Evil. I Love It.

The Evil Reverend promises news today on the Last Boy Scout.

Oh, my. What a very big day.

I may have to take a nap before checking back in with the Rev.

Hastert Under FBI Eyes.

ABC News led tonight with a blockbuster: Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert Is Under Investigation By The FBI In The Ongoing Abramoff Probe.

I can't believe they got enough info out to get it out this week.

Hooray for the good guys: a free press.

Oh, Goody! A Showdown!

We're just teeming with Cowgirl and Cowboy pride here today, anxiously awaiting the first Constitutional Showdown of the Final Bush-Fristy-Hastert Administration.

I love watching Republicans eat each other!

I'm just as interested as the bald-headed serpent is about Jefferson's explanation of what $90,000 in cash was doing in his freezer.

That must make it especially hard for Hastert to step in, but Denny's absolutely right on on this one. Plus, he's likely a little worried about what it would do to morale -- not to mention some of his own kind -- if he were to stand idle on yet another critically important issue.

Welcome BuzzFlash Readers.

I've noticed a large spike in readership with a number of Buzzers and Flashers joining my little house party.

Thanks for stopping in. Please bookmark me and come on back. It gets funner in the next week or two.

Stooge On Stage.

Today's Highlights Quiz: Can you spot the stooge in this picture?

Here's a tip: It's a trick question.

Answers to the Quiz: If you guessed the large person on the left with the big red face, you're right!

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is the Speaker of All Stooges for warmly welcoming President Bush after the latter fired his good friend, Porter Goss (a former member of the FL congressional delegation, from a safe district), after Goss did the preznit's dirty work.

That Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert would warmly welcome this man to Chicago (in front of a trade group whose members employ an estimated 600-700,000 illegal immigrants) was simply remarkable.

But if you guessed the smirking figure of emptiness on the right, you're also correct!

That this fellow would dare to think for a moment that his campaign speech for war would be warmly welcomed in Chicago shows what kind of an empty-headed idiot he is, as well!

Thanks for playing the Highlights Quiz today!

Hastert Spinners Busy.

My Goodness. And when you're as Good as Me, it should be capitalized.

What busy little beavers we have at the Speaker's multi-million-dollar communications war-room.

Three big press releases this week, and the Speaker has shown his privates.

My Goodness.

Ever Wonder...

How many times Republicans have really lied? Get a pretty good idea here.

Credit Where Credit Is Due.

Buzzflash contacted me today to take exception to my earlier comment:

Thankfully, Buzzflash is finally taking on this buffoon for what he is; a clueless, oafish dolt.

Actually, it was probably the "'Bout Time" heading that pissed them off, and rightfully so.

Sorry, Buzzflash dudes. And I can't believe I didn't have you linked in the blogroll until today!

Christ, I'm sorry again. Buzzflash has, indeed, brought quite a number of Hastertisms to light.

What I should have said is that they're about the only ones.

UPI Story On Hastert: Wrong!

Totally fucking wrong. Saying Hastert is about to become the longest-serving Speaker in history is like saying that Joe Martin was a great Speaker.

Who? You ask?? Exactly.

The longest-serving Speaker in the history of the Republic was the great Samuel Rayburn, who led the House of Representatives through nearly all of the 1940s and 1950s, and served a total of more than 17 years. Rayburn also holds the distinction of being elected by his peers more than any other Speaker - 10 times. He died not long after his last election.

Joe Cannon, cited in the errant UPI piece, was the longest-serving Republican House Speaker prior to Hastert's tenure.

In all, 4 Democrats can claim 8 or more years as Speaker. Ahem.

In the 20th century alone.

Champ Clark served as Speaker from 1911-1919, and (undid much of Joe Cannon's misdeeds and power grab for the Speakership).

Rayburn served as Speaker from '40-'47, '49-'53, and from '55 until his death in 1961.

John McCormack served from '61-'71, and The Speaker, Thomas P. "Tip" O'Neill, served from '77-'87.

Democrats led the house and held the Speakership for 62 years of the 19th century, and for an astounding 70 years of the 20th century.

It's also important to note that old Smokin' Joe Cannon was first turned on to politics as a young man by another Illinois Republican politician - Abraham Lincoln. Putting the pieces together on this yet?

In our third century as a nation, only two Republicans have led the House for 8 years. Joe Cannon and Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert. Two forgettable names in history.

There's your story. Ouch. And your history lesson, UPI.

Stupid fuckers.

'Bout Time.

Buzzflash riffs on Hastert's idiotic comments about how people like you and I "don't pay any taxes." Good analysis.

Thankfully, Buzzflash is finally taking on this buffoon for what he is; a clueless, oafish dolt.

HEY, DENNY...

If you've ever had insomnia, or long-term bouts with it, you know the middle-of-the-night drill: search for a channel that's not showing the latest "Girls Gone Wild" video peeks.

Now comes the "Boys Gone Wild" videos, to be fair to the ladies.

So this, dear friends, is what I call the equivalent of the answer to a line that might go something like this:

"HEY, DENNY... SHOW US YOUR BALLS!"

For a change, I'll actually compliment the fat man for having his minions pen the letter.

But know there's plenty of nervousness behind it. Allowing the FBI to do this without any type of collegial approach is like asking to have all the offices tapped and telling the members they have nothing to fear if they "haven't done anything wrong..."

Baseball and Sex.

Know that old maxim about men and how they should think about baseball when having sex. You know, to sort of "extend the pleasure?"

Guess it goes without saying that if you don't have anything better to talk about, start with baseball and ease into... something else.

Sorry for the ugly image with that last line.

Against Better Judgment.

A couple weeks ago, when I posted pictures of those hot chicks with my regular feature, friday afternoon cock pictures, it was against my own better judgment.

Some things should be sacred. Then again, who doesn't want to see some of this on a Friday night?

Let's just call this one "Hot pussy picture number one."

Friday Evening.

And time for at least one big fat cock picture.

Running Scared?

What the Hell has gotten into the Christian faith? Is everyone afraid of the message that The DaVinci Code delivers?

Whatever you think of what's going on with the opening of this very interesting piece of fiction at the theaters, there seems to be an undercurrent of fear among church officials, unlike anything I've ever seen.

USA Today.

And Gannett's attorneys should tell Bell South to go fuck themselves.

Oh, here... let me.

John Roberts: Smooth.

Not the Supreme Justice (yeah, whatever). The Reporter/Anchor for CNN.

Boy, that looks and sounds good, doesn't it? Good for CNN to get him.

If you're not watching Larry King now, tune in later to catch the way Roberts handles the all-Republican lineup tonight. Very smooth.

Call the Cleaners.

Anyone else notice that often, Gen. Hayden's uniform appears to be black?

Anyone else notice that might actually be an appropriate color of uniform for this guy?

Somebody might want to lighten the blue a bit in those AF unis.

What's Wrong With America.

What's wrong with America is not that gay people want to get married, and you know, force all of us to become gay.

