Call Hastert And Demand Action NOW.

Unless you've been underground in your shielded bunker like me, or at church awaiting The Rapture (oh, goody!), you have no doubt read or seen reports about the democratic uprising in Nepal. Also, you can't turn on the Cartoon Network tonight without seeing pictures of China's President Hu, who finally made it to D.C. after starting the week with the American he most wanted to make deals with, Microsoft's Bill Gates.

I'll bet Bill Gates, at least, didn't introduce him as the President of the Republic of China. Oh, well.

So what the Hell are doing fucking around with Iraq and Iran, anyway, when the really big prize would be China and Nepal?

I mean, honestly, we could kick the living shit out of everybody in Kathmandu in about 3 days, don't you think? Fuck the aftermath! We could get Pottery Barn and REI to open shops there after the killing is over, then make a God-Damned mountain climbing resort out of it. And a mountain resort would make a lovely vacation spot... and an excellent staging area for Army Rangers.

Which makes it all pretty easy to demand action on that one.

But China, whoa! Red China. Probably still pisses Rumsfeld off that we even speak to those Godless, God-Damned yellow devils. They eat dogs there, too, God-Damn it! Dogs!

What a prize that one would be. They have been threatening Taiwan for as long as I've been alive. And it's got to stop before we're no longer able to get iPods, and all the other really cool stuff that is made there.

So Friday morning make your first priority a call to Speaker Hastert's office to demand that he introduce a resolution in the House to provoke all out war with these two Godless, Maoist, un-Democracy loving nations and start bombing the real devils of the world. The Yellow Hoard.

Hastert's Offices
D.C.: 202-225-2976
Batavia: 630 401-1114
Dixon: 815-288-0680

Hastert Wins Big! In Today's Headlines.

Normally, you could go months without getting a "news alert" on your cellphone or mailbox looking for the simple string, "hastert," in any news story. Really! Months go by! And mostly, I'm alerted during dinner, when the wires post their final stories for the early news digests.

Big fucking deal.

But today was like Monday morning chores on the old Laesch dairy farm in Bloomington, Illinois (where do you think all that delicious Oberweis milk comes from, eh?).

Get a load:

House Speaker Dennis Hastert Supports Legislation Protecting Dignity of Military Funerals
A story on the Chickenhawk's Chickenshit co-sponsorship of legislation that is the new wedge issue: a federal law that prohibits protest or disruption of military funerals at any time 60 minutes prior, during, and up to 60 minutes after said funeral.

O, Denny! How Heroic Thou Art!

Uh... Wonder how they're gonna enforce that? Gonna ban the press from reporting next, you fucking Nazis?

How Important Is the Quid Pro Quo?
An absolutely great, straight-to-the-point commentary by Steven Hill on what he calls the "Pyramid of Money" that influences the players in Washington.

A must read.

Reid and Pelosi: Spin Doesn't Change the Mean-Spirited House Republican Immigration Bill
From Hispanic Business, on the spin that made it look like Hastert and Frist would stop the Sensenbrenner effort to make all illegal aliens felons, punishable by a minimum 6 months in jail.

Hint to Dems on the ballot: When Hastert says "special interests" this is what he means. He makes it sound like Dems are supporting criminals. In fact, Hastert is denegrating support of middle-of-the-road Hispanics on a middle-of-the-road issue. Oh, yes. Another one that he has turned into a gigantic wedge issue.

I repeat: Wonder how they're gonna enforce that?

What to do about the budget
Actually, from Townhall.com, for Christ's sake. That's how fucked up the Republican party is today. The limp Conservative faction of the party is finally bitching at Hastert for not taking his corrupt Chairmen out.

The GOP's Budget Problem.
The Prince of Darkness's column focuses on Hastert's lack of control over the looneys who are running the government like a fucking craps table at Harrah's.

Obviously, Robert Novak is kidding. He has been in bed with these cocksuckers every step of the way.

Guess the FOX salary isn't as good as all the residuals from the shows CNN shit-canned out from under this unholy cretinous cocksucking motherfucker of a washed-up columnist.

Bob Novak, UCCMFW-UC

An Idea That Will Work.

If you're like me (Gog help you, for one thing)... But if you're like me, you've probably seen this email a zillion times now.

It's another cock-a-mamie (have I spelled that right?) idea to bring down the price of gasoline, purportedly until it hurts Exxon/Mobil and BP so much they drop the price to $1.30/gal.

This latest half-baked plan has you avoiding "Exxon and Mobil" stations until they yield by lowering the price. Presumably, the genius author didn't know that Exxon and Mobil are as one. Or that BP is the largest petroleum whore selling in the U.S., followed by Exxon/Mobil, then Shell.

For one thing, that's not any better than the "National Don't Buy Gas Day" that went around last year when prices spiked.

Since we are looking at yet another national crisis under "the grownups" since they came "back to town," let's treat it accordingly and stop being so lazy and God-Damned stupid.

Here are a couple of suggestions that might take us in the right direction.

1. Our leaders should immediatly stop any and all talk of nuking Iran. From any perspective, this is simply. fucking. nuts.

2. Every executive at companies that employ more than 20 people should immediately stop production of whatever it is they produce and have a staff meeting. At said meeting, mandatory car pools will be determined by the employees and become part of scheduling by every manager within said company.

3. No one using their car for said car pool should even think about topping off the tank. At any station. Instead, put in 1-1.5 gallons less than what was consumed during the week. After about 20 weeks, we should be back in the cold season, and gas prices will respond to this uniform approach.

Just in time for our fucking gas bills to go through the fucking roof again.

Of course, by that time, we could be "hit again," or we could be shoveling mullah ashes into the back of trucks in suburban Tehran.

Jesus Fucking Crimony in a God-Damned Gasoline Tanker.

What will it take to get bio-diesel fuel and engines in production all over the U.S.? When will it finally be enough?

Kendall Democrats Crown New Leader.

The Jim Birch Society posed for this press photo following the ceremony where Birch was crowned "Democrat Until Martin Flowers Unifies County of Kendall" (DUMFUCK).

Pictured (l-r) are: The Sixteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Fifteen Most Important Democrat in Kendall county, The Fourteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Thirteenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Twelfth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Eleventh Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Tenth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, Dear Leader Birch, His Shorter Body Double, The Seventh Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Sixth Most Important Democrat in Kendall County, The Two Black Guys Birch Knows (Also Important), And So On.

UPDATE: Congressional Candidate John Laesch, who bragged about ousting the Flowers party organization and recruiting 40 precinct committeemen for the Jim Birch Society, did not show up for the coronation.

Odd that someone with so much clout (he received 12 votes in his precinct, and was crowned a committeeman) would not attend the county convention.

Woman Interrupts Hu - Bush Press Conference.

An Asian woman was spirited away by Capital Police after attempting to shout down China's President Hu, the most powerful leader in the world.

While it appeared that most of the shouting was in Chinese, at one point the woman could be heard shouting in English, "President Bush! Stop him!" before being pulled from the press stand.

It took more than a minute for police to get to the press area to subdue the woman, who presumably gained admittance with press credentials.

As the shouting went on, the weakest, most petulant leader in the free world looked agitated, and at times, frightened by the disturbance.

Now, two questions arise from this, in my mind. One: Did she pick up Jeff Gannon's credentials to gain admittance? Two: Was the president repeating his infamout "My Pet Goat Moment?"

Blogger Moving South.

There will be planned maintenance at Blogger from 6 p.m. Central to 8. You'll be able to look in, but I won't be able to post anything during that period.

These have been longer outages in the past, so if you don't see me, it's not that I'm not trying!

Deer In The Headlights.

What an engaged look. What energy, what feeling... What a well-dressed, meek little coward you see (the Large One in the middle).

Of all the things on Hastert's website, this item makes me laugh more than anything I've ever seen there. I hope it never comes down, but with energy prices on the climb again, who knows.

What a shame! Especially with all the hard work and planning that went into the Energy Bill, which was supposed to help!

Buh-Bye, Scotty! Hello... Bonjean?

Salon's War-Room is reporting that the chief moron in Denny Hastert's multi-million dollar press operation is on the short list to replace Scotty ("I was against gay prostitutes getting White House day passes before I personally issued them daily for a year") McClellan.

Oh, golly, I just wet myself again!

If The Election Were Held Today...

The Great Decider would win only four states, based on his approval rating.

He wouldn't even win Texas. Or even Connecticut, his home state.

Presumably, Congress would turn over with a giant flopping sound from all the pork fat slapping the ground.

The Fishing Expedition of the 21st Century.

The FBI has mounted a fishing expedition to rifle 200 boxes of papers bequeathed to GWU by the late columnist Jack Anderson.

This is absolutely crazy. It's also why I believe columnists should pick up the old practice of having an understudy working with them at all times so there's someone to take over the column.

