yet again."

I have also mentioned more than once that if my identity were to become known, I would not be able to live in this area any longer. And my friends and acquaintances who know Hastert and have shared secrets with me would never be the same. So let's be careful.

I also enjoy, oh... living in verticality above ground and being able to keep my job. After all, Denny Hastert is an idiot, but the people he serves are dark-hearted, malevolent, vindictive bastards.

(Hello to all of you secretive, spying little cocksuckers out there, by the way)

And here we are. All of us blogging. Some of us showing our names with pride, others "hiding behind an anonymous handle."

I am an anonymous pamphleteer. Those of us who were on top of things when "The Internets" first exploded on the scene more than a dozen years ago kind of saw this coming. Today, however, Thomas Paine might become the victim of an attack on his bandwidth, or "outed" by some of the people I've seen coming to SB/C lately.

So enjoy me. Hate me. Read me. Use your senses. Just think about it. That's why I am here.

I am Thomas Paine. I am The Fox. I am every famous Liberal who has passed, not afraid to take up that designation. I am your conscience, and the conscience of all others who came before you, bearing down on you.

I hate the term "Progressive," when it's used interchangably for "Liberal." I hate cowards who are afraid to use the word that Ronald Reagan made you so afraid of: Liberal.

Say it. And remember this about this about Liberalism:

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. For I did not die.

Raise Hell.

Please take a moment to call your Congressman and raise Holy Hell about President Bush's latest "Faith-Based Executive Order."

Better yet, since he doesn't represent his own district in the House, per se, call the Speaker of the House at one of his offices listed here and tell him that Homeland Security has no business getting involved in the Matthew Lesko Giveaway of Government Money to Faith-Based Organizations.

President Bush has cynically abused the Executive Order by allowing yet another government agency to give away your tax money to faith-based organizations, and is once again shifting more of government's Constitutional responsibilities to the churches.

Hastert's Offices
D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

Send Matthew Lesko to Congress.

You could get $65,000 to start your own business!
$100,000 to study arts management!
$250,000 to sell cosmetics!

Or if you're Judson College in Elgin, an American Baptist university, you could get $7.5 million of taxpayer money to build a new library.

Thank you, Heavy D!

Two things I'd like to make clear: Judson College has a beautiful campus, and as a young Baptist, Hell, I might have even gone there (but I wouldn't tell you all that, now would I?) and it's an excellent school. In fact, Judson is one of the finest colleges in the nation. And I certainly have no problems with federal dollars being used to start and promote green initiatives.

What I have big problems with are:
a) the fact that the federal government is giving $ million $ of dollar $ to Private Schools that are allowed to practice whatever policies they choose, and not necessarily, oh... affirmative action or anti-discriminatory ones, at that. (I have no evidence that Judson has ever done that, btw)
b) the fact that the federal government is giving $ million $ of dollar $ to Faith-Based institutions. Period.
c) the fact that neither you nor I have a say in this. Period.

Wonder what the Muslim community centers in the 14th District got last year from the federal government?

Oh, right. Never mind.