What's wrong with America is not that the government meddles too much with business, because Jesus knows businesses need to have all the leverage in the world in order to make money. And what's good for Business is By-God good for you. And God-Damn It, God will strike down the anti-capitalist.

What's wrong with America is not that we need to limit the rights of individuals to seek reparations through the courts when they've been wronged by medical malpractice or insurance fraud.

What's wrong with America is not that we have all those "worthless IOUs" sitting in a mythical file cabinet called Social Security.

What's wrong with America is not that we have to allow members of congress to fraternize with and accept loads of gifts and bribes from lobbyists (whose ranks include thousands of collegial family members, personal friends and former congressional colleagues).

What's wrong with America is that Fristy Hastert keeps freezing the wheels of government with utter bullshit like this, so nothing responsible is getting done in the halls of government.

Gonzales Criminal?

Dunno. It's just not clear, he says himself. What a bright, shiny example Rep. Senselessbrenner would make of "our nation's chief law enforcement officer."

One thing is clear. If we're going to felonize undocumented foreign workers who remain in the country, we should make that law retroactive, then immediately deport the descendants of those who entered this country illegally in the first place.

Uh, just from Mexico, though. They're the worst.

And, of course, we would exempt those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

"Mr. President, Tear Down This Wall..."

Can't you just hear that? If built, I'm sure we'll hear it from a Mexican president one day, about the 370 miles of triple-layer walls the Senate wants built along the U.S.-Mexican border.

Hint: This would make a great question for Hastert, press people. "What do you think of the Senate plan to build the wall along the border, Mr. Speaker?"

Another Question: "Where do you stand on your friend, Rep. Sensenbrenner's ever-stiffening position to exclude any form of 'amnesty' for undocumented workers, and to felonize those who are currently here without the proper papers?"

Although I'd like to propose a St. Louis Wall (or better yet, an Indiana wall) the illustration is for those of you who dabble in geography. 370 miles is a long fucking way, and it's going to be backed up with 500 miles of auto barriers.

That's 870 miles of fear factor. The route on this map, Chicago to St. Louis is just under 300 miles, for comparison.

I'm so glad the grown-ups are in charge again.

Dirty, God-Damned Mexicans.

Go ahead. Say it. Get used to it.

The Senate approved today a fence for a portion of the border with Mexico because we're worried that:

• People will come to the U.S. to work, without paying taxes, often for less than minimum wage, without proper documentation.
• People will "take away" jobs from Americans who might better take those great jobs (see above).
• Terrorists are brown people, and so are Mexicans, and they all look alike to fat old white guys.

I just read today that the U.S. Navy sunk a mothballed aircraft carrier to make a coral reef in the Gulf of Mexico.

Now, that's fucking genius.

So why don't we just line up a bunch of fucking old aircraft carriers and put them end-to-end on the border? We could just make the border a big fucking junk pile like Fred Sanford's front yard or something.

Sorry. Wrong ethnic slur.

Like on Chico and the Man.

What the Hell are we going to do, though, when the Canadians get brown people who can slip across their border?

Dirty, God-Damned Brown People.

Let Them Eat Each Other.

There's trouble in Paradise, if you believe anything this liar, Lying Bob Novak, conjures up.

Very funny read. Especially when we're led to believe Hastert actually showed some balls and stood up to Cheney.

Of course, all of this was nicely handled in a special calm-down session at the White House, with the President of the United States presiding over the Speaker he had "summoned."

Let's be clear about something: the only reason any of this would have happened is because Goss was in a Republican-crafted "safe district."

Remember, this is a no-holds-barred, don't-give-an-inch crowd in power.

Silence Is Telling.

Ever notice how the silence of some "folks" is telling? Especially when you could easily compare it to the kind of complacency and "I-was-just-following-orders" kind of shit the Nazis used as a defense at Nuremburg.

Why, for instance, hasn't the House launched an investigation into this kind of twisting of the law?

Salon today pointed to a ThinkProgress piece which explained that Bush empowered John Negroponte, the Spy Chief in Chief in Charge of Torture Squads and Diplomacy, with the ability to allow the telecoms to lie without lying. Sort of.

See? Without such circumspection and deliberation, it just makes it all the more likely that such abuses will occur again and again. Completely unchecked.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was under the mistaken impression again that we're living in a Democracy.

I need a drink.

Taking A Big Dump

Today's roulette table stock market sell-off is an indication that even the market is beginning to wake up.

Remember that rate increase passed last week by the Fed? Yep. That one... the sixteenth in a row.

Think we're going to have a problem with inflation? Oh, hell... oops.

Inflation caught everyone by surprise today! Oh, no!

Everyone but those of us who buy bread and eggs and butter and milk and gasoline (none of which are included in the CPI calculation, if you didn't know that) seems to have missed the inflation thing.

Meanwhile, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and his wrecking crew have just had their centerpiece tax underhaul cockily signed by the president today. That big, big tax cut you were expecting (it's tax relief "for all Americans," right)? $30 per household, on average, for 99.8 percent of America.

2/10 of one percent of the country, however, will rake in about $42,000 in tax cuts.

Hooray and a big Hi Ho-Fuck You for the rest of you who are now 50 Miles Out of the Loop.

Worth The Price of Admission.

Get a Salon subscription today for great writing like this:

With just six months until the 2006 midterms, a grown man who can cry may be just what the president needs.

Baby, if that's not worth the price of admission to Salon's content, I don't know what is.

Denny Hastert's Thin Veil of Demagoguery.

Thinner than paper. This "Speaker" is nothing without the demagoguery.

Just look at this "statement" on the tax bill sent to Bush for signing, which gives away another $70 billion of income that your kids and grandkids might have better used to, I dunno, live their middle-class lives.

Great Description of Hastert!

By a noted, well-read, heavily-published Conservative, Kevin Phillips.

Under the Constitution, the resignation of Bush and Cheney would hand the presidency to the Speaker of the House of Representatives, at present Dennis Hastert, a former high school wrestling coach, well liked but manifestly less than qualified for promotion.

Heh! The problem with being well liked, I suppose, is that it doesn't cover up your utter stupidity.

Despicable At Any Speed.

Tony Snow's play of the "Cancer Card" today has provided him with the break he needed.

At the end of his first press conference, where he did nothing more than lay down the ground rules without sharing any useful information, Snow was asked about surviving his battle with cancer.

So now, CNN and Fox can legitimately replay this bullshit every 10 minutes (as they've done all afternoon).

Life Is Good.

Especially when you...
• Have a pension that's equal to or greater than your current annual salary, and the hardest thing you ever had to do for it was weekend travel.
• You were able to duck the military at a time when many of your contemporaries were getting killed in uniform.
• Your two sons will never serve in the military.
• You've secured cherry jobs for same in the Money Capital you've created, so they'll never have to work hard in life. Just like you.
• You don't really have any decisions to make, because you're in a great job where you can just do what you're told by others.
• Those same cronies will protect your ass if you're found out.
• Can respond like this after a presidential edict, and not face any scrutiny or questions yourself.

Sanity on Vacation.

Of undertermined length.