No fucking way would the Washington Post allow this to happen if the papers were the property of Anderson's successor at the Post.

Just Like The Decider Said.

"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best," President Bush said today. "And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Seckerterrya Defense."

What a numbnutted, fuckwitted, petulant little prick.

Maybe Poppy should take him out to the woodshed, once and for all.

As for Rumsfeld, who knows? What do you say about a Seckerterrya Defense who says the U.S. media is being manipulated by the terrorists, and stops just short of saying that his former generals are on the side of the terrorists?

I'll tell you what I'd do if I was the Speaker of the Fucking House. I'd call a press conference and demand that the President fire this sonofabitch.

Who I Am.

A number of people have written (sometimes quite emphatically, which I find very funny) asking me why I remain anonymous. Some have "demanded" (which is even funnier yet) that I reveal my identity. Some go so far as to call me a coward, or say I'm "getting all 'The Shadow'" on them when I say that I am "The Fox" of Kendall County lore.

Well, I've had enough.

While I refuse to get down in the trenches and respond to comments (which I have done in the past, and for which I still harbor some regret because it's petty) a number of Jim Birch Society members have revealed their sharp senses by asking the question: "Why do you remain anonymous?"

It's actually pretty simple. I enjoy a role as spectator in this "non-spectator sport" called politics. As I grew up, my desire to enter politics evaporated as every single Democrat around me was reduced to laughing-stock by hectoring, heckling mouthbreathers, the likes of whom now control every branch of our government (and likely will for the remainder of my life).

These mouthbreathers also formed a vast network that I refer to as the Moron Contingent in America, which comprises nearly 40% of our population, among whom many of my own family and friends waller in abject stupidity.

I also know people that I have written about, and I'm not talking about the JBS. This is a sideshow which irritates me greatly, which is why I write about it. I love to be irritated (as you can see right here).

And I know things. Things that would blow you away. Things that I'm pretty sure would get me blown away if I blurted it all out here. And I'm not kidding.

No "Shadow." No imaginary stuff.

The people who hold power today are ruthless motherfuckers. I make no apologies for my language. At some point, if Democrats don't get their heads out of their asses and start promoting concrete policy and unity, I won't even be able to use that language on the internets. Dennis Hastert is, as I've said, a good front man for these people because he's a lot less overtly motherfuckerish than a Rumsfeld, Rove or Gingrich. He's a good "coach," when you ask them, but they snicker behind his back because all he does is carry their water (for which he's paid handsomely).

So when I say that I am "The Fox," know that I am operating in that spirit, as I knew him well (and fuck you, Steve, by the way).

I could say, also, that I am Esperanza. Or Don Diego de la Vega. But I suspect that my Latino following (among whom the allusion would gain instant noteriety) is somewhat limited.

And when I say that I am your conscience, know that I want you to think and not be just another mouthbreather.

And when I say that I am Thomas Paine, know that I would have been Thomas Paine if the internets were around 235 years ago. I want you to understand how seriously I take this very serious and troubled world that we have become during my long life.

Bloggers are modern-day anonymous pampleteers, the likes of which helped fuel our American Revolution.

I have a lot of fun doing this. It is rather therapeutic. But I am also keenly aware that without their anonymity, my heroes faced real and dire consequences.

I could be a man. I could be a journalist. I could be a woman. Or maybe not. I could even be more than one person.

You will not know.

Readers are welcome to adopt their own handle or post anonymously in the comments. That's the beauty of blogging. Come one and come all. Morons, patrons, saints and sinners.

The Jim Birch Society will find its way. Or it won't. It doesn't matter, really. If it wasn't such a fucking freak show, I'd simply call it a sideshow attraction. But it just doesn't matter. The real object of my disgust is seated at the table of power, and he's fattened by eating your lunch and dinner every day. And you have no idea how much he's really consumed and how big he really is.

Lobbying Reform Battle Lost Again.

As Denny Hastert resumes his pillage of the Capital City following a grueling, yet brief, 3-day tour of VietNam last week, and his lobbyist son prepares to take his father's share of the fatted menu upon "J. Dennis's" retirement in 2009, true lobbying reform is about to die in the House yet again.

In the lastest installment on the Little Speaker's Blog, Hastert closed with a pledge "Next week, 527 reform."

Oooooooo. Scary. Especially for all of us who are using 527s to skirt the tax and campaign finance laws, and support our overseas drug trafficking operations.

Let's get something straight: 527s are not the problem, you oafish dolt. People like you and your tribe of gluttonous, priggish
cannibals who have been turned loose on the public trust have derailed any form of fairness so that we'll not see reform as long as you're working the tables.

It's all a game to you, where you set up your offspring with the winnings once you've finally stuffed yourselves so full you have no choice but to leave the table.

If Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert wanted transparency, as he very clearly stated in 2004, he would disclose where every dollar of his campaign contributions came from... right now.

Here is a constructive suggestion for Democrats on how to start the debate. This one, simple illustration will make it clear to the public that Democrats not only "get it," but that they are the only ones in Congress who want real, lasting lobbying and campaign finance law reform. Let's call this "Line One: The Democratic Party Credo for 2006."

On Gifts from Lobbyists:


Democrats pledge to publicly destroy any and all prior donations and gifts from lobbyists that we're able to identify as having been received during Republican control of the House of Representatives, 1994-2006.

We're going to go to every single God-Damned congressional office and pick up every dirty gift given to Democrats and pile them up on the steps of the Capitol on the first day of summer break, and then do this (see left).

Then we're going to sign a pledge that we will accept nothing (Nothing. Zero) from lobbyists. Not one meal, not the fucking tip, not one anything.

Now, then. What did you assholes say about 527s going first?

Star Jones

Holy fatted calf. I liked Starr Jones a lot more when she didn't look scary.

I can't seem to locate any current images. Tune in to Larry King to see her subbing there tonight to see what I mean.

And We Think...

Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert is a nice guy? Why?

Hastert told reporters on a three-day visit to Vietnam that some members would put religious and human rights constraints on any trade bill.

"But in the long run for the greater good it is important for us to pass this legislation," said Hastert, an Illinois Republican who led a delegation of House members to Hanoi to meet government leaders.

I've been behaving because of Easter and all, but Jesus Christ in a Fucking Rickshaw on Main Street! Was Hastert smoking crack with his boys on the way to Nam, or was he just jetlagged out of his fucking creepy, diabetic gourd when he said that??!!

$3 campshirts wholesale to Wal-Mart is more important than human rights.

There are crack whores in D.C. who have more class than this fucking guy.

Happy Easter.

Enjoy your Peeps and chocolate!

Kendall County's Political Merger.

While I was out last week, apparently the torch was passed from the current Democratic party leadership in the county to a new slate of candidates, led by the inimitable Jim Birch Society president himself.

The torch is, indeed, passed, as there were no objections presented and no other candidates nominated for the party offices.

This is quite interesting on a number of fronts, as Birch was quoted after forming his own party organization two years ago, that it would be less formal than the county's central committee. My understanding of party structure is that every countywide party organization is chartered under the state party org, which requires "formalities" such as the use of Robert's Rules of Order, which stipulates adherance to such "formalities" as having a quorum, recognizing voices from the floor, etc.

Another silly formality is the process of assuring the survival of the organization, itself.

Now that Birch effectively controls both party organizations in the nation's third fastest growing county, it remains to be seen what approach either organization will take.

Consider this, however: The entire party will now be controlled by one person. Not good. Interesting that that was the complaint the Birchers had the past few years about the Flowers organization, which is closely tied to the Illinois House Speaker.

And consider this: The Birchers have no such support from any party official outside of Kendall county. What a quaint little island the county will make.

Over the past few months, since the January petition challenges, I have learned that a number of the Birchers (some now nominees to head the local party) have only provided lip service to the Blagojevich campaign. In fact, more than one of the slated Kendall county party nominees have openly criticized Gov. Blagojevich, saying they hope Topinka runs him out of office in November because she'll be easier to work with.

Fact: This is the political equivalent of the sin of blasphemy.

Also consider that a number of the Kendall County Progressives actively supported Republican States Attorney candidate Eric Weis, and engineered the crossover vote to prevent another Ingemunson from gaining elected office. By anyone's estimation, that was a terrible move that will cost Kendall Dems dearly. Daddy Ingemunson won't let that one slide.

Whatever you think of Dallas Ingemunson, know one thing: a man who raises nearly a quarter of a million dollars for his son's election to a local office doesn't like losing. Not with the deals that no doubt were made when the money changed hands.

The local Dem support of Weis was the political equivalent of a murder-suicide. But of course, the suicide victims are not bright enough to realize they've swallowed the poison they themselves mixed into everyone's kool-aid.

