Foster In, Douche Bag Out.

Jonny Laesch has withdrawn his filing for a selective recount of the regular primary election.

And Foster's win on Saturday, Mrs. Laesch, proves once again that we did, in fact, elect the "right Democrat."

Oh, yeah... your husband is a loser. Many times. You guys can move now after you've shown yourselves as the kind of people who are only looking out for your own career.

Welcome to John Laesch's Freak Show.

In spite of this article of, well, national attention, John Laesch continues to behave like a spoiled, drunken kid about to beat up a girl.

And in spite of an earlier promise to announce his plans AFTER the special election, thereby avoiding stealing the thunder from Bill Foster, we now have this.

Jonny can count on being wiped off the map by the DCCC in any future attempts at public office.

Thanks, kid. I guess you showed your colors after all that nonsense about "We the People." Move on now.

By the way, Vote for Bill Foster today and send a message to Jim Oberweis: we might like your ice cream, but you're an asshole, Jim.

Kendall Democrats Elect New Leader

And for some fucking reason (?!) it doesn't make the news.

Jesus Christ on a Special Ballot, these people are losers.

Hello?? Did anyone think it might be a good idea to invite a reporter?

Noland Not Nice To Candidate...

In a surprising bit of news reporting in today's Beacon News, Sen. Mike Noland of Elgin had this to say about Special Election Nominee Bill Foster:

Noland frequently described Laesch as the "true voice" of the 14th District, and said Foster "mailed it in, instead of walking and talking."

Not nice. But just the kind of crap I expected of Laesch and his surrogates.

As I said yesterday, Swallow, John.

And get your ass to work for this candidate.

Absent Without Reason...

I've been noticably absent these past months, even after proclaiming my return.

So you're no longer wondering or asking, I stepped away so as not to "influence an election" (as it was deemed two years ago) by dissing Jonny Laesch throughout the primary.

Now that Laesch has been defeated, fair and square, in the Special Primary, and it appears that he's been very narrowly defeated in the General Primary, it's time to speak up, but not to diss.

Here's a simple, heartfelt appeal from someone who has made a change for the better in her life: John, give it up.

John, by holding out on concession, you are serving no one but yourself. So what if you win the General Primary by two votes, maybe a hundred? Do you not think that the vote will then be challenged by Foster's camp?

The first job at hand is getting Foster's campaign rolling for a special election to be held just four weeks from tomorrow. By holding out hope against great odds, you are wasting the time of Democrats in the district who need a united effort to beat Jim Oberweis. And you're deeply hurting the party, which came out in great numbers this week to vote for Democrats.

Please come to your senses and realize that the best way to make this a blue district is to get behind Foster with your ground troops, and your full support.

The best place for you at this point is in a Foster office, if you can swallow that.

Swallow.

Why Wait?

There's only one thing I can say to the President this morning: WTF?

When it came time to "save" Terri Schiavo, as well as serve up party propaganda by acting swiftly to sign legislation, there was no stopping the man. Even when he was in Crawford (as with the monstrous deeds done in Ms. Schiavo's name) legislation was signed in the dark of night.

He has even sworn in Cabinet members in the dark of night.

When it comes time to serve the greater public with what he calls "good legislation," however, it's gotta wait until next week.

What a motherfucker.

Underemployed, Underinsured.

Any wonder the stock market is having seizures? Here's an interesting bit of reality, and while true, it still ignores some of the more obvious things about BushWorld.

With so many married couples/households holding 3-4 jobs (between significant others), it's a fucking wonder the United Serfs of America haven't yet engaged in open class warfare.

I mean real Class Warfare (pitchforks, torches, etc.). Not this kind.

Get Over It! Just Get Out!

Oops. The word is out tonight! Why not save us some money and just resign now?

Seriously, Mr. Hastert, here's your $180,000 salary for 2008 in advance. I'll say this in language even you can understand:

Go gitcherself apeera fokkin glasses that fitcher fokkin mellenhed.

Ice cold Foster, anyone?

By the way, here's a little something to downplay that tiresome bit about Hastert being the "longest-serving Republican Speaker in history." Enjoy.

A Turd By Any Other Name...

Is still a turd.

From TurdBlossom to TurdLick, and now another... Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert's president has his little Gillespie back.

And even Forbes is crying foul.

Is it that Republicans don't talk about Gillespie being queer as a three dollar bill because it's rude, or because they're afraid people might already know? Or is it because it's nobody's business?

Elvis Has Left The Building.

I, however, have returned.

The Greatest American Hero.

Perhaps. I know she was mine.

Rest In Eternal Peace, Molly Ivins.

So... Where Am I?

After a year or so of having people try to find out who I am, I'm now faced with the dilemma of telling you where I am. It can't really hurt, or expose, me. There are so many others just like me in the area, it would still make it hard to put a finger on me.

I have joined the ranks of the underemployed, which is a funny way to put it: I am working two jobs.

Ever wonder why the unemployment numbers haved remained so low while so few jobs have been created under the Bush Administration? I don't anymore, since my own polling in the workplace(s) tells me that about 40% of all the people I work with directly at my two full-time jobs sit on either side of the oarlocks of the boat we're in together.

Mercifully, I am home (sort of) for the holidays. I say sort of because only the body is here today. Spirits are low.

I have taken more than a month off of the blog only because I'm so busy, and because (even though I knew in my heart it would happen), America has Fired The Coach.