Seeing Tony Snow conducting a White House press conference is like watching a sick cartoon of life.

If there was anyone remaining -- within the 29% of those who still approve of this president -- who believed any of the nonsense that the administration put out day after day, they must have all gone away quietly by now.

Notice the coffee cup on the lectern... Not smart for a guy who's missing a colon.

Fristy. Smacked Down By Dems.

Way to go, Blue.

Fristy's "Health Care Week" is shot to ribbons. Heh.

This from Harry Reid after all three miserable pieces of legislation failed in cloture votes:

"To think with American consumers paying over 3 dollars for gas, with college tuition moving beyond the reach of many in the middle-class, with the Iraq war dead approaching 2,500, with immigration a security crisis unresolved, with our country’s deficit standing at 9 trillion dollars, with 46 million Americans lacking health care coverage, we are moving to bills that are unnecessary and go nowhere," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) .
"These two bills are put here as a result of the insurance industry and don't represent a serious attempt to improve health care or the civil justice system in our country."

Only A Blowjob...

The inimitable Doug Thompson sets the record straight on what the country really needs right now.

Good piece.

Macs and Voice Over Internet.

Just read something online today about the encryption applied to iChat sessions between Mac users. Fascinating stuff I've never really used, even tho it's always on my computer.

This, coupled with the fact that President Robespierre is paranoid about anyone talking about him, have me convinced that it's time to pull the phone out of the wall and go to voice over IP technology and/or do iChats from now on.

There is no way the president can justify what's going on with the procurement of all of our phone records.

No fucking way.

Being Well-Read.

I take (at least some) pride in being well-read. Which is why I'm posting this important spread of George Michael, asleep at the wheel, from the News of the World website.

Looks really attractive, don't you think?

See. You've got to keep up with what's going on in the world...

Masterful.

Life's a bitch when you lie in bed, not feeling well, and tend to sleep through the really good stuff.

Thankfully, there's Crooks & Liars, where I just caught up with President Al Gore's address to the nation Saturday night.

Time For An Investigation.

It's time, once and for all, for a large-scale Congressional investigation of the Bush administration's abuses of power.

The straw that finally crushed the camel, whose back was broken when the White House began outing CIA operatives as part of their plan to push people around, is the mining of trillions of phone calls to "recognize calling patterns."

This is absolute nonsense. In conversations with my techie friends over the past weekend, every single one said this would be absolutely impossible. There is no way you can identify anyone or what they're up to by a pattern of phone activity. Unless you're after something else.

Like spying on reporters.

Now comes the story from ABC reporters Brian Ross and Richard Esposito that high-level government officials have told them to get new cell phones - and quick.

How long before we start torturing or prosecuting reporters for reporting the truth about this administration?

Where does this end, Denny? How about some oversight, once and for fucking all.

Now You Know Where The Smirk Came From...

Send this sonofabitch to jail. ThinkProgress has a great snippet of Rove's latest "fuck you" to a straightforward question about his involvement in outing a CIA operative for political gain.

Cocksucker.

Note to local media who stop by here fairly often: Why don't you ask Mr. Speaker what he thinks about all of this next time he's in town? Beats asking him the same questions about how he likes living in the woods, and what his favorite color is...

Just sayin'...

Rove this Rover Like He's Never Been Roved...

Truthout has the inside scoop on the indictment of Karl Rove, likely coming today.

Gosh... Anybody wonder why the WH spent last Friday hastily arranging tonight's speech on National Guard deployment to "secure our border" with Mexico?

What the hell are these crazy fuckers going to do when Cheney gets sent up the river? Bomb Canada?

Dennis Prager.

Cock-Sucking Lackey Extraordinaire.

Dennis Prager says "Thank God" NSA has collected information on trillions of phone records.

Watch the replay of tonight's Larry King (Gog help us), hosted tonight by John Roberts.

Hooray for the ACLU.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I'm Baaaaack!

Well, sort of.

I will avoid at any cost giving the details, which might give me up. Let's just say it was something beyond my control, and had I blogged the last several days, I would have been noticed. Nuff said.

I'm able to blog again, but only at about 50%. More later.

Thanks to the many who sent me emails of concern. I just wasn't able to respond until now.

Thans so much.

Twenty Nine Percent.

Bitchin'.

Yeah, baby. President 29 Percent.

Also note that Hastert's Wrecking Crew is at an all-time low 18%. Heh.

Take a look at the table, as well. Note that about the time W. was proclaiming his impending expenditure of "political capital" his big fucking "mandate" was right at 50%. Cocksucker.

The really great thing about a Democracy is that we get to participate, and that regular people get to say, "Oh, yeah, Asshole?" Which is pretty much why this petulent little prick is at 29%.

Heh again.

Hey, Ron Bonjean.

Can't you buy a new fucking verb with your salary?

US News Wire: Speaker Hastert Hails New Job Growth; More than 138,000 Jobs Created in April

Oh, by the way... Why are we "hailing" disappointing numbers like these? Analysts expected 200,000.

Hooray for Steve Johnson...

of the Chicago Tribune, who writes:

Like all of the postings on Hastert's "blog" (speaker.house.gov/journal/index.shtml), which he began in October, the new post was a fairly generic recap of what's been going on in the House, viewed through GOP-colored glasses. "We had another busy week here in the House of Representatives," it says.

It's written with all the warmth and personal appeal of a mass Christmas letter ...

I can't believe our taxes actually pay for emails being sent out to the media announcing "The Speaker has a new posting on his blog!"

What the Queen of Fuck is this world coming to?

Hastert, Sensenbrenner: We're Better Than Egypt.

Oh, Great!

I'll sleep well tonight knowing that the one thing in Egypt for illegal aliens that would be worse than the Hastert/Sensenbrenner "Illegal Felon Alien Act" might possibly be along the lines of fist fucking prisoners.

Who makes this shit up for the AP, anyway?

Friday Night Cock Photo & Some Hot Chicks.

Oh, baby I love this feature.
This next one gets me hot...

Get a load of these chicks soaking up the heat!

Simply Out of Control.

To everyone who woke up to the news that the vice president is baiting the Russians again, whose leaders and former leaders are sending back the message that they won't be pushed around.

No, no... You didn't wake up in the 50s... although your Republican leadership has been trying desperately to turn back the clock since 1994.

It's just Cheney again.

Seems like when this asshole isn't shooting the face off of his "friend," he's shooting his fucking crazy big mouth off again.

And no one believed me when I said he's an overweight drunk with a bad heart...

Hastert Loses 1/3 of Republican Support.

Incredible. 31% of those Reaganauts who would not have their resolve shaken (heh) are now wanting Hastert and his wrecking crew out of power.

Oh, yeah. You can now call him President-Forty-Five-Percent-of-Conservatives-Disapprove.

Double heh.

Looks like I might be posting cock pictures early today...

You Go, Bridget!

One of my very favorites, Bridget Dooley, has got her new blog thang goin'.

Visit her at Bridget in the Sixth.

Obviously, BD's a baseball fan, no?