Will the Jim Birch Society slate candidates on the countywide ballot? Will they fill the remaining precinct committeeman posts, and tie up their stranglehold on the local party? Will they slate a candidate against Eric Weis in November? Ever?

It's enough to make a girl wonder if the neighboring countywide Dem organizations are even aware of the alliances that have been put in play along the way.

Hello out there? Kane, DuPage, DeKalb, Will and Grundy Democratic party heads? Are you ready to watch the Democratic party in the fastest growing county in the midwest slip down the drain for good?

Blessed Be The Ties That Bind.

Sidney Blumenthal explains how the Bush administration's web of lies, now a giant tangled ball of momentum, has finally begun to tie up and roll over the beast.

$4 Gasoline, $3.50 Diesel.

Yesterday's news from the U.S. Ministry of Energy Propaganda would be laughable if it weren't for the fact that we're all about to get repeatedly sodomized by Big Oil again this year.

The Energy Department says it expects the price of regular to average $2.62 a gallon, 25 cents more than last summer, over the April-September driving period. But prices around the country already are above that.

Hello? Anyone in those empty suits? It's been higher than that for more than two weeks in Chicagoland!

Imagine returning from vacation only to have to fill up three vehicles that cost more than $140 to fill up. Now go higher.

The best part, however, is directly from the EIA Short-Term Outlook:

By September 2006, fuel prices are expected to be much lower than last year because of the crude oil and natural gas production and refinery outages caused by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in 2005. With another active hurricane season possible this year, news of any developing hurricanes and tropical storms with a potential to cause significant new outages could add to volatility in near-term prices in the latter part of the summer.

I say again... Hello? I think we call it a hurricane season down there... which NOAA forecast last year to be more volatile in the coming years, and likely more like last year's multiple hit parade.

We are so screwed as long as these incompetent boobs are working in government.

If only there were some body of politicians who represented the various regions of the country... let's call it a Congress!

Today's Overstated Headline.

"U.S. Trade Deficit Improves in February" should actually read "Little Change in Worst-Ever Trade Gap."

A 4.2% drop in the trade deficit in the middle of winter is nothing to write home about. On the whole, if this good news, that the trade deficit dropped a whole 4.2% from the previous month, were extrapolated we would still have a massive figure of more than $658 Billion at year's end.

Worse yet, if the trade deficit drops a whopping 4.2% from last year's record it would stand at more than $693 Billion.

Let's see if Hastert's website uses this somewhere in their countdown on the old homepage.

Watching the Reports...

A keen eye on the blog report tells me that my earlier post about Hastert's desire to jail much of his hometown may have produced this result.

The two top Republicans in Congress, confronted with internal party divisions as well as large public demonstrations, said Tuesday they intend to pass immigration legislation that does not subject illegal aliens to prosecution as felons.

A written statement by House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Illinois and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist of Tennessee, did not say whether they would seek legislation subjecting illegal immigrants to misdemeanor prosecution or possibly a civil penalty such as a fine.

"It remains our intent to produce a strong border security bill that will not make unlawful presence in the United States a felony," the two men said. An estimated 11 million men, women and children are in the United States illegally.

sssssssssss... I'm so hot tonight.

But there is no explanation why Fristy Hastert have been bragging about their work on crafting legislation that... well, treats illegal aliens as felons. Hmmm. Guess they forgot that part.

It Simply Begs The Question.

Anybody who knows anything about Kendall county knows two things that play heavily in today's House Bill to felonize illegal aliens.

#1: Kendall county farms have used braceros for generations to work their farms at a lower cost, and many are not exactly the model citizens that the Sensenbrenner Immigration Control Act might envision.

#2: Plano, Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's adopted hometown, is full of illegal Mexican immigrants (at least, that's what the rumors have said for years).

So this begs the question: Why does Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert hate property owning, economic engine feeding people in Plano who happen to have a different skin color and first language?

Why would he rather send these people to prison, or to Mexico, to start their lives over again?

Doesn't he have enough of the pie, already?

Part of The New CNN.

If you're able to watch the ongoing live coverage CNN is currently running of the Iranian announcement that their nuclear energy program has now achieved enrichment of uranium, you should watch.

The coverage -- especially when you consider what CNN daytime programming has come from in just a couple of years -- is simply superb.

Another thing that's just taken place in the coverage is the dancing, shouting group in tribal costume that's moved on-stage to hail the latest development in the nuclear energy/arms program.

If, for a moment, you're able to kind of remove yourself from your body and look down, you can see how our nation's own theocrats and Iran's are calling the shots.

Pretty scary shit.

Wish we had a down-to-earth local leader in Washington who could help moderate the tone. We just don't have one, though.

The Little Blog Report.

It's true. Sometimes all you need to do is point out to someone that they've been jerking off at work in order to get them to stop it. Such is the case with the "Speaker's Journal" blog, which I wrote about here on March 29.

Lo! and Behold! Thus Spaketh The Speaker's Ghost Writer on March 31!

And so it goes. Another piss-poor, I-can-see-exactly-what-you're-up-to propaganda mill churns anew.

Rife with invective, the latest post reads like an extended press release. The theme: The GOP is mature and knows what Americans want; the Democrat party is weak, doesn't understand national security issues, and must often be referred to as "the other side."

Incredible.

Think about this: this is the tone representing the largest legislative body in our government.

Now stop jerking each other off and get the hell back to work.

The GOP H8s Voters.

This is shocking, while at the same time, not at all surprising.

Does that make sense? How about this: Everything old (Nixon, anyone?) is new again.

Why does this White House and all of its followers hate voters so much that they would do this?

And what do the leaders of Congress have to say? This, from the latest joint press conference with Fristy Hastert, a statement on the GOP scheme to rig elections with dirty tricks.

Back to Work!

Good thing I'm not in the news business. I would have spent all day at the saloon!

What a dreadful news day. Get a load of these headlines.

Oil Climbs $1, Keeps Record In Sight

Bush: Iran Attack Talk "Wild Speculation"

Group Burns Mexican Flag, Plans On Igniting More

Hastert Resigns, Gives Congress to Democrats

OK. That last one would have been good news, and was fantasy, related to my travels last week.

Ah... Perchance to dream...

Return to Madness.

While most people these days leave work for a week, only to return to the madness of the pace of work, I have the added benefit of returning to this crazy shit today.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about these guys knows that they want to sound like they're crazy right out of the gate. Perhaps, however, we could hear from some Congressional voices... Dunno... Maybe the Speaker of the House... on applying some moderation to the drumbeat to war?

Hello? Anybody in that size 78 suit?

Scooter's Prosecutor: Bush Authorized Leak.

Holy Jeepers. I may stay inside today just to watch how this unfolds.

Patriot Games.

If it's Thursday, you must have read Gene Lyons by this time.

Jonah Goldberg should stuff a Little Green Football in his doughy pantleg.

Oh, For Chrissakes...

Pardon me while I'm out. I'm already incoherent to my friends who are here with me.

WTF is this???

Why is this even a news story? Are we that scared?

Katie Couric Thoughts.

Come, now. Can we do better than "Perky" to anchor the CBS Evening News?

I thought so, until waking up this afternoon (sorry) for the news that Katie Couric (once described as "perky," but probably best described today as a mannish-looking woman with a woman's voice) is joining CBS to anchor the evening news broadcast beginning in May.

Gosh. I'm not sure who the loser is, here? What do you think?

CNN, as I've pointed out elsewhere, has the most capable stable of anchors and reporters for anyone interested in real news coverage. I just can't wait from them to stop feeding us the "Situation Room" sense of urgency, and Paula Zahn.

That's all! I'm on vacation, God Damn It!

DeLay: World Class Pussy.

If this is not the classic case of a man who can't stand a dose of his own medicine, I don't know what that would be.

"Liberal Democrats" made it too hard. Ohhh. Sorry. What a pussy.

This is what happens when you put political party over everything else in the world.

50MO Mentum.

50 Miles out has reached the 10K milestone.

The vaunted 10K. Ten thousand visitors since, um... I think last July. I'm honored by your presence here, and by your enthusiasm. The biggest honor is your desire or willingness to keep coming back.

Thanks to everyone stopping by for the feel-good.

I'm on a much-deserved vacation this week, so I apologize for the absence.

Now that I've found a connection, I'll be posting about the sunny beaches from my sunny beach!

DeLay Will Quit.

Quitting the race, NBC reports tonight.

Good riddance, you little buggar.

Fristy Hastert Hates Military Memorials.

There you have it. The headline has all the deserved O'Reilly Spin to it.

Why does Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert hide from requests to honor our fallen soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan?

DeLay House of Cards Begins Its Tumble.

Beyond the guilty plea, notice the part about cooperation.

Oops! I think someone stepped on your dick, Tommy Boy.

Hastert's Drumbeat Press Operation.