There will be more from me. Likely, I'll send 50MO into a new direction this year. Fewer posts (more than likely) and a renewed focus on what goes on here politically 50 Miles Out of the Loop.

For some who wanted to believe that my tail is between my supple but muscular legs because of other reasons, you can keep peddling that nonsense in the comments. I won't disabuse any fool of their pursuits.

And yes, I promise some juicy cock pictures tomorrow.

True Believer Dead At 94.

Milton Friedman, the truest believer in unbridled capitalism, has died.

I believe it's been said that Friedman had the ear of three presidents. They would be Nixon, Reagan, and Bush. Not exactly a great track record for economic security.

As much as I have long respected his intellectual genius, I could never understand how any economist could openly endorse (or even suggest) that consumers should be thrown to the dogs of industry.

Hastert Defeated. We Fired The Coach.

In the final analysis, I am a fucking genius. Again.

That's right, sports fans, because what I had been saying all along has finally come to pass: and now Dennis "J. Dennis" Hastert has been defeated outside his district.

Right again, kiddos. Outside the motherfuckin' district.

Some of the beef-headed morons of the Jim Birch Society (and other various sundry dolts) snottily sneered a few months ago that I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about when I said that. Today they probably think John Laesch's "Revive the American Dream" theme is what turned the House back over to Democratic hands.

"The American Dream" theme, by the way, is a southern slang akin to "hang all the niggers." True. I got a good snicker from those silly purple signs the kid kept buying, though, every time they sprang up by the dozen at corners. Oh, yeah, kid: corners don't vote. You'd want to have those signs in yards to make your popularity look real. Nice try, though.

But what in the world was I talking about? Oh, yes. How fucking smart I am.

So "The Coach," the oafish dolt, the Accidental Congressman who rose to become Accidental Speaker of the House and performed wonders as a kindly fat old man who would never lie or play demagogue (but did at every fucking turn, because he's not kindly at all) has been fired. Outside the district. The only way it could happen.

Check out the vote totals by county and tell me I'm wrong, Progressive Patriots. You blew through money like a crack whore and you've got nothing to show for it. Zip!

As for my next pronouncement: Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert won't serve out his full term of office. He can't stand losing. Never could. And now he has plenty of good excuses to waddle off to the big old farm in Wisconsin and hang out with Sensenbrenner.

The Abysmal Failure of Democrats.

Nationally, and in some places locally, there is great reason for those of us who call ourselves Democrats to be jubilant.

Linda Chapa LaVia, who garnered 70% of the vote to win a third term in the state legislature is certainly the shiniest of stars from last night. And the other Linda, Linda Holmes, won a narrow victory in another traditionally Republican district to go on to the state Senate.

Throughout Kendall County, however, the results of the takeover by the Jim Birch Society was evidenced by numbers that clearly show they are out of their league.

John Laesch spent well over $600,000 -- many times what his primary opponent, Ruben Zamora, spent in 2004 -- and had nothing to show for it. Sure, it was 40% overall by the end of the night, but the voters the Lashies attracted to the polls yesterday were not the kind that like his kind.

Nosir, you can see it in the numbers.

Gov. Blagojevich received only 38% countywide, after the Birch party all but ignored his incumbency like some sort of pox. Rich Whitney's 13% showing in the county underscores my point.

And where there were once signs that other great local candidates, like Frank Craig, had a chance to post gains in the county, there was nothing but Republican ridicule at the end of the night.

The drinks must have been flowing for the GOP's county board winners, for instance, at the Yorkville Legion Hall, as they once again took all the seats on the board. Another good candidate who friends recently told me had many Republicans actually shitting in their britches, John Crawford was, like Craig, completely ignored by the local party.

Craig's and Crawford's literature I received. Some of it, twice. For the first time in memory, I got nothing of any kind from any of the other candidates. I consider that a pretty good measure of the "hard work" these morons pledged last spring.

So what the fuck were these people doing?

Apparently, they were all assembled at a supper club in Batavia, spending the last of Laesch'$ campaign money on a victory party for Denny "J. Dennis" Hastert.

Nice job, boys and girls.

Nice job.

Correction: Laesch had raised about $230K by the last reporting statement (still 10x what Zamora had) and had $83k on hand a week before the election. Nice dinner. My bad. Guess I was still thinking about what John Pavich had raised by, oh, about six months prior to the election.

Yeah. Right.

Looks like somebody's changing his tune.

Oh Yeah??

Well, Fuck Chris Lauzen, too.

I've been following the radio forums here for years. Last night's WSPY forum started off with Frank Craig (who, along with the Crawford guy, sounded great last week). Frankly, I like Craig a lot, but can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with the party around here. He should have support coming out of his ears!

No offense to Frank if you're reading, but I'm pretty sure I'd vote for a plunger rather than Chris Lauzen, who closed last night by firing a "message to Sen. John Kerry..." and some others about "insulting our men and women in uniform."

Excuse me... what?

As usual, Lauzen is over the top with a red herring. And he's way out of his league.

Please vote for Frank Craig.

Word.

Phukbusch.

34% approval rating today; 69% say he sodomized us on Iraq.

That means "he fucked us" to you plumbers out there.

Hi Denny. You, buddy, fucked yourself.

Dumb As A Rock.

I fucking hate Laura Bush. But I had no idea that stupid bitch had a penis until she stepped on it today.

I hope this bites her polyester-skinned ass off.

NEWS FLASH:

Sen. John Kerry calls President Bush stupid; Bush thinks he meant someone else.

Anybody else not get that?