What We Call "All Mobbed Up."

The House "Lobbying Reform" bill that passed, thanks to 8 weakling Democrats who were too chicken to stand up for what's right, really shows how badly Republicans have destroyed the Republic.

It used to be that you could actually vote your conscience in the House, and stand by it; you could actually fight and win by voting your conscience and doing the right thing.

Today, because of 8 chickens who are afraid of losing their jobs in November, House Republicans can now attempt to campaign on "lobbying reform" which really changes nothing.

In some circles, we might say that these guys are so wedded to the God-Damned corruption that they don't dare turn their backs on their connections. That's what you call "all mobbed up."

It's hard to see who the chickens really are.

Hastert to NOLA, Troops:

Fuck you! And, oh yeah. Fuck you, too!

In a fit of fiscal restraint that seems to have come from nowhere, Hastert says the Senate version of the emergency suppplemental bill for New Orleans and our troops in Iraq is DOA.

heh.

Sunday.

Sunday will be an important mile marker for me, for you, for the election.

On Sunday, the election will be officially six months away.

Do you know where your candidates are?

I'll have something special for you all on the 7th to make your day.

The Crooked Line Leads To Denny.

At once, anyone looking at a map of the proposed Hastert Highway can see what a crooked dog-leg trail it makes through Kendall County. Odd, isn't it?

I've noted before the connection Hastert and his cronies have to John Menard, and what a big coincidence it seemed that the final plan for the HH would run past Menard's warehouse outside Plano.

Thanks to Yinn's post, I've had a number of good leads confirmed by this writer at citybarbs.

This is absolutely essential reading.

Two thoughts to follow up, though. 1: If I were Mr. Dan Kenney of DeKalb, I would get a dog and a gun and watch myself. 2: I would get one motherfucker of an attorney to walk that information to the press and to Governor Rod Blagojevich, who it is rumored, is looking for a reason to spend Hastert's $207 Million on other projects.

Fristy Gets Smacked Down by Katie.

I'm no Katie Couric fan, for sure. I'm probably never watching CBS again after they hired her to read the evening news.

I am, however, a fan of anyone who smacks down Fristy, as she did this morning.

Couldn't resist sharing after seeing this on Crooks & Liars tonight.

Dems Run The Table on Bolton.

Democrats on the House Government Reform Committee, which hosted U.S. Asshole to the U.N. John Bolton today (RealPlayer clip), ran the table today, pressing Bolton on Sanctions against Iran.

Bolton, incredibly, held it together... well, reasonably well. He's still an unrelenting asshole, though.

Dobbs: Congress "Powerless."

Lou Dobbs opens with the fact that the Republican party has no fucking idea what to do with the current energy crisis.

Add to it a great shot of Hastert waddling slowly to a microphone.

heh. The Republican party has lost Lou Dobbs.

Watch the replay later tonight if you're still at work.

Never Say Never.

I am not ready -- nor will I be before election day -- to call the House for Democrats. It is heartening that Americans are beginning to finally favor Democrats over Republicans by nearly 2-1 to govern; seen as trustworthy to deal with gas prices, the economy, etc.

I just am not convinced Democrats won't find a way to fuck this up before it's over. I've seen it before.

If the local "committee" is any indication, we're in trouble. These stupid fuckers won't even have a meeting, it appears, because they haven't figured out where to meet yet.

They also appear to be equally adept at attracting new people to their "forums" (more like a message system that saves them from using the phone...)

It could be a long six months.

Wonkette's Take.

Haven't seen much of Wonkette lately, so missed this post Friday on Hastert's dash back to his Suburban last week after riding in the Hydrogen Fuel Minivan of the Future.

She calls it: Pussy Cars, in Hastert's view.

Didn't See This One Coming?

In the Right's relentless attack on a free press -- the last place the common man can go for fairness and the truth -- this will one day define the term, "Cheneyesque."

This clearly shows that these people have no respect for our system of checks and balances, or the concept of a free and independent media that would attempt to keep our government accountable to the people.

When Axioms Go Bad.

Remember the one, "You Always Get About What You Pay For"?

It really doesn't work in this case, because this is what you get from a multi-million-dollar staff of the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives.

Propaganda.

"Best in 2.5 years" really doesn't do it for me. How about you?

At this point, you could say "Best in 5 years!!!!!" which is pretty much what every economic report says now in its opener. It means nothing.

Oh, yeah. Remember: It's Your Money.

Colbert Bitch-Slapped The Room.

No one could have done a better job smacking the President and the entire Washington D.C. Press Corps at the same time.

To watch the replay of Colbert's opening, and the cooool reaction he received from both the Bushes and the press corps, click here.

Mastery.

So Now It's A Crisis.

Secretary Bodman gave the country a refreshing bit of candor yesterday. Perhaps the first from this administration in its long, sloggish history.

It's an Energy Crisis.

Thanks.

I was beginning to think I made up the post I wrote a couple of weeks ago about what a complete loony-toons version of the energy price forecast Bodman's hacks had written.

If you need any more evidence of what a completely incompetent bunch of boobs the George W. Bush administration has lined up to run your government with your money, drop me a line.

And if you need any more evidence of what a vacuous place Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and Fristy have made of Congress, having completely abdicated their Constitutional duties, let me know on that one, too.

50MO. The Authority.

heh.

pfff.

With the sudden demise of Illinois Pundit earlier in the year, 50 Miles Out has become the authority on the search key, "Hastert."

I say again. heh.

I Am No Longer Alone.

I feel so fresh today.

Maybe it's because I've been joined by KC Quibbler, by Dos Chicas, and The Evil Reverend, two new blogs in the Kendall County Democratic political spectrum.

I knew I wouldn't be alone for long once I got the old blood flowing.

Welcome!

Friday Night Cock Pictures.

Were a little late. Sorry about that.

Look at this big juicy one.

Wet. Wet everywhere!

Great, Great Catch.

Great photo of Hastert ducking the press yesterday after a photo op in the Great Hydrogen Car Chase in D.C.

Readership seems to have dropped some at SB/C lately... must've all come over here. Welcome.

No cock pictures yet, btw.

"Look It, There's No Magic Wand..."

That's a direct quote from "J. Dennis" Hastert. Honest to Gog.

Ah, yes. The magic wand.

Oh, magical, Magic Wand! Make us see stars!

Remember a few years back when the Republicans accused Al Gore of using "coded language" in his speeches that was directed to his "special interest" backers?

Well, here's the skinny on the Mystical Magic Wand that Hastert and other Republicans speak of.

Oh, wait... Who else, you say? Well, there's Poppy, who told "folks" in a town hall meeting during his last campaign that he wished he "had a magic wand," but didn't, so that meant healthcare costs would continue to rise. And except for some token "tax credits" (which, of course, I look forward to every tax season... but don't see anywhere in sight) there was nothing his Republican administration could do to help Americans suffering from the high cost of healthcare and the nightmarish mountain of confusing paperwork and runarounds it created under the Reagan-Bush legacy.