The Drum beats...

Republicans good...

Democrats bad...

Ugh! College good! Democrats bad!

There simply is no end to the depths Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert will stoop to in making the Speaker's office just another operation of the RNC.

What a pathetic waste of taxpayer dollars.

Tell Two Friends.

You know that old line, "tell two friends to tell two friends..."

50 Miles Out is nearing an important milestone, and daily reads are consistently growing.

Frankly, I can't believe it. But please help keep the numbers up. Regardless of whether or not you like what you read here, I want you to think. And it appears many of you are coming back every day, thinking about what I've written, and you all keep coming back.

I love that. Keep stopping by, and tell two friends. At work or at home, 50 Miles Out attempts to keep you up-to-date, and chuckling at the worst U.S. House Speaker in history.

And I've got plenty more stuff to share with you.

Hastert's Congressional Genocide Caucus.

Guess maybe they were for genocide before they were against it.

Now they're for it again.

THE CONGRESSIONAL GENOCIDE CAUCUS: Earlier this month, the House approved $173 million in funds for the African Union's (AU) modest peacekeeping force in Darfur, $50 million more than President Bush requested in his FY06 budget. Unlike previous votes on Darfur, however, which were mostly symbolic and which passed with overwhelming support, the recent House vote actually garnered significant opposition from conservatives.

Notice in the role call that Boehner, Blunt, Hyde, Biggert, Johnson, Manzullo, LaHood, Shimkus, Weller, all voted against the measure.

So it appears that all of the Republicans in the Illinois Congressional delegation are against adequately funding the African Union's peacekeepers.

How do you run from this, Denny?

The Little Blog That Wasn't.

I guess no one has advised Ron Bonjean to update the "Speaker's Journal" feature on Hastert's website.

Remember, Bonjean was quick to lie about the 80,000 visitors Hastert's blog captured during the first week of its existence (a laughable proposition). If that's really the case (not that he lied about it -- we know that much), there's no excuse for the stagnant state of the Speaker's Journal. Gosh. There's probably been enough going on in D.C. to blog about since January 19, the date of the last entry.

There's an unwritten rule among bloggers, Ronny Boy. If you can't think of anything for two months, hang it up.

Hastert Shows His Yellow Stripes.

It's pretty telling when there's a national debate going on over border security (and national security, in general) and you're the last to comment.

That's pretty much what happened today when the pretend "Speaker" issued this statement about the Senate measures to promote border security, the House approach, and of course, how wrong the Democrats are. About everything.

But that's the approach you have to take when you're a chicken. And when you're a follower, whose Leader is gone, under indictment.

How Greedy Can One Person Be?

Ask Paul McCartney.

What a bastard. As if he really needs to sue for financial damages.

Want Good Journalism?

Ironically, look to the east. Like the Mother Land, Great Britain.

This lede from the BBC nails it like no one else can.

Disgraced former US lobbyist Jack Abramoff has been jailed for nearly six years for conspiracy and fraud.

Now, why in the world we have to go to Tabloid Land to get clear language like that is beyond me.

Cooper, King, Roberts.

Damn. First time I've seen these three men on a live spot together.

Damn.

CNN has begun to finally transform. If you don't watch Anderson Cooper at night, you're missing some very good programming. I hope he can keep it up.

Watch for John Roberts to knock off Paula Zahn's useless gabfest.

Maybe Paula will have to actually start working for a change. I had high hopes for her when she landed on her feet at CNN, running, during 9/11.

CNN's ability to grab Roberts gives them real, credible anchor potential that they haven't had since the venerable Bernie Shaw.

Damn.

Hastert Statement On Evans Is Telling.

Take a look at the statement from Hastert on 24-year Congressman Lane Evans's surprise announcement today that he is retiring at the end of his term, after battling Parkinson's Disease for eight years.

Without much reading between the lines, you can see the anticipation, the hope for Andrea Zinga's election in the fall, the short and sweet "good riddance" to another Democrat "on the other side."

For those of you who have not seen Andrea Zinga in action, and think Jean Schmidt of Ohio the only member of the FCB Coalition in the House, think again. Zinga is one FCB, and now she's even closer to a House seat than any God-fearing Democrat would like.

Please, please come up with a good replacement for Evans.

Doesn't Change Anything.

Anyone who thinks the shakeup at the White House today means anything at all should check themselves into the brain injury clinic immediately.

Picking another insider to follow Card is like Hastert trading staff with DeLay, Lott, Blunt, etc.

How very clubby it all is.

Ah, Paris In Springtime...

Well, actually, it's sort of more like Tianenmen Square all over again.

Keep your eyes peeled on this one, kids.

The French government really stepped on its weenie on this one.

George Washington U has an excellent piece on Tianenmen.

Another Indicted Felon Dead.

Reagan era relic, hawk, and indicted co-conspirator of the Iran-Contra deal (and fellow traitor of Ollie North) Caspar Weinberger is Dead.

Thanks to Weinberger's wisdom and sage advice, we're no longer waging war in Iraq.

No, wait a second...

GAO Undercover.

Thank God for the GAO.

Oh, yeah. You're not a bit safer than you were before "9/11 changed everything."

How does Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert explain all of this? His Congress is supposed to provide the oversight for spending, then follow up on the processes their approved expenditures create.

Moussaoui Confesses.

"I Was Easter Bunny." Courtroom drama brings gasps from juror, gallery.

White House responds to terror suspect's further admissions that he killed Santa Claus and buried the Lindbergh baby.

"Nineteenth Hijacker" also said he knows the whereabouts of O.J. Simpson's "other gloves" and was the one who dined at McDonald's with Kato Kaelin the night of murders, not O.J.

Further tesitmony (below) causes stymies baffled Justice Department lawyers, causes additional courtroom furor:

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like lucy in the sky, see how they run.
I’m crying, I’m crying.
I’m crying, I’m crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don’t come, you get a tan
From standing in the english rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don’t you thing the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I’m crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.
Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob g’goo.

Why Is It Worse When It's White Collar?

As the television droned on a few minutes ago, I caught the CNN reporter saying "terribly difficult decision" and "tuned in." She was talking about GM cutting seven percent of its white collar workforce after losing billions of dollars last year.

So why is this so terrible? I don't remember it being such a "terribly difficult decision" when tens of thousands of blue-collar union workers were eliminated, largely because GM and Delphi wanted to get the wage levels down.

Who was responsible for the dumb designs, the overmarketing of inferior products, or price point decisions that didn't go over well with the consuming public?

It wasn't the union employees, who GM has finally agreed to provide with a decent severance package, rather than the wholesale layoff that was originally planned.

Other industries have shed as many employees as GM is now cutting back in its non-union management and administrative posts. And those moves were largely to shore up sagging profits, not billions in losses.

Build a better God-Damned car, focus on what we need (not the big fucking gas guzzlers the Moron Contingent wants), and hit the price point. I'll take my commission in Euros, thank you.

Had Enough?

Normally, when I see Newt Gingrich quoted somewhere, or see his demonic presence on television, my immediate reaction (once I get over the shock) is to ask when this over-educated idiot crawled out from under his rock.

Today, I was surprised to read this Time piece, in which Gingrich surmises that Democrats could win back the House today, simply by using this simple two-word slogan.

Heh.

They Just Love to Fuck With Jobs.

Years ago, a good friend in the Securities industry described how Wall Street analysts and their ilk like to "play the game."

"They just like to fuck with people," she said, matter-of-fact-like.

And boy, was she right. Once you hear that, and learn to understand and appreciate it, a lot of things in the world begin to make sense.

So today, when I saw this piece by Wall Street shouter and MSNBC maniac, Jim Cramer, I began to see why my Apple stock has been tumbling the past few weeks.

Wall Street just loves to fuck with Steve Jobs, it seems. Boy, is that too bad. Apple has the world holding its breath half the time these days waiting for the "next big thing." And it just keeps delivering.

If I had the money lying around right now, I believe I'd be throwing it at AAPL while things are on the low side.

Disclaimer: I am not involved in any way in the Securities industry, and this is not a recommendation to buy or sell a particular stock...

Will Hastert Fall to Boehner's Weak "Reform?"

Good question. One thing we should acknowledge is that Hastert is not going to take the fall for a failure to reform, here in his own district. Ain't gonna happen.

I've said before that Republicans and the RNC will protect Hastert like linebackers covering the first girl quarterback in the NFL.

It's a coin toss whether or not Boehner's idea of reform (which is to say, do nothing) will win over. And Hastert's ideas (not original thoughts, I assure you) won't even come close to fixing a monumental problem that Hastert himself is too blind to see.

You all (house.gov types dropping in today) might benefit by reading this from Bob Schiefer. I mean, I know you all have nothing but contempt for a free press, but take it for what it's worth.

Having the Proper Response.

It's so important, you know, having the proper response to any argument. But once and for all, it's time for Democrats to cinch up their nuts and get a response to such idiotic blanket statements such as, "The Democrats have no plan..."

And while Sens. Arlan Specter and Tom Tancredo are eating each other over immigration and amnesty issues (which is just fine with me, although I like Specter), Democrats wisely lay in wait.

The only statements to the press that I've read are from Sen. Kennedy, who correctly pointed out that we've spent $20 billion over the past 10 years alone on chains, fences and other programs that didn't work.

But what is the proper response?

It starts with the standing of Democrats in the House, which is now a dozen year-old phenomenon. They have no voice. Republicans, now more than ever, are committed to seeing little, if anything at all, ever come out of the Democratic caucus and onto the floor for debate.

In the Senate, you've got the same thing going on with Fristy. He simply does not allow Democratic voices to be heard.

So, in short, the proper response is, "We have plans and we have voices. But the Republicans who control the Legislative Branch -- both houses of Congress -- won't allow us to get our message to you. So here we are..."

Remember that next time the RNC pulls a stunt such as belittling a very qualified black man in Tennessee who wants to become Senator there, by creating a website that refers to him as "Fancy" (a racially charged term in the South) and points to how much he spends on a hotel room in the big city. And all the while, the RNC does not promote a reasonable point of view.

Remember that the next time the RNC sends out a mailing that says Democrats will "ban the Bible" if they regain power.

Remember that the next time Fristy stands in front of the camera with that silly, wholly inappropriate little grin on his goofy face.

Remember that when Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert has Republican Congressmen stand in front of a gas station to shill for an energy bill that lines the pockets of campaign donors, while cynically claiming it's the first step to lowering gas prices, and does nothing but the former while increasing dependence on gasoline and oil.

Remember how Hastert reluctantly promoted "reform" in Congress years after taking the helm -- and millions in contributions from his own fat-cat donors -- and ended up the head of a Congressional party that elected a scumbag, back-slapping, ethically challenged guy like John Boehner to be at his right hand.

Remember that when guys like Rush Limbaugh, who has been married and divorced three times, a publicly admitted drug addict, goes on and on about how gay marriage will ruin the institution of marriage, and that drug traffickers should be executed.

Remember that when Hastert implies that a billionaire who supports Democrats may be involved in overseas drug trafficking, while he has made a career of hiding drug charges and DUIs within his own family.

There's your response.

Tilting at Windmills.

There's a big windmill at the Fabyan Park Museum in Geneva. Every time I see it, I think of my school days and all of the musicals we put on.

These lyrics seem appropriate today.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Headed to the 'Mill today.

Hastert Wins Two County Board Seats.

Now, don't get all silly about how it's a good thing (since his ass is so big, you know, he needs two). I've given this news story about the Republican race on the Kendall County Board some thought. I don't think there's anything more pathetic than what's going on here.

If you can't exactly read between the lines, here it is for you in detail.

The Speaker of the House actually felt he had to get involved in countywide politics in this Primary race in order to get his favorites elected. He's done it before, of course, and has had the same mixed results he had this go 'round.

But now it's different. Hastert, it's widely known, went against the wishes of Mrs. Hastert years ago by serving more than one term as Speaker. Now, it's pretty clear that he'll retire at the end of this term and turn the entire, gigantic mess he and Gingrich-DeLay-Bush-Fristy have created over to someone else (Tommy Cross, hint, hint).

So it appears now that Hastert has nothing better to do with his time during Primary season than shill for little Boy and his county board team. Well, think about it.

His two candidates, Martin and Purcell, were and are avid supporters of his highway plan, which will eventually mean big money for him and his monied backers, as soon as they pull the covers off the land trusts they've invested in along the route of the highway plan.

Now, that's pathetic.

Friday Night Cock Pictures.

You all know the drill. You have a couple of drinks with friends early on Friday afternoon. Next thing you know, you've got people taking and sharing pictures like this. This big black one is magnificent.

And look at the bright red color on this one.

I Hate Bob Dole.

And so I hate quoting him when I ask, "Where is the outrage?"

What does it really take to get Americans so pissed off, that they do something about another American's problems?

This particular picture was taken a full three months after about 200 that a friend of mine shot in the New Orleans area. It's absolutely shocking that nothing has taken place in this amount of time.

This, however, is encouraging news that should make you feel better about things: Hurricane Season begins June 1, just a bit more than 60 days from now.

Support Common Ground.

I love Anderson Cooper's show. I love Anderson Cooper for his moxie in getting down to NOLA and sticking it in our faces.

We should see this every single night until it does some God-Damned good.

As a nation, we should direct our outrage at our "leaders" and ask them why New Orleans has been so horribly abandoned.

Visit Common Ground, the organization that has sent droves of college students to NOLA, volunteering to do the awful tear-down work.

Pet Owners! If you're not outraged at what's been happening in New Orleans, please click on this link for further shock value.

This is not the America I once knew.

Question of the Day.

Why does Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert hate children, public schools, and national forests?

If he signs onto Bush's screwy idea (the Post-Dispatch called it "hare-brained") somebody had better ask him.

It's a serious question.

(Update: link's fixed. Thanks Pastor Evil)

Kane County Dem Precinct Committeemen.

Steve Aldrich has been making lots of noise at Soapblox/Chicago, but there's not a whole lot to show for it in the Kane County votes. That's not a knock on Steve; just a simple observation of the facts.

With his avid support of the duly-elected challenger to Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert in the November election, I thought maybe there was a groundswell of support for Democrats up in Kane that was not registering on my political sliderule.

Overall, Kane County has a better than 50% vacancy rate (way more, actually, but I've had to be judicious with my time) among Democratic precinct committeemen, and none of the numbers are out of double digits.

In fact, the highest God-Damned vote-getter for PC was one with 87 votes. That's not very much God-Damned better than in Kendall County, where Primary election voting was, overall, a big joke.

Similar to Kendall, Kane County Republican PCs garnered votes in triple digits throughout the county. There are also plenty of vacancies there, as well, but the numbers speak for themselves.

There's a long way to go for Democrats in Kendall County. And Kane County, as well.

Democratic PCs in Kendall County.

My understanding of Precinct Committeemen is that they are the "ward bosses" of each individual precinct.

And the number of votes PCs garner in each precinct are the root level of our party system. Each vote is akin to a delegate vote at a convention.

At the township level, each township boss is elected based on the number of PCs he/she can swing. After that, the county chairman is elected based on the number of votes (or delegates, if that helps) each PC has.

Hence, a PC with 12 votes is rather weak compared to one with 112 (even one with 40 votes) when it comes time to elect countywide party officers.

With the vote totals I've already gone over, it would be a total waste of my time and yours to go into the math. It's pretty awful news. Quite awful.

Where, among all Republican PCs in Kendall received a minimum of 87 votes, and in the highest vote precinct, 320 votes to become PC, Democratic party totals are all lower than the minimum number of 87 it took to elect the "weakest" Republican PC.

Democrats elected their precinct committeemen with as few as 9 (nine) votes. The highest vote total for a Democratic precinct committeeman elected yesterday was 81.

Twelve Democrats voted for John Laesch to be their precinct committeeman, which means he would have very little voting power in the county organization, but could end up being a member of Congress. Hmmm.

There's no scale to judge these numbers, but I'm almost positive they are down quite a lot from previous totals. Why, would be anyone's guess, really.

There was a considerable delay in posting this one due to the fact that I spent a great deal of time looking for the 2004 Primary PC totals. If anyone reading this finds them (Sitemeter tells me there's been plenty of interest in the last couple posts) please post in comments or email them. I would be interested, as it seems to me the totals were much higher last couple times out.

The Undercurrent in the Kendall County Undervote.

You don't have to be a genius to figure this stuff out, but when you consider the large Moron Contingent right here in Kendall County, allow me to spell out what happened in Kendall County last night.

When it was over, there were 13,131 votes cast in the Republican Governor's race, which went to Oberweis in Kendall.

There were right around 1,000 undervotes in the Lt. Governor's race.

What was most telling (and allows me to put it all together) is the undervote for Hastert.

Of the 13,490 Republican votes cast yesterday, there were just over 12,000 cast for Heavy D. Forget the "write-ins." No Republican in Kendall County came out of the booth yesterday without voting for their "Coach." Not one.

So the write-ins were likely all crossover voters from the Dems, who likely only "walked across the line" up to foil Boy (which really didn't matter in the end). Ingemunson would have lost his race without the switchers.

You're looking at right around 1,500 Dem voters who meddled with Dallas Ingemunson's Boy, which was foolhearty.

Overall, the results are, well, pretty terrible for Democrats in Kendall County. And the poor showing is not at all likely the result of the former party leaders, who I'm told bowed out due to the Mary Flowers's poor health.