And there's Junior, who often speaks of a "magic wand" when it comes to things he can't quite fix...

• Like Iraq
• Like Iran
• Like North Korea
• Like the trade deficit with China
• Like skyrocketing gas prices
• Like his fucked up Medicare nightmare
• Like healthcare, in general (just like daddy)
• Like the loss of manufacturing jobs
• Like the stagnant stock market

Did I leave anything out?

Fristy recently used it, too, so it's probably coming from Hilary Swank, er Ken Mehlman, now in some pathetic faxed reel of shit that the RNC pumps out to its brownshirts every morning.

Honestly, now, here's the payoff. You know what this "magic wand" business is all about?

It's nothing more than coded Republican-speak that has a variety of meanings, principally, Fuck You.

It also doubles as the following:
• Go Away...
• I stopped listening to your question, so I'm pulling out the old magic wand...
• Do you think anybody important like me gives a shit about you?
• Is there somebody here with a bald head I can touch?
• What, I'm not your favorite guy?
• Maybe you didn't hear me the first time I said Fuck You.

Special thanks to Karie at LiberIL for the story.

Spelling Telling...

Anyone ever think about all the ways you can spell the name Jon?

There's:
John
Johnnie
Johnny
Jon
Jonnie
Jonny

Oh, yes. There are also variants of Jonathon that one could use. Lookie:

Jonathan
Jonathon
Johnathan
Johnathon

Have I left any out? Anybody's welcome to, you know, search for the variants on the name and either email or pitch in in the comments.

TTFN!

Cheap Trick.

File the $100 Gas Rebate under the Senate file, "I Want You to Want Me."

What a cheap trick Republicans must think we are, playing such a cheap trick on us.

Oh, we must all be stupid, because we didn't know you were going to attach this to... ANWR oil production.

Truthout: Rove is a Target.

No, not a department store. Enough with the fat jokes, already!

Jason Leopold of Truthout reports that Karl Rove is, indeed, a target of Fitzgerald's investigation.

The Passion of the Bush.

Blumenthal in today's Salon.com:

...If the Democrats gain control of the House or Senate they will launch a thousand subpoenas to establish the oversight that has been abdicated by the Republican Congress.

It just doesn't get any better than that.

Ah, truth.

Dos Chicas.

Looks like I have sisters in the neighborhood!

The KC Quibbler has made its debut. Seems they also take issue with the Jim Birch Society, and the mismanagement they've perpetrated right out of the gate.

The "progressive counsel's" site is apparently updated, but they have not taken the time to post the updates to the official countywide party's site yet, according to the chicas.

You go, girls.

The Business of Government.

Is watching what I do.

Now, that's flattering!

Could be anybody, but I'd say half an hour looking at me is about enough.

Thanks for dropping in.

Denny Hastert's Do-Nothing Congress.

What a great job!

Congress is back in town after two grueling weeks "working at home," and they're all hard at... doing nothing.

As you can see from the schedule of business on the House floor, the Office of the Clerk isn't even up to date!

As prices of gasoline are skyrocketing and Iran is ramping up its rhetoric about leaving the United Nations, and another 35 U.S. Military personnel have died in Iraq since Congress went home, ostensibly, "to work," here are a couple of things you Heavy D and the Boyz could do today before going home.

• Call the Clerk to the floor of the House and request that the schedule of the nation's business become available to the public at once.

• Set aside all previously scheduled business for the day, which culminates in a resolution to honor the late Justic Rhenquist.

• Rescind the current Energy Bill, 2/3 of which was set aside as a $9 Billion corporate welfare program for energy companies.

• Rescind all legislation that provides future welfare payments to Big Oil over the next 10 years, which will save tens of billions more in lost revenue and outright payments for long-term research initiatives.

• Call the President and tell him to rescind his executive order which stops deposits into the Federal Strategic Oil Reserve.

• Craft meaningful legislation that defines "price gouging" at both the wholesale and retail levels, which can be used as the basis for a national approach to this problem.

That's all for now. That should take a couple of hours, which is apparently more than you fuckers can work in one stretch without lining your own suit pockets and those of your corporate special interests with my money.

Pope Urges Study of Condoms.

Aside from the fact that he probably could probably get this done with his own clergy (bidda-dee-boom), we may only be a few centuries behind on the study.

Perhaps the Vatican should talk to the Bushes next time they're in town to have their picture taken with him.

By the end of this century, we may actually have a church institution ready to think about maybe talking about sex.

Maybe.

Yeesh.

President Phucquewithe.

Bush is currently talking at the Renewable Fuels Association. The first part of his talking dealt with oil. Oil, ANWR, oil.

ANWR will reduce the price of oil by 50 cents per barrel, he says. What he didn't say is that ANWR will take years to come online. He didn't say that oil rose by more than 50 cents per barrel last Friday morning alone.

He's finally on the subject of Ethanol, and you can tell he's not only irritated by the overwhelming response. He has no fucking clue what he's talking about.

Fuckwit.

Schmucker Carlson: Screw College.

You don't need it!

This is just the latest big thing from Republicans. Not everybody needs college. Stop worrying about it!

What's at the core of this GOP "Let's Trim College Ranks" rant:
Black people? Forget it! You there... Mexican? Don't even think about it.

That's what.

It seems that every time they roll this out, it flops.

When will Republicans learn?

Limbaugh Joining White House?

News is breaking that Tony Snow of Fox News has been offered the job of White House Press Secretary.

Hell, if President 32% can hire Tony Snow, colon cancer and all, to be his press secretary, why not?

Is there a post available for Bill O'Reilly, too?

Which One Of These Things...

Sound best?

President 32 percent

President 60% Say Fuck You

President Fuckwit.

Sorry. You'll have to get your own link on the last one. Shouldn't be that hard.

Token Maneuver.

This is just getting so old.

Of couse, we won't have to worry about this stuff when we have those new Hydrogen Fuel Cell Cars.

In 2030.

It's clear that Congress does not have its priorities mixed up.

It's day-to-day priorities are simply doing damage, and doing damage control. Nothing else.

Hastert's Congress at 23%.

No fucking kidding?

Do you think we're on the wrong track? Gee... Dunno.

This is a great piece. Especially since this story is from the Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram.

You know, where there supposedly aren't any Democrats.

Republicans Cannot Lead Through Any Crisis.

After years of Republican rule in Illinois, one would think a reasonable, easy-to-understand law on gasoline price gouging would exist.

Nope.

So why would anyone with an ounce of sense be content to hear Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert and President 33% talking tough about dealing "firmly" with the problem?

Don't buy it. Republicans have a history that dates back to Nixonian America of doing nothing about what you and I might call criminal activity. And the effect of the only thing a Republican president ever did about an oil crisis was when Nixon and Ford fucked it up even more by imposing price controls, which caused a wider panic.

The only Nixon to ever do anything about the problem is a Democratic Attorney General in Missouri. And he's going to town.

So how do we deal with the problem today with our Do-Nothing Leaders? How about lining some of these sons-of-bitches up in front of a fruit stand and letting the public take aim with some rotten apples and tomatoes? I mean the dealers themselves, not necessarily Do-Nothing Republicans.

Two years ago, I spotted an interesting trend. The difference on many days between the price of gasoline in Sandwich, Plano, Yorkville and Oswego was as much as 25 cents. There was no reason for it. None. So I started asking around after I noticed this happening over several weeks.

One station attendant said they would receive a fax that indicated the price change was required. This would often happen after the morning rush hour. Commuters would see as much as a 20 cent increase on the way home.

Other attendants would tell me that their price was simply reactive to the guy across the street.

And in Sandwich or Plano, where the prices were often 20 cents lower for days at a time, the dealers (sometimes the owners) would respond that the other guys were acting out of line. Keep in mind, however strong the hint, it was always short of saying the other guy was breaking the law.

Still, there were periods of several days at a time when prices in Kendall were higher than in Cook County, where there are considerably higher local taxes tacked on to each gallon.

But the really big trick occurred afterward, when after 1-4 days of seemingly maximizing their profits, dealers would -- almost in unison -- lower the price by 75-85 percent, leaving an increase of maybe 3-5 cents by the end of the week.

While interesting, this does not meet the standard for price gouging in Illinois. Why not?

Until this Executive Order was issued in 2004 by Gov. Blagojevich, there was quite literally nothing on the books to cause the Illinois Attorney General to act on suspicious price increases, unless prices were way out of line with a community- or area-wide, standard.

Remember that when you're casting your vote in November. Because Blagojevich, a Democrat, is the first governor of Illinois to do more than acknowledge the problem and give you lip service.

Look at what the AG in AZ says, for instance, where the AC is on all the time. Sorry for the alliteration.

So here's what you can do about it in Illinois.
• Keep your eyes peeled on 3 or 4 stations every time you drive past. You probably drive past these places twice or more a day if you drive to work. They're probably stations you don't buy from anyway, because their price is maybe higher than where you buy.

• Leave yourself voice notes on your phone each time, noting the location (the date and time is on your phone). When you get to your destination, transcribe the information and keep good records.

• When you see an unusual spike, then drop, like the ones I described, report it here.

This is bound to happen again this year, as it has the past two years, but don't count on anyone else to do something about it. It's your wallet: protect it the best you can.

And here's what Democrats can do elsewhere, where you have local Democratic representation that will actually act.
• Call or write your Democratic Governor, State Rep. or Senator, State Attorney General. Demand that they act at the state level, because it's clear the federal government will not.

• Demand that they subpoena Big Oil executives and hold hearings in every state capital where there's a Democrat in charge, and force those executives to explain every aspect of their business and the process of getting oil through the refinery and into your gas tank, and why billions in profits are acceptable in your state while people are beginning to pawn precious belongings to buy gasoline.

• Ask that oil executives bring experts to describe in great detail the "expensive" chemical mixture so mysterious and costly for drivers in ethanol-friendly states. (If you didn't know, this is utter bullshit: The tanker simply fills 80% under one terminal, then pulls up to another spigot to top off. That's your "expensive" 80-20 blending process.)

Chances are that this crisis will be with us for a long, long time as China begins to overshadow us in the world market. But having Democratic leaders act in unison -- at your request -- is something that can be pounded over the heads of the Republicans we'll be throwing out in the Fall. And hopefully for the next generation, who will surely bear the cost of this useless, reckless, all-Republican federal machine.

The Case For GMO Corn and Soybeans.

Bio-Diesel anyone?

Following President Hu's visit, it became clear as a bell sounding on a cold morning that President Bush has gambled away every single bargaining chip that was left behind by the Clinton presidency. Not one deal, not one bit of talk about the gigantic trade deficit with China, nothing about oil.

And oil is the hot topic of the day. We are a breath away from $3 gas again, when the Energy Department -- within the past two weeks -- all but stated this would not happen. Crude closed over $75 a barrel yesterday for the first time in history.

The so-called "Speaker of the House," Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert now says he wants to investigate oil company profits.

As citizens, taxpayers, and chiefly, employers of Denny Hastert, now is the time to ask him why now and why not any other time in the 20 years he has inhabited the House? Why should we believe you now, when you are on the record last year saying that record profits are fine for the oil companies? And why are you investigating their profits and not the entire system the behemoth has built on the backs of Americans?

Yesterday's news carried the projections of growing auto sales in China, where cars are beginning to sell like iPods. And that means China will make another leap in its consumption of oil so that they will better control the petroleum market.

The oil pool will reach its peak in a few years, given the increased consumption in China, and the distribution system in the U.S. is completely fucked up. Thanks to Big Oil. If ever there was a case for the federal government to seize control of an industry and straighten it the hell out, this is it.

But then, no Republican wants to be referred to as a Socialist, as they so fondly remember their historical nemesis, Franklin D. Roosevelt, the greatest president of the last century.

So let's work on diversity. This means providing consumers with alternatives to petroleum products to fuel their autos.

Bio-Diesel is beginning to take off. And its a product that could conceivably be created in every region of the country, based that region's own production of special crops, grown simply for an energy harvest. But GMO grains are banned in the U.S. That's because this Congress has no fucking clue how to separate one type of corn from another in the distribution channel.

And this is a great "in" for Democrats.

So here's something to consider (actually, a bunch of things).

• Do not allow oil companies, which already control every aspect of their product, and America's fuel supply, to even invest in this new technology. Ban Big Oil from diversifying until the playing field is even. That means until every town that already has service stations that pump gasoline and Diesel also has competition that serves up competitively priced Bio-Diesel and Pure Ethanol. And that's going to take some time.

There is no fucking sense at all in relying on Big Oil to create the next generation of fuels for us. Remember MTBE?

• Provide federal funding for research and development of GMO corn and soybeans that will allow the crops to be grown in various soils, and faster, while proving it leaves no marker in the land that would prevent the land from being used for rotation of other food crops.

• Create guidelines for the Ag Industry to create and adopt a new supply chain for GMO crops to be used strictly for fuel and non-feed purposes. This requires regulation, which Democrats should not ever be afraid to hold up as an example of how government can work for the good of the population.

GMO crop maps will need to be developed and controlled at the local or regional level. This is all possible today.

• Provide meaningful federal funding, including low-interest loans for local Co-ops and others to build Bio-Diesel and Ethanol production facilities across the land.

• Create legislation that disallows any farmer or corporate farm from contolling the entire process. This is what we currently suffer from Big Oil. Farmers and corporate farms would have to divest entirely from one industry to jump to the other.

• Get going on the next generation engines that will burn straight vegetable oils (SVOs) which burn 100% clean and provide greater efficiency that petroleum burning Diesel engines.

• Force the auto industry to immediately adopt the new engine standards which allows the consumer to make choices on engine and fuel types in every vehicle on the market. Reduce the cost of manufacture, which reduces the cost of the product, by having engines installed at the dealership. Require automakers to manufacture vehicle engine compartments and fittings that will allow any maker's engine to power the vehicle.