So let's look at the adjusted totals, once you factor in the switchers.

Out of 17,589 ballots cast (a pitiful 34% turnout), 13,490 (76.7%) were Republican ballots and a less-than-miserable 3,278 (18.6%) Democratic. Move the 1,500 switchers over and you have now barely achieved the 50MO Miserable Rating™: A Whopping 27.2% of the overall Primary voters were Democrats, compared to about 68% Republican.

Wow. Barely Miserable (26-32%) and not quite Pitiful (33-38%). The next level, btw, is Respectable (39-41%), which I don't think we're going to hit in the General election, unless Hastert is indicted for something (not likely).

So you can keep score at home, 42% gets you Telling, and 45% gets a Holy Jesus.

Now, one could easily make the assumption that the Democratic ballot did not present any clear, compelling reason for Democratic voters to get out yesterday. Not true.

The Laesch-Zamora race was reason enough, even if people made the assumption that Laesch was going to win because he actually had money for signs. And there was quite a bit of talk in the county about the two young men.

You can read the Beacon-News story about the other countywide races, neither of which were surprising. No need to hash that out here. Hastert stepped in for Ingemunson in that one, and the two Dems were unopposed. No one was contested in the other district, so it's not even worth the mention.

And what, pray tell, is left? Oh, the big stuff. The Vaunted Precinct Committeemen that Mr. Laesch and the Jim Birch Society worked so hard to put together (that was a joke).

More to come.

Buh-Bye, Buh-Boy.

Boy Ingemunson, wiped out in a misguided, miscalculation of a race (if ever there was one).

Once again, I point to the Incredible Dallas Ingemunson Machine that has been built around a charming little old man, and say, "This is the best you've got?"

The Dallas Ingemunson era is over in Kendall County politics.

Tom Cross will be your new target.

That's a tip for Dems who are now at the helm, in case you're still sleeping off the watered down pitchers of beer from the Grande Olde John Laesch Vicktoriee Celebration.

Jim Birch Society? Hello? You barely got 3,000 votes last night. That's fewer than Dems received in the last primary, which no one can say was due to the Presidential race... It was already decided by the time the Primaries rolled around here.

Message From Ruben Zamora.

I don't think anyone should consider this the "final word" from Mr. Zamora.

The man has class. And moxie. And he's credible. That's a winning combination.

Dear Friends and Supporters,

I am grateful to so many of you that joined me on this fantastic trip called politics. Our campaign for Congress is over, but I want to leave you with a few thoughts.

I know that "WE are the ones WE have been waiting for." In the grand scheme of things, we took on a challenge (politics) that so many complain about but are unwilling to do much more than complain. They get on the blogs; talk tough, but not much more than that---tough "talk" is cheap.

With your help, we helped keep the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars on the front burner in this district. We formally came out for impeachment proceedings in a Batavia forum; we talked about Universal Healthcare everywhere; we spoke out for Peace and for bringing our troops home; and we reached out to a marginalized core Democratic base: Latinos and African-Americans. We succeeded in bringing these issues to a conservative district that needed to hear them and will now have to deal with them. I am so proud of my supporters. We are shaking things up.

Our work is still not done. I pledge to become more involved in true immigration reform by opposing the Sensenbrenner Bill, racist groups like the Minutemen and instead, support the Guttierrez and McCain/Kennedy Bills. I will continue to advocate ending hostilities in Iraq and Afghanistan. I will continue to oppose NCLB and fight for fully-funding education. I will continue to seek oil independence by supporting renewable energy sources. I will continue to fight for those who have given up hope. I am not done.

I will make myself available to groups who are fighting for these same issues, but know that I will first secure employment as a teacher, and will work to reintegrate stability and a sense of normalcy back to my family. I lost valuable time with my boys and Nadia running for office. They put on a courageous face, but it was hard. It was hard on all of us.

There were times when I could have gone “negative” against my opponent, but I refused to run a campaign that distracted from the issues. It didn’t seem a problem for him or his supporters, though. I am a man who accepts winning or losing. I lost. I extend my congratulations to John. I will not participate in politics in the near future. I need to concentrate on my family.

I want to thank so many people, and please know that I do not mean to leave anyone out. My team was up to the task; it just didn’t pan out. I apologize if I let them down.

This race is dedicated to the people of this district and the younger generations who will take leadership positions in the future. My “sage” advice: Be true to yourself. Be yourself. Fight for others as if your life is in the balance; and when you fight, fight like Hell!!

Thanks to all of you. I will continue to be voice, a passionate voice, for those in need. I am so grateful, once again, for your prayers, your contributions, your votes, and most importantly your trust. I hope I will continue to have your trust, prayers, and friendship.

Sincerely,

Ruben

Classy. That's a superlative message from a man who was backed into a corner and fought back with everything.

Unfortunately, everything included all of his cash, which led to his defeat.

Best wishes to a classy young man with a very bright future.

Nearly 36% of Kendall Has Reported.

And Boy Ingemunson is getting his Royal Arse kicked, 62-38%. Here's hoping it continues.

Here are voting results for Kendall County, as they come in.

Zamora, unfortunately, is getting killed in Laesch's home county.

Why Oversight Is So Vitally Important.

If this story does not shock you into some level of rage, you should have someone take your pulse.

And who would one blame for such a horrible lack of funding, stategic planning and oversight?

Hint: Think 300 pounds, red face, always pushing his glasses up... Well here's a clip to remind you. (Warning: Get several drinks lined up. This will be the longest 41 minutes of your life if you watch and listen to the whole clip.)

But who else is to blame?

These fine "folks" should all line up in single file for the honors on this one:
The House Ways and Means Committee
The House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence
The House Homeland Security Committee
The House Committee on Appropriations

Why four years after 9/11/01 we don't have an adequate, secure information infrastructure for FBI and CIA is a question that has no reasonable answer.

We can, however, all agree that it's nothing short of criminal negligence.

Kendall County Voting Results.

And some predictions. Here is a handy link to the voting results for Kendall County, which presumably will be updated "live" via the new opti-scan system.

I won't predict any winners here, since that might color the outcome of the vote. Since there's no polling being done, I employed a highly scientific method this morning before and after I voted.

I noticed several people who I know are Democrats (or at least vote like they are) are sporting R candidate stickers. This is an observation I've made a number of times in recent weeks. A couple of "canned" trips to the gas station this morning to strike up conversation with people with certain bumper stickers cemented my notion in fact.

What I'm predicting is a heavier than normal switch, or crossover, vote from Democrats, who may feel they have nothing lose in doing so. Democrats will be voting for Oberweis (because Blagojevich can easily eat the weight of his hair in Oberweis) and others they would rather see on the November ballot (for various reasons).

I abhor switch-voting because it's purely cynical, not honest. Now, that's rich coming from such a cynic, but I prefer total candor at the ballot box, thank you very much.

But that's the problem with our current primary ballot system in Illinois.

Election reform. Boy. I dunno.

I'll provide the complete analysis this evening when we have the totals.

One other observation was that even though the process would seem easier, a certain comfort level... or something... was missing, as it seemed to take voters in my polling place much longer than normal to vote. Just an observation, but I have written on this topic before.

Fire "Mike" Chertoff.

Once and for all, let's stop asking ourselves the same question over and over, such as, "why hasn't this asshole been fired?!"

These morons don't fire anybody. They're loyal to one another. They're all going to get together after The Rapture and roast kneecaps over the Lake Of Fire.

Just start saying it over and over. Fire Michael Chertoff. Waiting for someone else to get the job of security done, then criticizing it is not what I expect from the largest governmental agency ever created in the history of mankind.

Denny Hastert's America.

It's one where the President goes before the public and asks us to look beyond the bloodshed and suffering in Iraq toward the day when everything will be rosey-posey.

I'm paraphrasing. But I find it interesting that the phrase "look beyond the bloodshed" has been used over and over in the past several days to describe the latest iteration of the same old message.

In Denny Hastert's America, the President says things like, "I think in Iraq there are three types of folks that are trying to stop democracy," because he thinks all people are "folks."

They're not folks. He called the pilots on 9/11 "folks" at one point, too.

Just remember, America: Folks want freedom. Just look beyond the bloodshed.

Why Not John Laesch?

Eddie waited til' he finished high school
He went to Hollywood, got a tattoo
He met a girl out there with a tattoo too
The future was wide open

Great song. I heard it a couple weeks ago after having a stormy conversation with a friend who wanted to vote for Ruben Zamora, but said she thought Laesch was a better campaigner.

It really resonates.

Honestly, though I have not seen or met John Laesch, I'm pretty sure he's not a better anything than Ruben Zamora.