This will transfer jobs to areas of the country where there is little or no manufacturing being done, and will help preserve good-paying union jobs that are being lost under the auto industry's current leadership.

Any ASE-certified mechanic is qualified to make the installation in minutes right where you buy the car. The only thing preventing it is that it's a different way of doing things.

Without real leadership during this time of looming, long-term crisis, there will be no turning back from the Europeanization of fuel prices we're about to suffer.

Friday Night Cock Pictures.

Ohhhhh. Yeah, baby. Look at this closeup.

Get a load of how BIG this one is...

Loose Cannons.

This incident, from what I was always told, is what created the term "loose cannon on the deck of a ship."

Meet your new Democratic Council, Kendall County. This is what I've been talking about.

Meet your new crazy neighbors, Kane and Will County Democrats.

Too bad the Kendall County Record doesn't print the letters to the editor in its online edition, then you would have seen all of this coming.

Just like me.

Who are you?

It's Freedom Fries Day.

Happy Friday.

Mama's got a squeezebox.

Gonna be out for a bit.

Thank God George W. Bush Is Our President.

Remember that quote when you see that turncoat, hunch-shouldered little bastard Rudy Giuliani on the campaign trail over the next couple of years.

Isn't this a lovely picture? It comes with a great story, too.

Thank God Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is looking out for the pocketbooks of Americans (who can easily afford gas that's $2.80/gal). I can see him now, ready to spring into action... once the price goes to $3.30, like last time.

And what did we get with his call for action? Nothing. Like always.

Nothing.

Call Hastert And Demand Action NOW.

Unless you've been underground in your shielded bunker like me, or at church awaiting The Rapture (oh, goody!), you have no doubt read or seen reports about the democratic uprising in Nepal. Also, you can't turn on the Cartoon Network tonight without seeing pictures of China's President Hu, who finally made it to D.C. after starting the week with the American he most wanted to make deals with, Microsoft's Bill Gates.

I'll bet Bill Gates, at least, didn't introduce him as the President of the Republic of China. Oh, well.

So what the Hell are doing fucking around with Iraq and Iran, anyway, when the really big prize would be China and Nepal?

I mean, honestly, we could kick the living shit out of everybody in Kathmandu in about 3 days, don't you think? Fuck the aftermath! We could get Pottery Barn and REI to open shops there after the killing is over, then make a God-Damned mountain climbing resort out of it. And a mountain resort would make a lovely vacation spot... and an excellent staging area for Army Rangers.

Which makes it all pretty easy to demand action on that one.

But China, whoa! Red China. Probably still pisses Rumsfeld off that we even speak to those Godless, God-Damned yellow devils. They eat dogs there, too, God-Damn it! Dogs!

What a prize that one would be. They have been threatening Taiwan for as long as I've been alive. And it's got to stop before we're no longer able to get iPods, and all the other really cool stuff that is made there.

So Friday morning make your first priority a call to Speaker Hastert's office to demand that he introduce a resolution in the House to provoke all out war with these two Godless, Maoist, un-Democracy loving nations and start bombing the real devils of the world. The Yellow Hoard.

Hastert's Offices
D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

Hastert Wins Big! In Today's Headlines.

Normally, you could go months without getting a "news alert" on your cellphone or mailbox looking for the simple string, "hastert," in any news story. Really! Months go by! And mostly, I'm alerted during dinner, when the wires post their final stories for the early news digests.

Big fucking deal.

But today was like Monday morning chores on the old Laesch dairy farm in Bloomington, Illinois (where do you think all that delicious Oberweis milk comes from, eh?).

Get a load:

House Speaker Dennis Hastert Supports Legislation Protecting Dignity of Military Funerals
A story on the Chickenhawk's Chickenshit co-sponsorship of legislation that is the new wedge issue: a federal law that prohibits protest or disruption of military funerals at any time 60 minutes prior, during, and up to 60 minutes after said funeral.

O, Denny! How Heroic Thou Art!

Uh... Wonder how they're gonna enforce that? Gonna ban the press from reporting next, you fucking Nazis?

How Important Is the Quid Pro Quo?
An absolutely great, straight-to-the-point commentary by Steven Hill on what he calls the "Pyramid of Money" that influences the players in Washington.

A must read.

Reid and Pelosi: Spin Doesn't Change the Mean-Spirited House Republican Immigration Bill
From Hispanic Business, on the spin that made it look like Hastert and Frist would stop the Sensenbrenner effort to make all illegal aliens felons, punishable by a minimum 6 months in jail.

Hint to Dems on the ballot: When Hastert says "special interests" this is what he means. He makes it sound like Dems are supporting criminals. In fact, Hastert is denegrating support of middle-of-the-road Hispanics on a middle-of-the-road issue. Oh, yes. Another one that he has turned into a gigantic wedge issue.

I repeat: Wonder how they're gonna enforce that?

What to do about the budget
Actually, from Townhall.com, for Christ's sake. That's how fucked up the Republican party is today. The limp Conservative faction of the party is finally bitching at Hastert for not taking his corrupt Chairmen out.

The GOP's Budget Problem.
The Prince of Darkness's column focuses on Hastert's lack of control over the looneys who are running the government like a fucking craps table at Harrah's.

Obviously, Robert Novak is kidding. He has been in bed with these cocksuckers every step of the way.

Guess the FOX salary isn't as good as all the residuals from the shows CNN shit-canned out from under this unholy cretinous cocksucking motherfucker of a washed-up columnist.

Bob Novak, UCCMFW-UC

An Idea That Will Work.

If you're like me (Gog help you, for one thing)... But if you're like me, you've probably seen this email a zillion times now.

It's another cock-a-mamie (have I spelled that right?) idea to bring down the price of gasoline, purportedly until it hurts Exxon/Mobil and BP so much they drop the price to $1.30/gal.

This latest half-baked plan has you avoiding "Exxon and Mobil" stations until they yield by lowering the price. Presumably, the genius author didn't know that Exxon and Mobil are as one. Or that BP is the largest petroleum whore selling in the U.S., followed by Exxon/Mobil, then Shell.

For one thing, that's not any better than the "National Don't Buy Gas Day" that went around last year when prices spiked.

Since we are looking at yet another national crisis under "the grownups" since they came "back to town," let's treat it accordingly and stop being so lazy and God-Damned stupid.

Here are a couple of suggestions that might take us in the right direction.

1. Our leaders should immediatly stop any and all talk of nuking Iran. From any perspective, this is simply. fucking. nuts.

2. Every executive at companies that employ more than 20 people should immediately stop production of whatever it is they produce and have a staff meeting. At said meeting, mandatory car pools will be determined by the employees and become part of scheduling by every manager within said company.

3. No one using their car for said car pool should even think about topping off the tank. At any station. Instead, put in 1-1.5 gallons less than what was consumed during the week. After about 20 weeks, we should be back in the cold season, and gas prices will respond to this uniform approach.

Just in time for our fucking gas bills to go through the fucking roof again.