Above all, he's a sneakly little bastard that attempted to thwart his rival's campaign by smearing him with false accusations of forgery on his petitions.

Being sneaky is one thing. Come, now. Remember when you first started smoking?

Being a liar is another. But we've all told those little lies that don't matter, haven't we?

There is a big difference here. And while I've been accused of making a mountain out of this, but that's not true. The mountain is there through the fog of a young candidate who pleads with you to believe in him.

What Laesch and other so-called "Progressives" have done is beyond anything I've seen in regional Dem politics in a very long time. They're supposedly kicking out moribund or lackluster Democratic leadership to supplant their own. OK, little cowboy. One job at a time.

First, let's talk about the comments Laesch made recently in his Kos Diary about outgoing Kendall Dem Party Chair, Martin Flowers:

Here in Kendall County, I have been working with the local Progressive Democratic Council to overthrow the stagnant Democratic Party. We have recruited 42 Precinct Committeemen and the Republicans only have 41. A strong structure will be essential to defeating Dennis Hastert.

Well, that's pretty clear. Overthrow is such a strong word. No one could misunderstand that. But here's more lying, too.

John Laesch and the Jim Birch Society have not "recruited 42 PCs." A peek at the current list of Kendall County Dem Precinct Committeemen shows there are 30 currently serving. When you consider the fact that the Jim Birch Society and John Laesch had 11 of those PC candidates thrown off the ballot, it would seem rather impossible that they "recruited 42."

There are exactly 42 listed on the ballot. That's correct. But many of the current PCs, exluding Tom Brophy, Jim Birch (of Society fame), Jack Sechrest, Democratic Party Traitor Jim Feeley, are still on the ballot.

While the Jim Birch Society posted a small net gain for the party in terms of presenting Precinct Committeemen for the ballot, an admirable feat for any political fringe faction, let's see if they have what it takes to get people elected. And let's see if those PCs are credible.

To date, not one person has been in my neighborhood representing Dems, and there's not a single Dem sign for at least a square mile.

As for the misguided notion that the leadership in Kendall was off-track, anyone who has watched as long as I have noticed that the party was growing right along with the Dem population in the county. It's growth depended on that. And it will grow, but so will divide between the factions. All the work the Flowers family members did in the last decade-plus is gone.

So, I guess my answer is no, I don't buy the party organizer schtick the little pisher has neatly inserted into his lingo.

Another thing. I've had more than one friend confirm for me that John Laesch told them or others in 2004, while working for the Kucinich for President campaign, that he (Laesch) was ex-CIA.

What a small world. Especially since John Pavich, who is running in CD 11, is a former CIA officer. Apparently when you mention that it has a positive effect these days. I hadn't really noticed until Laesch lied about being one. When confronted by this during a "live blog event" Laesch backed way away from it. In other words, he was caught. And he lied about it again.

Then came the petitions challenge. Laesch lied about that, too. One would think that his Christian upbringing, or his work with the "faith-based community" might cause his conscience to creep up on the lying that's taking place. Not Johnny.

The papers said Ed always played from the heart
He got an agent and a roadie named Bart
They made a record and it went in the chart
The sky was the limit

Next came the shotgun effect caused by his roadie, Bart his campaign manager, Clint Raulsten, who was about as good with the public as VD on an ugly whore. That's pretty bad, if that's over your heads, Progressives. Clint lied about the whole petition challenge with such detail and precision that he might as well have admitted every detail.

It wasn't a crime, after all, challenging petitions. I have no real problem with that. John Laesch apparently just had trouble understanding that a lot of older men sign their names in all caps (which is acceptable under election laws). When he saw it, he freaked out (read: saw an opening) and cried foul (read: accused his opponent of breaking the law) in a very above-board (malicious) way.

He's a pisher. A sneaky little bastard. Every pisher I ever knew was Laesch's type. They talk about their ties to their "faith" then they bend you over and sodomize you. I'm already getting sodomized by Denny Hastert and his people. How about something new for a change?

But when Laesch and Raulsten were confronted during this "live blog event" they both lied. Later, Laesch came back and admitted that his hothead campaign manager lied, then used some faith-based language to offer support to his fellow liar, then simply stated he wouldn't do anything about it.

Fired or otherwise, Raulsten moved on to another campaign not long after the blog debacle. Not a word from Laesch.

I was encouraged the first time I heard John Laesch on the radio (I think it was Mike Malloy's show). He sounded pretty sharp. But I have lived a life that has taught me that sounding sharp and being sharp are two different things, and that goes for a large chunk of Americana. John Laesch is in that chunk.

Into the great wide open
Under them skies of blue
Out in the great wide open
A rebel without a clue

So when John Laesch is defeated in the primary and we don't have to hear him trying to articulate positions he clearly does not understand, I'll be happy. You'll be happy, in the end.

Or, if Laesch's two days of campaigning (the signs went out over the weekend by the hundreds, it looks like) actually work, I'll quietly go on blogging about how incredibly fucked up things are in Denny Hastert's America. And not say another word about Laesch. Hastert's Goons will take care of that.

Why Ruben Zamora.

I am not disinclined to be an undervote. That's a ballot that has no mark or impression for any candidate in a given race.

There have plenty of times in the past where I just couldn't stand to vote for a name I never heard of, or one belonging to a terrible campaigner, just because the name had a "D" next to it.

Prior to the last election cycle, when a skinny young teacher put his life on hold to run for Congress because he couldn't stand to see Denny Hastert unopposed in the General election, I probably had skipped over 8 or 10 candidates.

That story about Ruben Zamora got my attention in 2004. I went to see him. I listened to his message. I liked him.

I feel pretty comfortable voting for Ruben Zamora again on Tuesday.

Into The Great Wide Open.

John Laesch is about to head into the Great Wide Open. That is to say, he'll either win in the primary against Ruben Zamora tomorrow (a race he personally attempted to squelch by challenging Zamora's petition signatures) and get completely run over by Hastert's Goon Squad, or he'll lose tomorrow, and we'll never hear from the kid again.

Either way, I've decided tonight is the last I'll write about this delusional figure. Unless he actually wins in the Fall. Heh.

As the Tonight Show used to say, More To Come...

Glad We Have Our Priorities Straight.

I'm often amazed when I see the order applied to these newsfeeds that generate the priority of Netscape and Google online headlines.

I'm really happy for Paul Tagliabue, however, I've also been following the Cyclone Larry story and it's been a tad more important today than anything else I've seen.

Such as the story of a guy who's going to retire with millions laid at his feet for supporting an entertainment venue.

Come, now.

Abu Ghraib Dog Handler Wins Westminster.

Wow! Talk about dumb luck.

Isn't it interesting that the American Kennel Club has had absolutely nothing to say about the alleged use of dogs to torture prisoners? I didn't know that was what German Shepherds were supposed to do for the police...

Oh, well. Cool!

Denny has fat Yellow Labradors, by the way, in case anyone was wondering what kind of dogs a churlish, fat man would own.

Not Very Smart...

This should give Kendall County and 14th District voters a pretty good look at the inner workings of the the Great Dallas Ingemunson Machine that created Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert.

And while it's rather gauche of me to recite last week's news to you at this point, there were some pretty funny items in the mail and in the news this past week in Kendall County. (Sorry it didn't headline here earlier, but I've just been too damn busy).

I've previously mentioned the mail piece in which Boy condemns his opponent in the State's Attorney race, Kendall County State's Attorney Eric Weis, for accepting a $1,000 donation from a "landfill developer."

I won't beat that issue any further, but it's rich, since Boy's collections for this primary race have been approaching the obscene amount of nearly $200,000 from his father's cronies and a long line of deep pockets outside the county.

First, was the mailing I received from the Boy Ingemunson campaign. On the face was the "tough guy" image of Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert with the headline "You can judge a person by the company they keep."

Oh, my. I'll get back to that in a moment, because there's a better one.

This was an item in The Record, the Kendall County newspaper, that mentions "Big Jim" Thompson is out stumping for Boy:

Thompson's appearance was likely the first time a former Illinois governor appeared at a fundraising event for a candidate for county office.
...
...Ingemunson said he met Thompson "when I was a youngster" and subsequently met him at vairous political events.

"We had dinner last summer, and he was interested in helping out with my campaign," Ingemunson said. "He wanted to come out to an event here to help created some awareness for some issues, and that's basically how it came about."

I wonder if those issues included white collar crime? Thompson, you may recall, could be in big trouble for his role in the Hollinger Board scandal that already has that company's two top executives under indictment and facing long jail terms.

If I were running my son's campaign, I'm not sure I'd want to have a former governor under investigation by the SEC for overseeing an audit committee that performed such as Thompson's did with Hollinger.

As for judging people by the company they keep, putting Hastert's big face on a flyer with that slogan these days is like having it read:
"Hi. I was giving Tom DeLay a handjob in his hottub in Houston while Roy Blunt was on the phone with his girlfriend, who was arranging for tobacco money to be handed out on the House floor by John Boehner, and Dick Cheney was shooting some friend of his in the face... if you know what I mean... and the President was re-enacting his favorite blood orgey scene from Caligula out in the pool. Vote for Boy."

Hastert's Quiet, Backroom Reforms...

Are largely still quiet. And judging from the press they've received so far, they're still closed-door, backroom deals.

The comical quotes in this article are simply voluminous! This is great:

The recommendations will ``sustain the integrity of the Congress as we move forward,'' House Speaker Dennis Hastert said at a news confernece. (sic)

A little late for the "sustain" part, aren't we, Denny?

Of course, all in all, whatever the Rs unveil will be nonsensical bullshit, which has become the hallmark of Congressional oversight and reform since Gingrich-DeLay-Hastert overthrew the Democracy in 1995.

Nothing at all will come from any temporary measures, such as the temporary ban on privately funded travel Hastert and the Wrecking Crew talked about today.

Real reform is going to mean tracking every dollar and matching it with a name, banning privately funded travel and the other perks that have become well-known in D.C. circles. And kicking these motherfuckers out of the House for good.

Putting some of these in jail would go a little ways, too.

Rice Hoping to Bring Back Bolivian Coca.

What an idiot.

And So It Goes.

Denny Hastert keeps spinning the old revolving door by hiring Heidi Armstrong as his deputy press secretary.

From college to Fox to government mouthpiece.

Anybody keeping track of which shell the pea is under?

NEWS FLASH: AP

AP has apparently grown back one of its testacles, lost during the Reagan administration.

Now suing DOD for Gitmo papers.

Good job.

You're about six years behind on these fuckers, but good job.

You Are Feeling Sleepy...

What's the stuff they put in turkey? No, not the Turkey that paid off our House Speaker in illegal campaign contributions... I'm talking about the bird.

I'm pretty wiped out after a turkey feast. Now stop poking fun at Denny Hastert's illegal foreign national contributions to pay for his pulling legislation from the House floor!

I roasted a turkey with all the trimmings, made the gravy and real potatoes and asparagus and everything. A nice complementary chardonnay was right alongside.

So all I have in this post is that Karie at K3 Kindling an K3 Voices has ditched Blogger for Soapblox.

I'm not as adventurous, at least not yet. Then again, I've had my hands full with thawing ritual, the old salmonella rinsing, roasting, basting. etc.

Visit Karie at her new spiffy home at LiberIL View.

I've got to say, drunk on turkey drugs or not, that's a great name; at least 10 times better than any of the ones I tried to concoct for her. I'l updated the blogroll when I'm not dangerous.

Boy Ingemunson Campaign Gets Ugly.

It's hard to imagine the campaign of Dallas Ingemunson's Boy getting uglier than the candidate, but here we are.

I usually hold onto my junk mail and the weekly local paper for weekend reading.

BOY, did I get an eyeful.

Among the outrageous claims was a flyer from the campaign that accuses the current Assistant SA, Eric Weis (and Boy's Primary opponent) of a "conflict of interest," by taking campaign contributions from one of the developers vying for the pending Kendall County landfill project.

That's rich, coming from a guy who has raised tens of thousands of dollars from outside special interests, including his father's powerful friends.

Of course, there's no connection to either candidate's money trail...

Right.

Denny, Take A Clue From Faith Hill.

If Faith Hill says "Bullshit" in front of reporters, it must be bullshit.

Everyone knows how much you like to hide behind the image of your favorite Country & Western stars, because they're all "Red-Blooded, Flag-Waving Americans," right, Denny?

Read this and tell me the C&W is going to stay with your incompetent, government-hating "leadership" in November.

... What's that I hear?

Oh! It's the Congress turning over to Democrats, who will spare no effort to help fellow Americans.

If You Love Garbage...

And landfills, you'll love this meeting. ALL Kendall County residents should make a point to attend.

Kendall County is hold a public meeting to discuss plans for a landfill southeast of Yorkville.

Please plan to attend the following meeting, and send me info if you do:

Monday, March 20
7:00 PM-9:00 PM
Cross Evangelical Lutheran Church
Yorkville

If you are not aware, Kendall County is building homes on top of some the finest farmland in the world. Farmers are getting poor and tired. They're selling out to developers because they're just tired of being fucked over.

Please attend if you can.

Gale Norton Will Resign.

Ah, a spot of good news for a change.

I'm surprised that we didn't announce this at 8 p.m. tonight (there's still time to make that bet).

Gale Norton, one of the worst examples of public service in the history of the republic, having sold the mining rights of public lands, ushered in higher limits of noise and air pollution at our national parks... Ah.

Well, Yah...but...

Duncan Hunter and others are bloviating freely about how "Americans should own and run those ports..."

Well. Yes, that's right. But it took these morons how long to come out with that "consensus," while doing a skillful job of keeping this story at the top of the heap?

Do you really think these fine fellows were going to put themselves in a position where we could say "they were against port security before they were for it!"??

Don't buy it. The latest word is that the ports will be turned over to a "private equity firm."

Hmmmm. Does "Carlyle Group" mean anything to you?

Cool! Another Record!

The U.S. trade deficit sets another new record, thanks to the leadership of our Republican-led Unified Government Branch.*

*The Unified Government, or "UG," is the new term for all branches of government under control of the Republican party.

Thank God! George W. Bush is our President! Thank Gog! Republicans (who just understand business better than Democrats, who always resort to "Socialism" to fix complex economic "problems" like the Great Depression) are in total control of our government and its economic policy!

Thank Gog! For our MBA President! Thank Gog! We'll finally be able to focus on things that really matter!

Like young girls getting knocked up and killing their babies.

April Fool's!

I just love breathlessly anticipated press releases and new product introductions.

That's why Microsoft's Really Big Announcement is like April Fool's Day three weeks ahead of schedule.

Can you say "Color Newton?"

Since I travel with a tablet PC that offers better performance, full size screen, longer battery life (um, and a couple other things that are real, and not Microsoft's current imaginary product line), I have one thing to say about this product:

You have got to be kidding me.

Is this supposed to cut into Apple's iPod success, or something?

Dubai Deal Dead?

Jesus! Who knows?

Look, it's taken Hastert's Appropriations Committee what... 2 weeks? 3 weeks to come up with this?

Somebody had better tell somebody:

We need a new Congress if it takes them that long to figure this one out.

Shhhhhhh!!!!

My question still is this: What the fuck has Karl Rove been doing during that time the press has been falling all over themselves on this Dubai Ports story?

Ask Chickenhawk Hastert.

Where are the Chickenhawks like Hastert and Cheney when these stories are written?

Ever notice the writers never seem to find the time to ask questions about the Pat Tillman fairy tale spun by the Pentagon?

Not that I would expect a paper like the Aurora Beacon News to challenge Denny Hastert on anything except maybe an Easter Egg hunt tip, or maybe his favorite color.

Time after time... Well, OK. Between the two, they've given a half dozen in-depth interviews to Fox News and Friends, or Neil Cavuto in the past 5 years.

But no one is asking the hard questions. Where are our Chicago Tribune reporters? Hello?

Mr. Speaker: What about this fabricated Pat Tillman story? How do you think that makes the families of our soldiers feel, deep down? Who do you think is responsible? Why don't you and Nancy Pelosi appoint a Select Committee to investigate this further and make sure this never happens again?

What are the penalties for lying to the American public? Are there any at all in a case like this?

What if it were one of your boys?

What You Need Is More Tritium!

Oh, yeah. Get it in your water. Get it in your bloodstream. Get it in your reproductive organs.

It'll make you hot!

Dick Cheney and Exelon want you to have more Tritium in your diet.

It's good for you!

And of all the things that could accidentally leak out of nuclear power plants like Dresden and Braidwood (which would suck me onto the other side of the earth if they melted down) where tritium may have poisoned ground water for miles around, it's has one of the lowest risk factors!

OK. Actually, that last part is pretty much bull.

A "half-life of 12.3 years" means that if you survive the cancer it will cause IF YOU UNWITTINGLY FUCKING DRINK IT IN YOUR WELL WATER half of it will be gone from your tissue in 12.3 years. If you die, however, I'm not sure the number is the same, and there's actually a quite great risk of that.

Let's have a fucking party!

Then let's get the office of the Speaker of the House on this. This doesn't present a direct risk to his 192-acre wooded estate in rural Plano, but he should probably be tipped off.

You know, why it took a great Democrat like Ed Markey of MA. to bring this up, instead of The Fucking Speaker, or even that cocksucker (an actual cocksucker, it is rumored) Jerry Weller is just an unanswerable offense.

Hat tip to Karie.