Of course, by that time, we could be "hit again," or we could be shoveling mullah ashes into the back of trucks in suburban Tehran.

Jesus Fucking Crimony in a God-Damned Gasoline Tanker.

What will it take to get bio-diesel fuel and engines in production all over the U.S.? When will it finally be enough?

Kendall Democrats Crown New Leader.

The Jim Birch Society posed for this press photo following the ceremony where Birch was crowned "Democrat Until Martin Flowers Unifies County of Kendall" (DUMFUCK).

Pictured (l-r) are: The Sixteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Fifteen Most Important Democrat in Kendall county, The Fourteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Thirteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Twelfth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Eleventh Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Tenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, Dear Leader Birch, His Shorter Body Double, The Seventh Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Sixth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Two Black Guys Birch Knows (Also Important), And So On.

UPDATE: Congressional Candidate John Laesch, who bragged about ousting the Flowers party organization and recruiting 40 precinct committeemen for the Jim Birch Society, did not show up for the coronation.

Odd that someone with so much clout (he received 12 votes in his precinct, and was crowned a committeeman) would not attend the county convention.

Woman Interrupts Hu - Bush Press Conference.

An Asian woman was spirited away by Capital Police after attempting to shout down China's President Hu, the most powerful leader in the world.

While it appeared that most of the shouting was in Chinese, at one point the woman could be heard shouting in English, "President Bush! Stop him!" before being pulled from the press stand.

It took more than a minute for police to get to the press area to subdue the woman, who presumably gained admittance with press credentials.

As the shouting went on, the weakest, most petulant leader in the free world looked agitated, and at times, frightened by the disturbance.

Now, two questions arise from this, in my mind. One: Did she pick up Jeff Gannon's credentials to gain admittance? Two: Was the president repeating his infamout "My Pet Goat Moment?"

Blogger Moving South.

There will be planned maintenance at Blogger from 6 p.m. Central to 8. You'll be able to look in, but I won't be able to post anything during that period.

These have been longer outages in the past, so if you don't see me, it's not that I'm not trying!

Deer In The Headlights.

What an engaged look. What energy, what feeling... What a well-dressed, meek little coward you see (the Large One in the middle).

Of all the things on Hastert's website, this item makes me laugh more than anything I've ever seen there. I hope it never comes down, but with energy prices on the climb again, who knows.

What a shame! Especially with all the hard work and planning that went into the Energy Bill, which was supposed to help!

Buh-Bye, Scotty! Hello... Bonjean?

Salon's War-Room is reporting that the chief moron in Denny Hastert's multi-million dollar press operation is on the short list to replace Scotty ("I was against gay prostitutes getting White House day passes before I personally issued them daily for a year") McClellan.

Oh, golly, I just wet myself again!

If The Election Were Held Today...

The Great Decider would win only four states, based on his approval rating.

He wouldn't even win Texas. Or even Connecticut, his home state.

Presumably, Congress would turn over with a giant flopping sound from all the pork fat slapping the ground.

The Fishing Expedition of the 21st Century.

The FBI has mounted a fishing expedition to rifle 200 boxes of papers bequeathed to GWU by the late columnist Jack Anderson.

This is absolutely crazy. It's also why I believe columnists should pick up the old practice of having an understudy working with them at all times so there's someone to take over the column.

No fucking way would the Washington Post allow this to happen if the papers were the property of Anderson's successor at the Post.

Just Like The Decider Said.

"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best," President Bush said today. "And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Seckerterrya Defense."

What a numbnutted, fuckwitted, petulant little prick.

Maybe Poppy should take him out to the woodshed, once and for all.

As for Rumsfeld, who knows? What do you say about a Seckerterrya Defense who says the U.S. media is being manipulated by the terrorists, and stops just short of saying that his former generals are on the side of the terrorists?

I'll tell you what I'd do if I was the Speaker of the Fucking House. I'd call a press conference and demand that the President fire this sonofabitch.

Who I Am.

A number of people have written (sometimes quite emphatically, which I find very funny) asking me why I remain anonymous. Some have "demanded" (which is even funnier yet) that I reveal my identity. Some go so far as to call me a coward, or say I'm "getting all 'The Shadow'" on them when I say that I am "The Fox" of Kendall County lore.

Well, I've had enough.

While I refuse to get down in the trenches and respond to comments (which I have done in the past, and for which I still harbor some regret because it's petty) a number of Jim Birch Society members have revealed their sharp senses by asking the question: "Why do you remain anonymous?"

It's actually pretty simple. I enjoy a role as spectator in this "non-spectator sport" called politics. As I grew up, my desire to enter politics evaporated as every single Democrat around me was reduced to laughing-stock by hectoring, heckling mouthbreathers, the likes of whom now control every branch of our government (and likely will for the remainder of my life).

These mouthbreathers also formed a vast network that I refer to as the Moron Contingent in America, which comprises nearly 40% of our population, among whom many of my own family and friends waller in abject stupidity.

I also know people that I have written about, and I'm not talking about the JBS. This is a sideshow which irritates me greatly, which is why I write about it. I love to be irritated (as you can see right here).

And I know things. Things that would blow you away. Things that I'm pretty sure would get me blown away if I blurted it all out here. And I'm not kidding.

No "Shadow." No imaginary stuff.

The people who hold power today are ruthless motherfuckers. I make no apologies for my language. At some point, if Democrats don't get their heads out of their asses and start promoting concrete policy and unity, I won't even be able to use that language on the internets. Dennis Hastert is, as I've said, a good front man for these people because he's a lot less overtly motherfuckerish than a Rumsfeld, Rove or Gingrich. He's a good "coach," when you ask them, but they snicker behind his back because all he does is carry their water (for which he's paid handsomely).

So when I say that I am "The Fox," know that I am operating in that spirit, as I knew him well (and fuck you, Steve, by the way).

I could say, also, that I am Esperanza. Or Don Diego de la Vega. But I suspect that my Latino following (among whom the allusion would gain instant noteriety) is somewhat limited.

And when I say that I am your conscience, know that I want you to think and not be just another mouthbreather.

And when I say that I am Thomas Paine, know that I would have been Thomas Paine if the internets were around 235 years ago. I want you to understand how seriously I take this very serious and troubled world that we have become during my long life.

Bloggers are modern-day anonymous pampleteers, the likes of which helped fuel our American Revolution.

I have a lot of fun doing this. It is rather therapeutic. But I am also keenly aware that without their anonymity, my heroes faced real and dire consequences.

I could be a man. I could be a journalist. I could be a woman. Or maybe not. I could even be more than one person.

You will not know.

Readers are welcome to adopt their own handle or post anonymously in the comments. That's the beauty of blogging. Come one and come all. Morons, patrons, saints and sinners.

The Jim Birch Society will find its way. Or it won't. It doesn't matter, really. If it wasn't such a fucking freak show, I'd simply call it a sideshow attraction. But it just doesn't matter. The real object of my disgust is seated at the table of power, and he's fattened by eating your lunch and dinner every day. And you have no idea how much he's really consumed and how big he really is.